The World of Destiny Island
by SquirrelOfHope
Summary: So very AU. The World isn't back to normal but life must go on. The town is threatened by an alien corporation and a family is seperated. Set mostly in the FFIV mythos. Grammar nitpicking welcome.
1. 00 Pigeon Farm

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix and Disney (along with a few others; Tim Burton's the Nightmare Before Christmas for example.)

This fic is rated for fantasy violence, swearing, drug references, cross-dressing, rampant sexual innuendo (gotcha there!) and bad humor.

Pigeon Farm is by and copyright Marcy Playground, from their Shapeshifter album.

* * *

**Prologue: Pigeon Farm**

"Let's get this emergency town meeting started."

Destiny Island's current Mayor– Mrs. Unne, wife of the enigmatic genius Dr. Zephram Unne– was a large (six foot tall with shoulders so wide that many visitors suspect that she's a cross-dressing man) friendly woman from the Northern Kingdom. She tended to dress in overly modest clothes and had managed not to get a tan in the twenty years she lived among the pirates and wackos. Local legend stated that she had come from a nomadic tribe of camel herders and that she spoke seven languages (learned them just to learn new dirty jokes.) People liked to gossip. The truth was never as good as the stories the islanders made up for themselves.

Whatever her background and experience, she had deftly gained control of the panicky people that morning and led them to the town hall to give them something to do– other than panic and loot that was.

The Mayor threw the ceremonial gavel through the last unbroken window in the town hall. The drunken pirates in the back row yelled out: "Arr!" and did the wave.

"I'd like to start out by clarifying the situation– that's a statement of _facts_," the Mayor glared at Leaky Sam the town's Unreliable Newspaper editor, "as they stand. At approximately 3:38 this morning Captains Marshall and Dominguez were alerted to the disappearances of many of their night watchmen. A cursory search of the island failed to turn up the missing men. You're missing nine men altogether?" she asked the shifty-eyed old salt in the front row.

"Yarr," he affirmed.

"At this point Mrs. The Clamp," she pointed to the weeping wife of Eddie The Clamp, "woke up to discover that her family and her house had disappeared. I gotta say, wow!"

The Mayor quickly read off the list of names of people that turned up missing, or found themselves wandering out in empty lots where their houses used to be.

"And _nobody saw anything?_" she asked setting the list aside.

"Holy crap! I don't want to even _think_ about how this all happened," Mrs. Awoloku shouted. It was quickly noted that she was one of the lucky few people to not wake up missing something or someone, and her house was where it was supposed to be.

That was the other weird thing– the way the town had been rearranged like one of those picture puzzles where you slide the squares around to get them back in the right position. Fisherman's Bayou was now right next to the Harbor, the lighthouse was underwater in the bay, and Captain Ziszou's ship now teetered on the edge of the cliffs on the other side of the island on Romantic Idiot's Easy Way Out Cliff.

"I think it's pretty clear what happened here," Old Man Lefty said standing up. Everyone turned to his calming sage-like voice. _"Aliens!"_ he screamed… and screamed and screamed. It took a few moments to get him to stop repeating himself and a warm cup of rum-laced coffee got him to stop whining about probes.

The double doors of the town hall slammed open and a gust of wind blew the Mayor's notes all over the floor. Everyone turned to see who had made such a dramatic entrance.

"Hey everybody," Kairi panted. She leaned against the door frame to catch her breath. Everyone slumped. The mayor swept down the center aisle and wrapped Kairi in tight hug.

"Thank the ancestors, you're alright!" She kissed her daughter repeatedly.

"Mom? _Mom, you're choking me,_" Kairi broke free and addressed the town. "You won't believe what happened!"

"Oh great, what else could go wrong?" someone muttered.

Kairi quickly related the tale of the Heartless' attack on the island.

"But everything's okay now– thanks to Sora and Donald and Goofy…" she trailed off.

Everyone was staring at her, and strangely enough a couple crickets chirped.

"He's a... giant... talking… ... dog…?" She paled under the stares.

There was a loooong silence.

Followed by another long silence. Someone coughed, but that only made the silence so much more noticeable. Everyone was looking at the Mayor with something like pity and a few looked at her in outrage; some people just don't suffer fools.

"Well, how about we dust off that alien theory?" the Mayor said cheerfully.

"But, Mom," Kairi said.

"This is _serious_, young lady," one of the old bats who lived in the bayou snapped, "how dare you–"

"Look," the Mayor interrupted, "We're all under a huge strain, right now. There's no telling how the _children_ are going to take this."

"Yes! Think of the children," Someone yelled.

"But I'm telling the truth! _There are other worlds out there!_"

"Beaker, don't rave," the Mayor warned quietly, using her and her husband's secret pet name.

"And so what if I did meet a talking duck?" Kairi put her hands on her hips and stared challengingly at the town. "Open yourselves up to the possibilities, people! If that's what's out there, then– _mmm-mph!_"

The Mayor clamped a hand over Kairi's mouth and pulled her back into her bearlike embrace.

"Of course a fund will be set up to provide for the mental health needs of our minors," the Mayor quickly assured the town. Kairi struggled to get away from her. "It's too soon to worry about the cause of these mysterious events and as there is apparently no imminent threats and nowhere else to search, I propose we simply look to cleaning up the mess and getting things under control first."

The townspeople agreed unanimously.

"Your honor," a young privateer who had been left on his ship to keep an eye out for trouble burst into the town hall. "There's some white mages here to see you!"

Everyone got up and headed for the docks to see these newcomers.

The Mayor finally released Kairi as the crowd left them alone.

"I'm not crazy!" Kairi hissed.

"Kairi. Calm down."

"I am calm!"

"Kairi, I don't know what to tell you."

"And I'm not lying! I can prove–"

"Your father's missing."

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	2. 01 Whatever Happened

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix and Disney (along with a few others; Tim Burton's the Nightmare Before Christmas for example.)

Whatever Happened is by and copyright The Strokes, from their Room On Fire album.

* * *

**Whatever Happened**

The very first time Kairi saw an elf was the morning Frega (no surname thankyouverymuch) stepped onto their porch and upended the lives her family.

Not that their lives were particularly happy at the time.

"Good morning," he said when she opened the door. A ray of sunshine suddenly fell square upon him, birds and deer settled around him (despite the fact that no deer have been sighted on the island, ever), and music started playing nearby. He was an unusual little person, with blue hair and sharp good looks in a perfectly white three-piece suit and weirdest of all (in Kairi's addled brain) the little spats on his feet.

Kairi thought he had to be the most beautiful thing in the entire tri-island area (consisting of the Isle of Man (where the double-entendre's never stop) the Island of Beautiful Women/Men (changes every year (don't ask)) and Happy Fun Time Island (home to the worlds largest species of tree cobra and _chupacabra_ populations)) and aside from the impeccable grooming and classy taste in suits he had an overall… _adorableness_.

"I love you," Kairi whispered in that sappy way only teenagers can manage.

"_What?_" he demanded. The hallucination disappeared. Kairi shook her head to clear it, but it didn't help how nervous and giddy she felt.

"Can I help you?" Kairi asked, "Anything at all? Whatever you need, I'll do everything I can to help you… oh yes I will!" She babbled on stupidly until he held up an impatient hand.

"Your parents, they're Dr. Zephram and Myrna Unne?"

"Sure. I–"

"And are they currently in the residence?" he asked coldly.

"Yes!" Kairi exulted, feeling grateful to be able to answer this wonderful creature's questions. "Yes…. Uh, oh no." Her mood dipped dramatically.

"What?" he snapped.

"I'm sorry sir. My father has been missing for a couple of months. We don't know when he'll be back."

The little elf (he only stood about as tall as Kairi) looked so crestfallen that Kairi thought _she_ would burst into tears on the spot. He frowned and tipped his head in thought.

"No. No. _No_. This is… well, _humph!_ Get your mother out here, will you?"

"Oh that's a terrific idea!" Kairi enthused, "She's good at making people feel better. And so am I!" She was nearly hyperventilating with happiness.

"Just. Go," the elf started to massage his temples. Kairi got the impression that she annoyed him. She stumbled over her own feet and went to do his bidding.

_This is it,_ she thought, _he's _The One

She dashed up the stairs, knocking over an accent table covered in knick knacks that shattered loudly.

"Mom! Mom! Mom! _Mom!_"

Destiny Island's honorable Mayor, (or Mom) rushed out of her bedroom in alarm to the frantic cries.

"What is the matter with– yikes!" After all that had happened in the last couple of months, Mom would've been happy to see Kairi so happy; but the crazy gleam in her eyes made her wonder if the strain had finally gotten to poor little Kairi.

"There's an elf at the door! He's…" she paused dramatically and sighed, "_gorgeous._"

"An elf, hm? That's pretty unusual," Mom's brow furrowed.

"I love him! I'm going to marry him! And have his babies and grow old with him!"

"I don't think so," Mom said. "You see, elves have this ability–" Kairi cut her off, practically dancing around her.

"I do love him! He's The One. I know it! I can feel it in my _very soul!_"

"So dramatic," Mom shook her head. "Well, let's go settle this. You're _not_ in love."

"Yes I am!" Kairi chirped.

Kairi huddled close behind her mother and together they opened the door to see the elf leaning against the door jam and tapping his foot impatiently. He straightened up when he saw the Mayor, took off his hat and held it against his chest, and leaned back to look her in the face. They stood this way for a moment: she staring down at him with eyes wide and her jaw on her chest; he staring up at all six feet of her and quickly becoming uncomfortable.

"Well. Hello Myrna, been a long time, hasn't it?" he spoke first. Kairi thought he had the loveliest voice, and it was so cute the way his pointy little ears dipped when he talked. And was that a _tail?_ It was! A long thin tail with a tuft of blue at the end gracefully looped back and forth behind him.

"Urk," Mom said.

"I'll bet you're shocked to see me– all _alive_ and everything, hmm?" he asked pointedly.

"Ack!" Mom said.

"Well, I'm _back._ No thanks to the other three. Oh, I don't blame you particularly, but… well… what's wrong with you?"

"Frega," Mom gasped. "How could you… _stand there and be alive!_" she yelled jubilantly and picked him up to hug him. "Oh, you sweet little thing! I'm so happy!"

"Put me down!" Frega protested, and would've kept protesting if she hadn't squeezed the air out of him. He kicked his legs uselessly.

"Mom, you know him? From where?" Kairi asked.

"He's our old friend, Frega! We were on a quest together back in the day!" Mom always called the part of life before she married old Dr. Unne as "back in the day". It irritated Kairi to no end, and this time she felt a particular flush of jealousy at her mother's knowledge of the most precious creature called Frega. "He disappeared at the end and we all just assumed… Frega, you look fantastic. Where've you been?"

Mom put the ruffled creature on his feet and pet his head familiarly. Frega shuddered and backed away.

"My name's Kairi," Kairi introduced herself as he had forgotten to inquire– most likely an oversight.

"I don't care," he spat.

"You sound like you could use a hug," Kairi said, and congratulated herself on her brilliance. She reached out to embrace him.

"Stay away from me, you filthy non-elf," Frega hissed. "I only put up with your mother because– well, I don't really like it when you touch me either, Myrna."

"Kairi," her mother said sharply, "go to the temple and fetch the Praetor."

"But _Mom_," Kairi whined, wishing more than anything else in the world to stay in Frega's company.

"This is important," her mother insisted. "Baralai will be so pleased to see you again!" Mom said to Frega.

"Never listens to a word I say," Frega muttered. "Better hurry, _Kairi_. I have a schedule to keep, and important things to do."

"Oh, I'll bet!" Kairi said earnestly. She happily dashed off to the Temple to fulfill her new love's request.

* * *

"The Sphere of Coronado," the Praetor held the luminous sphere to the light in his study, "The priceless gift to the explorer from the King of Portico City… It belongs in a museum."

_My museum_, he laughed inwardly.

He polished the sphere with the soft rag in his hand and placed it carefully among the other treasures lining his dusty shelves; statues, cups made of human skulls, shrunken heads, spearheads with perilous curses from the dead, enchanted books, magic shoes, crowns from forgotten civilizations, banners of horsehair said to contain the souls of their owners, stone panels depicting heavenly nymphs, and a stack of old Entertainment From The Land of Tomorrow magazines.

He looked over his collection and felt a surge of pride. If the Order knew how many of these treasures he had in his possession they'd throw him in jail again, and old Galuf would croak.

Baralai sat back in his favorite recliner and picked absently at the crumbling skull of a Storm Dragon on his end table. This ugly thing came to him as a gift from the village in Zozo for getting rid of the poor, mad creature that had terrorized the citizens. It had been an old dragon, its senses left it when it developed a rapidly degenerative case of brain fever. The Order always sent him in to euthanize the crazy ones.

It wasn't easy to juggle both the duties to the Temple and the Order of Dragoons at the same time, but he couldn't imagine that he'd stay too sane if he didn't have the Order to occupy his free hours, especially when things went wrong in his personal life.

A good example was the time his wife left him and their son for a professional Skier and the life of a slope bunny in Western Panacea.

* * *

"I'm leaving you, Baralai. I'm not cut out to be a exile's wife on some backwards, podunk island in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of inbred criminal types _especially_ with a man who makes so little money! I need space to grow and freedom to spread my wings and beautiful surroundings to feed my spirit… Also, Wayne can ski the K12 and has a tasty car. I'll send you my forwarding address later."

She left him standing there with his neighbors staring at them, so wide-eyed with shock that they looked cartoonish.

"Ah... Well, kids," the quick-thinking Mayor said, sounding flustered, "who wants to come to my house for some cookies?" The kids, having only a vague idea what they just saw really dug that idea. She picked up Riku and cuddled him, he was only four at the time.

"_Say something_," she whispered to her husband and pushed him in the Praetor's direction.

"Um…" was all Dr. Unne could say. After all, _his_ wife wasn't a shallow, faithless whore. It just wasn't fair.

"She'll be back, right?" the poor Praetor whined.

"I don't think so. I'm sorry."

"I'm sure she was only kidding," the Praetor went on. "She's a terrible practical joker."

"Umm..."

"She'll be back…"

* * *

He got up to get some wine. That flashback always created a dire need for a drink. The need was probably a deep-seated wish to recreate the three or four month mourning period after she left him, much of that time he had been completely out of touch. He never would've given up drinking if those divorce settlement papers hadn't shown up so quickly.

"Lambrusco? Or Moscotto?" he wondered out loud. He finally settled on the Lambrusco and went to sit on the back porch and drink it, when the doorbell rang.

He sighed and flung open the door.

"_Yes_?"

The Unne's flighty kid– Kairi, he was sure that was the name– stood on the doorstep with a frightened look on her face.

"Sir? Um… uh... hi!" she giggled nervously. He tapped his foot impatiently. Kairi shifted nervously. He secretly renamed her Trouble, because she was turning into a real beauty and she didn't have much in the way of social savvy. He had a feeling a certain pair of boys were going to kill each other over this one, and this made him feel guilty for trapping Riku in such a small community. "My Mom wants to see you," she finally said, and having delivered her message she began to back away.

"What for?" he demanded. He hadn't spoken directly to the Mayor for nearly ten years.

"Frega's in town!" she said loopily, the attitude shift was so quick and complete that he nearly dropped his drink. She skipped away.

_Idiot girl,_ he thought.

He dropped his glass of wine when what she said hit him.

* * *

_That night..._

"I've been talking to their leader," Wakka's father said at dinner. The man he referred to was Garm, leader of the group of white mages that swept down on the town after the night of… the incident. "He seemed very receptive to the idea."

"Great, Pop," Wakka grunted.

"We might even get you outta here before the start of the season," his father said.

"That's great."

"You shouldn't give up your dreams just because of, well, you know."

"Uh-huh."

"I mean, who knows when another opportunity like this will present itself again. You gottta fight for everything."

"Sure."

"Otherwise you'll just end up an old fisherman like me."

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," his mom added.

"No," his father agreed, "anything's better than being a nasty, stinking, lying _pirate_." His father slammed his fist into the table and glared at whatever memory made him hate pirates so.

"Yeah, Dad. Absolutely," Chappu agreed too quickly and shared a nervous look with his mom.

"I never did find the scum bag that marooned your sweet mother!" their father sighed, deeply disappointed with himself. The boys rolled their eyes because they knew what came next.

"Do you remember Fujin? I'll never forget the day I rescued you from that desert island," father gazed out the window and assumed his storytelling voice.

"I was trolling for catfish near the bay…" The tale had been told a thousand times, and it _bored_ them because Mom had told them both the real story when they were little– she hadn't been marooned, her ship sunk when she and the crew she inspired to mutiny made a fatal error keeping the gunpowder next to the "designated smoking area." She and Uncle Raijin had been picked up by a passing fisherman (Dad) and she told an elaborate lie so to get him to go out with her, and now they had to listen to this story every other week.

"There she was, this hot little flooring inspector–"

That was the other thing, the _way_ he told it. Ick!

"Ah! Should I even be listening to this?" Chappu said on cue.

"She had this cute little–"

"Dad, don't talk about Mom that way," Wakka said his part of the script.

"Right there on the deck–"

"Aw, no," Chappu looked up at the ceiling and squinted his eyes shut. "Time to repress another memory."

"I have to go skulk around on the roof now," Wakka stood up. No one stopped him, Dad didn't even pause in his story (Chappu pretended to scratch his chin and gave Wakka the finger.)

* * *

He started his circuit by circling the peak on his family's house three times and from there he jumped across to Tidus' roof and repeated the ritual. Not every house got the same treatment (for instance, every night he'd randomly rearranged the window boxes in old Mrs. Awoloku's second story windows) and his pathway altered a little bit every night. Most of the buildings in town were visited and the whole trip took him about two hours.

This had been going on for a few months, long before that night everybody– well, everybody _left alive_ in town called "the Incident." His family members were the only people who knew that he did this strange ritual, and they tolerated it because a) nobody got hurt and b) Wakka claimed it was the only way he could sleep at night.

Wait, nobody got hurt?

Well, that changed that very night when Wakka stepped on the loose tile on the abandoned house near Scuttle's Market and slid with half the roof over the edge and fell two stories down to the ground.

He lay for some time while the stars wobbled overhead. Someone gasped and ran over to him.

"Wakka? Are you alright? Oh no, you're hurt! I'll help you," a blur leaned over him and put something soft beneath his head. "What were you doing up there?" Three Kairi's came into focus in front of him.

"Nothing important."

"Well, you could've killed yourself or broken your back!" the three Kairi's melded into one irked-looking Kairi. "And you were this close to nailing me as well!" She held up her hands to show how far she'd been from the raining debris.

"I'm sorry, Kairi." The apology mollified her, she had never been one to hold a grudge. He suddenly noticed she was dressed up quite a bit differently– as though she were on her way to a party. Strange, who would be motivated to throw a party these days?

And maybe because he was lying dazed on a pile of broken shingles he said something he never, ever would've had the guts to say to any woman (at least at this point in his life.)

"You look beautiful," he said, "In fact, I always kind of admired you. Would you go to the spring dance with me?"

"You must've really hurt your head. There's no spring dance– it's the middle of August fer cryin' out loud! Let me get a look at you," she stooped down and helped pull him upright. Then she poked at the back of his head like she knew what she was doing. "You knocked yourself a good dent here," she said with a joking smile.

"I'm feeling better," he said, embarrassed. "Whatcha dressed up for? You look nice."

"No reason," she lied, and he knew she lied, but it seemed endearing to him how badly she did it. "You don't think these shoes are a bit much?" she asked.

Wakka quickly thought back to his "vast" knowledge of women, which consisted of advice he got from other people when he was trying to work up the nerve to ask out a girl he'd liked:

Mom: "Nobody is good enough for my sons! _NOBODY!_"

Chappu: "I read this article in FHM that says you can get a woman to take off her clothes for you in like sixty seconds!"

Sora: "Huh? I dunno. Hmmm... What would Arthur P. Fonzerelli do?"

Riku: "Oh, I get it! This is just some clever way of saying I look like a girl, or I am a girl, or something to that effect, _right?_ Well, ha-ha, asshole!" (At this point Riku stabbed him.)

Selphie: "Oh my god! Oh my god! Okay, first let's give you a makeover!"

Tidus: "First, tell her you're asking her out for me. Then… okay, it's not a brilliant plan. Hmmm... What would the Fonze do?"

The Mayor: "Just be yourself, no reason not to, you're a wonderful young man. Would you like something to eat?"

Dr. Unne: "When I was your age I learned– believe it or not– that when it comes to cologne, more is _not_ better. And chicks dig facial hair– not too much, just a enough to make you look like a man. I'm sure you know what I mean..."

Pirates: "Woman! Woman! Woman! Woman! Woman!"

Dad: "If she asks you how she looks in something, you can never go wrong with 'it looks good on you, and it brings out the color of your eye.'"

"They look great, and they bring out the color of your eyes," he blurted out. _'Stupid!'_ he thought when he realized he was referring to her shoes. How can shoes bring out the color of anyone's eyes? "Uh, from far away…"

Kairi appeared to think that he was crazy, but the moment didn't last long. She smiled again– not pitingly or mockingly.

"Thanks. Will you be okay?"

"Sure," he staggered to his feet and tried to look manly. "I've taken worse hits." He felt compelled to brag about his athletic accomplishments just then, not really his style but anything to get her to stay a moment longer.

"Well. Okay," she said before he could elaborate. "Bye."

He stared after her.

What just happened to him?

"Heyyy..."

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	3. 02 Trying Your Luck

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix etc, etc...

Trying Your Luck is by and copyright The Strokes, from their Is This It? album.

* * *

**Trying Your Luck**

Frega was alive.

"And he tried to kill... _me!_" Baralai whispered to himself as he listened to the teenage bride and groom start the _thirtieth _stanza in the wedding vows they composed themselves.

"My love is like a fiery bird..." the bride began.

_Sweet. Evil. Yevon. How long is this gonna take?_ he wondered.

Baralai unkindly wished that her former boyfriend– whom rumor had it she was sleeping with on the side up until _last week_– would show up and stop the wedding _now_.

_Now! Now damn you!_ he willed the boy to show up at the Temple doors so hard that he upset his ulcer.

The little guy, their _Fry_ (as they affectionately called him all those years ago) tried to blot them out with a Hadoken spell. It hadn't worked, but Fry had been damned serious.

When the spell fizzled out, Fry simply turned around and left.

"Thanks for the tea, I shall return to kill you," was all he said.

Baralai turned the events over and over while the badly advised wedding dragged on and _on._

"Stay inside your house," he told the Mayor, "Whatever happened to him, wherever he's been– he's clearly snapped. Stay inside!"

Frega told them he wanted revenge– but for what?

And where was he? Baralai checked all over town after leaving the Mayor's house, and couldn't find him. He was half inclined to think that they had experienced a bizarre beyond-the-grave vision, but he never found anything like this in the Temple records.

_If I could just talk to him_, Baralai thought.

He wished Frega would show up and try to kill him right now.

This couple had hurriedly gotten engaged after The Incident– one of those "I could be dead tomorrow, let's get married" deals.

"My love is like this flower petal..." the groom started stanza thirty-one.

Without a doubt, weddings were the worst aspect of the priesthood– it's the same thing, over and over. Couldn't he just get away with stamping people's hands or something?

"... and promoting the rocking... of... the casbah..." the groom said his line as though he took script reading from a bad Captain Kirk impersonator.

Baralai wished he had his gun.

_There better damn well be an open bar,_ he thought.

* * *

Kairi had better luck than Baralai when it came to hunting down Frega. She followed him to the Blue Parrot that after he left the house, where he entertained a number of single ladies. She wasn't allowed into the establishment, of course, being a minor, but she watched him through the window until the place closed and he sent the women packing.

And then she stopped him outside and gave him a long speech about friendship or something. She didn't remember it later and no wonder either, it was three in the morning and she couldn't think clearly for some reason. After dropping this enlightenment on him she staggered home and got caught sneaking in by Mom.

Kairi and Mom generally got along well, better than most teenage girls and their mothers, but not by much.

* * *

_Flashback_

Kairi scrubbed the floors on her hands and knees.

"My real parents are gonna come back for me someday!" eight year-old Kairi yelled. She thoroughly deserved her punishment. She accidentally burned down the janitor's shed at school while conducting a test on her doomsday device. She wouldn't admit being in the wrong until Dad sat her down and had a long talk about ethics with her.

"Oh!" Mom slapped her forehead. "You must mean that king and queen who showed up looking for their princess this morning. Oh dear, I turned them away, guess you're stuck here _forever!_" she sneered.

"You're mean. I hate you!"

"No you don't."

"Yes I do!"

"No. You. Don't."

"_Do so!_"

"Are you arguing with me?" she asked quietly. This was Mom's dangerous tone, and by the time it came into use in arguments Kairi was guaranteed another day's work doing chores.

* * *

And so the morning after Mom caught her sneaking out to pester Frega, Kairi had to get up at sunrise to start weeding the garden, pruning the hedges, mowing the lawn, washing the windows, beating the rugs, chopping wood, laying concrete, tarring the roof, drilling for oil, and whatever else her sadistic mom could think up.

After an entire morning of yard work she got out the pickax and started work on digging that pond Mom had wanted for a while. _The yard looks fabulous enough,_ Kairi thought.

"Wax on, wax off," Kairi sighed, and started swinging.

The work wasn't too bad for her, she liked getting to swing the pickax and destroying the lawn. It felt so... powerful. Maybe she liked to see an equal amount of change to the world around her for the amount of effort she expended, and nothing provided that immediate visual like building a machine or changing the yard. Or maybe it was because she still pretended to be warrior in secret, and she'd pretend that she was "killing" monsters with her mighty war hammer o' justice.

She stopped suddenly and shivered. Her skin prickled and her heart felt frozen inside her. She lowered the pickax, but tightened her grip on it.

She was being watched.

"Hello," the mage stood at the very edge of their property line said with as much friendliness as he could force. She recognized him. Garm, an unremarkable man, neither plain nor beautiful, someone completely forgettable. He was the leader of the white mages who appeared on the morning after the Heartless attacked. He had tried many times to get into their house to "get readings for their study of the phenomena," but Mom always forbid him entry.

It was because of Dad. Dad _hated_ the Center of White Magic in Burmecia, his old school, and they had no love for him. Mom was sure they were only trying to get into his library.

"Oh. Hello," she said coolly.

"Surely such a dirty job can be done by someone else?" he asked. "Perhaps I could help you," he said. Although something about his manner suggested that he'd like nothing more than an excuse to step onto their property.

"No thanks. I'll get in trouble," Kairi said, putting a little more ice into her voice. She turned from him and started again, hoping he'd get the hint.

"This isn't work fit for a lady, _Princess_. It really wouldn't be a bother– all you have to do is ask," Garm said. Kairi rolled her eyes and ignored him. "Hey! Did you hear me?"

_Just go away you creep,_ she thought. He didn't say anything else, but she dared not look over her shoulder and encourage more talk if he still stood there.

Still, the chill in veins told her that he was still watching her. He'd been doing that ever since he arrived– watching her. Well he wasn't going to get at her Dad's research through _her_, she vowed.

"What are you doing?" Frega asked. She spun around and saw him crouching at the edge of the marked area. She relaxed and lowered her pickax.

Garm was gone.

"Digging a hole."

"Why?"

"Because it's _fun_," Kairi said irritably and immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry! I'm not usually like this, honest!"

"In trouble with the law, I see." Kairi cursed Mom for making her do such sweat-inducing labor. He'd never go out with her if she looked and smelled like a serf.

"She's such a slave driver," Kairi said, "What did you ever see in her?"

"She was a good friend. But I guess her not making _me_ dig holes might've had something to do with that." He smirked. To Kairi, it looked like the most radiant smile she'd ever seen. She determined to step up her efforts in getting him to fall in love with her.

Kairi stared at him.

"That's... _great!_ I mean, sure it's still wrong to want to _kill_ someone– but _lots_ of people want to kill the Praetor," Kairi rambled. "However, this is good start. I knew you weren't unreasonable!" She grabbed his hand and pulled him back toward the house. She ignored his hisses at the unwarranted contact.

"Mom was so worried about you turning up like this, all evil."

_This is great,_ she thought. If Mom and Frega could reconcile their friendship then Kairi could hang around him as much as she wanted! She could take him on a date– er, take him to see the (romantic) sights of Destiny Island… all alone… and at night.

"Beaker!" Mom called from the kitchen when she heard the back door open, "You've been at it all day! I was wondering when you'd take a break, you don't have to kill yourself you know… oh."

"_Beaker?_" Frega said.

"Heh, pet name," Kairi explained with a sheepish grin, a blush spread over her unburned skin. "Hey, Mom, Frega has something to say!" She shoved Frega towards the kitchen and beamed stupidly at Mom.

Frega tried to look as conciliatory as a person who never offered apologies could appear to be.

"Uh... well..." he nervously scratched the back of his neck.

"I'll leave you two alone," Kairi said. She bounced up the stairs to her room to change into a more flattering outfit. It was dreadful that all she had in her closet were too bright and lame, she decided after looking at her options. What if one wanted to leave a more _mature_ impression?

She remembered the way the single women threw themselves unsuccessfully at him. Even in her state she could see that he seemed to get more out of heaping abuse on the women rather than receiving attention.

Things would be different for her, she knew.

_I've got an edge._ She smiled at her reflection in the full-length mirror in her room. Even when she was smug she was sickeningly, _appallingly_ cute and mysterious.

_I better wash up first,_ she combed her fingers through her hair.

She listened to the two adults for a second on her way to the bathroom.

"Soooo…" Mom drew this out, "You want to _kill_ my husband?"

"Yeah. Isn't it strange how things work out?"

"Yes, it _is_." Mom said through clenched teeth.

_They're getting along,_ Kairi nodded happily and went to wash up. 

She just missed the knock at the door.

* * *

"The flowers might be a bit much," Wakka said to himself just before the door opened and the Mayor looked at him with a stunned expression.

"Yes?" she prompted after he stood silent for too long.

"Hi, Mayor!" he said and held out his hand. His nerves made him jumpy and he nearly jabbed his hand right into her chest. She took his hand.

"Good Afternoon, Wakka. Are those for me?" she glanced at the small bouquet he held in a death grip. The lad blushed furiously and stuttered badly. "I see," she said, "You're here to see Kairi."

"Yes! Me see Kairi!" he gasped, his fear let go of him and he relaxed. Now that he'd gone through with this part he felt a lot less nervous– kinda like when he was called upon to make the winning goal for the final game last year. Yeah, he cheered himself, that's the ticket! It's just like sports...

_Like baseball,_ a wicked part of his mind whispered.

_Shut up!_ he yelled at it.

"Come into the living room," the Mayor said with a resigned air, "she'll be back down in a minute. By the way, this is Mr. Frega." Wakka barely spared the blue-haired elf in the sharp suit a glance and a civil handshake. Not that Mr. Frega seemed eager to touch him, Wakka noted.

What would he say to her? He was winging this thing so far, having gotten the urge to see her as soon as he got up from the first untroubled sleep he'd had since his friends…

It still hurt to think of his friends.

The Mayor offered him some tea, but he was too wound up to accept. The blue-haired elf said something in a snooty voice, but Wakka didn't pay attention. The Mayor scowled at her guest. They all sat there uncomfortably for while, before the Mayor finally turned to Wakka and said:

"Mr. Frega owns a hi-tech transport company, Wakka. Isn't that lovely? Hmm?" She looked kind of worried. The two adults leaned in toward Wakka and it really made him feel hopelessly out of place.

"Gee… That's great. I guess," Wakka politely commented.

"Good evening, everybody!"

Kairi came slinking down the stairs. She had washed the grime out her hair and for some reason she was wearing those fancy high-heeled shoes from the other night as well as a rather clingy dress

For Wakka, the wind blew gently and the angels sang.

"Kairi," the Mayor put her hand to her forehead and sighed.

"You have a suitor," Frega sneered. Wakka decided he didn't like this guy.

"Oh, that's just Wakka," Kairi said to Frega in a completely un-Kairi-like simpering manner. "We're just friends!" She walked right past Wakka without even looking in his direction.

_Ouch! Noooooo!_ His self esteem took a header off a very tall cliff.

"Can you stay for dinner?" she asked Frega, "Can he, Mom? Please?"

"Wakka," the Mayor took pity on him, "would you like to stay for dinner as well?"

* * *

The Mayor's cooking was legendary in the tri-island area and almost made up for Wakka's bruising disappointment. He didn't know what Seared Red Mullet was (his own family being the fast-food family from hell) or what went into it, but the experience nearly distracted him from the disturbing way Kairi practically draped herself over the obnoxious creature.

While Frega and Kairi were setting out plates the Mayor pulled Wakka aside.

"Don't take any of this personally, Wakka. She's not herself just now, and if you give it a little time she'll forget all about him. You're a fine young man and you shouldn't give up on her yet."

The Mayor had a way of making people feel comfortable in weird situations like this. Too bad it wasn't working just now.

"He's got an unfair advantage, you see, but it won't last. It's a way of making people trust him immediately– a glamour, if you will. Does that make sense?" He nodded, even though he didn't understand.

"By the way, have you met him before? You don't seem to like him very much."

No, he pointed out that if he had met an elf once in his sheltered life on the island he would've remembered it– especially one that had the loathsome habit of making snide comments under his breath and "accidentally" tripping people from time to time.

What did Kairi see in him? Was she nuts?

* * *

Kairi got her wish to have unhindered access to Frega.

Mom believed that by trusting people you could get them to trust you, and this was how she would win her friend back to the ranks of reasonable people. He would dine with them, hang around them, whatever was needed to get him to open up to them and reveal what he had against his former friends.

"Why don't you stay with us?" Mom insisted after dinner and Wakka awkwardly excused himself.

"But Myrna–" Frega began to argue.

"I'm not letting an old friend of the family sleep out in the woods, or wherever you've been hiding. You're staying here!"

"Hey! I'll help you get your luggage!" Kairi insisted.

"Excellent idea!" Mom agreed.

So Kairi was sent to fetch his luggage.

"Don't try anything cute," Frega said to Kairi on their way to his campsite. They came to the intersection at the end of the main drag where the road once panned out from asphalt to dirt.

"I won't," Kairi lied, and smiled so hard you could hear the "ping" of the sunlight on her teeth.

Several "Oops I fell over" ploys later and they were out in woods. Kairi nearly walked right over the campsite. Frega brought so little with him, that it only took a few minutes to pack up his things.

"You want to see something beautiful?" she asked when they finished.

"What?" he asked in a completely bored voice. "Are you gonna take me to a tree house or something? Because I'm not interested."

_Okay, the Cove is out, what else do I got?_ She recovered.

"It's a natural wonder..."

He hesitated.

* * *

"Ah, this is so romantic," Kairi leaned against him. She led him to an isolated cliff that overlooked the ocean. They were surrounded by trees and well hidden from prying eyes.

"Friendly little thing, aren't you?" Frega shook her off. "Don't you have any hobbies or something else you can do? Please don't tell me you chase old men (and elves) for recreation."

"N-no."

"Good. Now, I'm sure a vibrant young lady such as yourself has a lot of friends, so why don't you go and play with them."

"They're missing," Kairi said matter-of-factly. "The only one left is Wakka." She stopped, what would he think of her? "Not that he isn't nice and all, it's just that we had our own... _inner circles._"

"So what do you do all day now? Surely you don't hang around all alone. Not on this island with all these immoral pirates and those strange mages!"

"Not always. I take care of Mom. I do yard work and chores." She refrained from adding _and don't call me shirley._

"What a good child," he said. He patted her on the head.

She beamed at the compliment, but she could've done without the head patting.

"I like machines. Tell me about the machines your company makes."

Frega sighed.

"I don't think it would be easy to explain," he said quietly, "without a tour of my facility." He suddenly frowned (and if she were on her guard or more herself she would've found it a bit theatrical.) "Your mother would never let me take you there. Such a shame, it's not that far away. We could be there and back in less than an hour." He shrugged. "Oh well. Mothers."

If Frega had offered to take her swimming in shark-infested waters wearing a wet suit made of steak she would've jumped at the offer. He smiled hugely when Kairi told him that maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if she went with him without telling her mother.

They _would_ be there and back in an hour; what would be the harm?

* * *

"_You can't have a job,_" Wakka stated, and it was a clear fact, their Mom would never allow her sons to hold jobs until they finished school. Chappu only looked at his brother sadly and shook his head.

"I already signed a legally binding contract; had my lawyer check it and everything. I'm going to miss that guy," he said fondly.

"What kind of company hires an eleven year-old? What possible use could they have for you? I've never even heard of this company– they could be slavers, or pedophiles!"

"Look, Bro," Chappu stopped packing and stood up to face Wakka, "You know what I've been doing all these years– the scheming, the dealing, things of that nature?"

"Well, uh," Wakka started to squirm. He did know, but he and his family always looked the other way in the interest of familial harmony. Besides, he kinda got the feeling that it made Mom a little proud.

"Well I've pretty much gotten as much done as I'm ever gonna do here. This is small stuff, I want to move on to bigger things. I want respect."

"But what about school?"

"Isn't my thing," Chappu resumed packing.

"Mom won't like this."

"She and Dad already know."

"What?"

"They both said it was okay."

"_What?_"

"Mr. Frega already came over to talk to them. Man, I didn't think they'd let me go either– except Dad might've gone with it, I dunno– but he just shows up and suddenly they can't be prouder."

"_Prouder?_"

"Yeah, if I didn't know any better I'd be a little insulted about being pushed out the door so fast. That Mr. Frega… I've got to find out how he does that."

"You're talking about how everyone thinks he's the greatest thing since Lobster Roll Saturdays at the Blue Parrot?" Wakka said miserably. He couldn't understand it. The little creep was so irritating.

What was wrong with everybody?

"Oh he's con artist, I know _that_," Chappu said, "but he's too good. I'm gonna get his secret for myself."

"I do not like this," Wakka snorted.

"He's _such_ a fantastic liar, a great con artist," Chappu said.

"I know, and he's a jerk! He's always insulting people."

Chappu paused to consider this.

"Yeah," he said slowly, "Yeah, I think you might be right. _Damn!_ That must be some secret weapon he's got!" Chappu frowned. "Hey! How come you don't like him? You've got to be the only one."

"How can _anybody_ like him. He's so... so..." Wakka struggled to find the word that fully encapsulated his loathing for the creature.

"Yeah, but, don't you admire him? Even a little?"

"You must be crazy," Wakka snapped.

"No. _You_ must be immune to it!" he sat back and scratched his head. "I wonder why that is?"

Wakka started to pace around the room he shared with his little brother for nearly all Chappu's life.

"Well if Frega's used "the whammy,"" Wakka made the hanging bunny ears with his fingers, "to convince Mom and Dad to let you go– and that's another thing, where are you supposed to be going?"

"Lunarian Concern Home Office. I think it's in the Sandwich Islands or something."

"You shouldn't go. They'd never let you go under normal circumstances!"

"Well that's my job," Chappu sighed. "I take advantage of unusual situations to improve my lot in life, and if you guys knew the things I did for this community– well, it'd blow your minds!" He finally closed his gym bag and hoisted it over his shoulder. "You shouldn't worry about me, I'll be okay. I'll call you guys tomorrow and tell you all about it; then you'll see."

Wakka followed Chappu out the front door while trying to think of another reason, a _great_ reason for Chappu not to leave.

"You going to see me off?" Chappu asked.

"Yep," Wakka said, grateful for the prolonged opportunity to stop this terrible mistake.

"We better shake a leg then," Chappu looked at his watch.

* * *

_To Be Continued _


	4. 03 Undun

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix etc, etc... A/N 5/29/06: This chapter has been rewritten since it was posted. I just wasn't happy with a lot of elements the first time around.

Undun is by and copyright The Guess Who, from The Greatest Hits of the Guess Who album.

* * *

**Undun**

The four people (Frega and Kairi, Wakka and Chappu) converged at the Blasted Heath, a burned out spot in the woods with an old well in its center. All the kids on the island simply _knew_ it was haunted.

"Kairi," Wakka pulled up short when he saw her and blushed.

"You," Frega said to Wakka.

"Wakka?" Kairi said.

"And Chappu!" Chappu said.

"I said come _alone_," Frega said coldly.

"He's my _brother_," Chappu said, giving him a what-could-I-do smile, "he just wanted to make sure I'm doing okay."

Frega glared at Wakka, who glared right back.

Time passed...

Wakka looked away first, because there is no human that can out stare an elf. Damn blinking reflex.

"I see. You're a comedy _duo..._" Frega said humorlessly when they broke off the staring contest. He sighed. "This way children." Frega led them out of the Heath into the woods.

Frega made a beeline through the woods and barely slowed when he reached the untamed jungle that served as a border between the town of Destiny and the Island's wilderness. Nobody came here, not the children and usually not the adults. They walked for a little while, and then quite suddenly Frega stopped.

A wide set of concrete stairs descended a short distance to a large set of steel double-doors.

"Has this always been here?" Wakka asked Chappu. His brother shrugged. He could feel the ground vibrate beneath their feet. There was something that stood out from the structure– so eerily familiar and yet if he had seen such a thing for the first time it still would have struck him as canny.

"Well, kiddos," Frega said jovially. "Let's go, spit-spot!" He jogged down the steps and pushed open one of the heavy doors. The door swung open without a sound and they stepped through into a hallway five times the length of the town hall.

Everyone gaped.

"Welcome to Isla Symphonic, or Isla Luminos," Frega said to the children. They stared at the minotaur guards flanking the door. "Soon to be the Earth side offices of Lunarian Concern."

"Looks expensive," Chappu said as he cleared the doorway. It slammed shut behind him.

"When did you build this thing? Does the Mayor know?" Wakka asked. Frega ignored him completely.

"Why'd I have to pack if you're already here?" Chappu asked.

"The job of assistant requires that you travel with me," Frega said. "And I'm always on the move."

"Really?" Kairi looked adoringly at the elf. "Where are you going next?"

"That's _company_ business," he said tersely. He led them down the lavish hallway.

The hallway ended in a large chamber, five stories of balconies, every floor ringed with openings to hallways. Machinery roared in the center of it all. Sparks floated down from the steel heart suspended in the hive. Technicians of every shape measured and adjusted instruments everywhere.

"Shouldn't this be visible above ground?" Wakka asked.

"Maybe," Chappu said.

"Ingr," Frega called to a harried woman. She immediately changed direction and ran to meet her boss. "This is Chappu. He's my new assistant. Take him to HR for orientation."

"What about my brother?"

"Take this one to the guest quarters, Level 1," he cocked his thumb at Wakka. "And I'm going to be busy for the next hour, I don't want to be disturbed."

"No! Kairi, don't go off alone with this guy," Wakka said. "I don't trust him." Frega still paid no attention to him.

"Don't be so uptight," Kairi hissed, embarrassed at his rudeness. "It's just a tour!"

"But Kairi!"

"This way please," Ingr said, digging her pincer-like fingers into his shoulder and forcing him to leave his friend.

Frega smiled as he waved goodbye to Wakka.

* * *

Ingr and the boys left them.

Kairi couldn't wait to see the entire complex. She barely paid attention to the fate of her friends, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from the complicated– _beautiful _machinery around her. All of it looked so decorative as well as powerful, useless filigree everywhere!

"What's this do?" she asked.

"This just powers our facility."

"These are generators?"

"A few. Most of these are capacitors and regulators. Does any of this honestly interest you?"

Kairi folded her hands behind her back and nodded.

"Well, whatever," he muttered. "Let's go see the star."

He led her through so many hallways that if she had bothered to try and memorize their path she would've been lost anyway. Many technicians and more than a few androids or robots passed them but gave little indication of noticing her or Frega. At most a couple of the obviously higher-ranking workers nodded to the elf, who didn't nod back.

He pointed out many minor points of interest, but kept her moving along. They reached a darkened hallway, and he had to submit to a hand scan to enter the next room.

"It's name is Castor 4. The techs have been calling it the Jewel of Isle, or some such nonsense," Frega pulled Kairi into the dim observation room. The large viewscreen showed an unimpressive grayish image of a slowly rotating star. The star's surface rippled and ebbed hypnotically. "We encased it in a Dyson sphere, and we're gathering a massive amount of energy from it."

"And here it is," he walked to a small circular table with a sphere mounted in a nest of cables sitting on it. A forcefield glimmered around the table.

"That little thing's a star?"

"You'd be surprised at how small they can get," Frega said. "This one was on it's way to Earth, and we caught it."

"That's so... _unscientific_," she said distantly. She wondered how much power the little sphere generated, what materials were used, that kind of thing. Her grasp of astrophysics was as bad as her grasp of world events. "Surreal."

"You can do anything, if you're motivated enough," Frega said and smiled mysteriously.

"Where do _you_ work?" Kairi asked. She stood on the tips of her toes she was so excited. It was just like a futuristic sci-fi flick! Maybe she could convince Mom to let her come back another day to take a closer look.

"Right this way," Frega said. He sounded almost bored.

"There must be a lot of exciting things in the life of a... what are you anyway?" Kairi said almost skipping behind him.

"Middle management," Frega said. She could hear a tiny sliver of distaste and self-loathing in his voice.

They stepped onto an elevator (even the elevators were elaborately decorated) and Kairi grabbed his arm as the platform started to move. She could feel him breathing hard, as though trying to control a panic attack. He stared straight ahead while the floors flashed past and except for the rapid breathing he'd be as still and solid as rock.

_He's so defensive, _she thought.

"Let go of me," he ordered coldly as soon as the elevator stopped. He looked visibly ruffled, his tail twitched back and forth.

"Sorry."

He smoothed his hair back and calmed down.

"This way, it's just around the corner."

It was the only door in the corridor. He unlocked it and they stepped into a dark office with a very realistic wall to wall photo of the galaxy.

"Whoa. Very swanky!" Kairi whispered. Frega ignored her and shut the door. He turned up the lights and started to rustle through the drawers of the enormous, posh desk in front of the window.

"You could live in a space this big," Kairi said as she admired the office. The office was lined with bookshelves and packed with interesting gadgets.

"I do."

"All alone?"

"Yep."

"Where do you sleep? On this couch?"

"Sometimes. Ah." He found the item he searched for, a stack of papers, and tucked them under his arm.

"Where to now?" she asked excitedly.

"Oh, the tour's over." He said without looking up at her. He strode to the door. "Now you behave, and don't put your lips on anything."

"What? Is this a joke?"

"I have to keep you out of the way," he said. "I need you to stay put for the next day or two."

"I can't stay here for two days, silly!" Kairi giggled, though she would've been happy to. "Why do I have to stay here for two days?"

"Revenge."

"Oh, this _again. _That sounds more like an inconvenience than a revenge," Kairi pointed out.

"Well... _yeah,_ but think about how... um... _worried_– yes, think about how worried your mother will be. Ooh! I'm so villainous."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Look, kid, just do what you're told. I've got things to do." With that he left the office. The door shut behind him with a loud click.

"Heeey, I think he's serious." Kairi stood up and tried to shake the dopey feeling that weighed her down.

The lights in the office turned off.

"_Hey!_"

* * *

"I'll get this straightened out, I promise," Chappu left with Ingr. The door to the "guest quarters" slid shut and locked.

_Locked!_

"Aww, _man!_" Wakka mumbled. He turned to confront the benign horrors of the guest quarters.

A man with long blonde hair that was graying at the temples pounded at the piano in the center of the room. Wakka approached him cautiously. He didn't recognize the tune, but the style reminded him of the sort of things that you heard on classic rock radio stations.

"You know," the man said without missing a note, "_guest quarters level one_ is actually a place where the company keeps prisoners it can't afford to kill." Wakka backed away from the man.

The only other occupant in the room was a little girl with long, black hair and the oddest little pet he'd ever seen. The little creature sat next to her while she wrote furiously in her notepad. She looked perplexed. He felt an instinctive desire to cheer her up– it was just the way he was, a rare individual that liked children.

"Hi," Wakka said cheerfully.

"Hi," she said slowly, suspicious of him. She visually gauged him and was unable to drag her gaze from his amazing cowlick. "Are you lost too?"

"Just waiting." Wakka sat down on the couch with her. The little pet sniffed him, decided he wasn't a threat, held out a paw and said: "Hi!"

Wakka yelped and crabwalked to the end of the couch.

"_I'm_ not lost," the guy at the piano suddenly stopped playing, "I know _exactly_ where I am! _Exactly!_"

"Don't worry, he doesn't bite," the little girl said to Wakka. "His name is Stitch. I'm Lilo."

"My name's Wakka." He forced himself to relax. Stitch looked at him curiously.

"And my name is Edward," the piano guy got up and threw himself across another comfy couch. The quarters were filled with soft couches, beautiful tables covered with diversionary games and books. Sunlight filtered down from the skylight.

"Been here long?" he asked them for lack anything better to say.

"Nope," Stitch said.

"We found a new place to play," Lilo said, "and then some mean woman showed up and put us here."

"I've been here about a week," Edward said. "I'm getting used to being confused. You know, according Fry, or Frega–"

"Grrrr," Wakka and Stitch growled.

"You know him, I see. Well, I woke up in some mountain village last week– _looking like _this– and he tells me that I've been in a coma for the past twenty years! I'm too young to be old, man! Anyway, he drags me out of there and sticks me in here. Do you know why? Does anybody have a cigarette?" he asked.

"How should I know? And no, I don't smoke," Wakka said. This guy was a little intense. He already grated on Wakka's nerves.

"I mean, what's his deal?" Edward appeared to unexpectedly lose interest in the conversation. He looked away and started to twiddle his thumbs.

None of the other prisoners knew what to make of their unusual new friend.

"Nani', my sister, she's probably worried about us," Lilo said. "It's been _hours._"

"My mom flips out when I don't get back by dark," Wakka sympathized.

"I wonder what my mother's done with herself," Edward mused. Wakka dared not encourage a conversation with the man and said nothing.

Edward happily scratched the stubble on his chin.

"He's obnoxious," Wakka whispered conspiratorially to Lilo, who shrugged.

"He's alright. He let me have all the candy in the candy bowl. And he gave me a gil," she showed him the green-blue paper currency of Burmecia, Destiny Island, and many other surrounding countries. "Do you think I could get an ice cream cone with this much?"

* * *

Kairi wandered around the office– _in the dark_, because no matter what she did she couldn't induce the lights to come back on. She walked straight from the couch to the other side of the office and bumped into Frega's display cases.

As soon as she tried to approach the lavish desk and received a fantastic jolt of electricity from out of nowhere. She squeaked and backed away from the desk.

"Warning! This desk is protected by the Ramuh-lama Security Company! Please do not tamper with this desk or lethal steps will be taken!" an electronic voice informed her.

She began to think that Frega was a jerk.

* * *

_It's over!_ Baralai stepped lightly through the Temple doors into the cool of the evening with a big smile.

"Nice ceremony," the unfortunate father of the bride commented.

"Thank you," Baralai said.

_I give it eighteen months_, he added mentally. He felt generous today.

_And now to head over to the Mayor's house._ Hopefully there haven't been any new developments in the puzzling case of Frega.

"Myrna!" he rapped on the front door and waited.

He waited a full thirty seconds before pounding on the door again and still he received no answer.

_Myrna wouldn't have left the house,_ he wondered, _not after I told her not to?_

The house lights weren't on, but that didn't necessarily mean anything– it was still pretty light out.

_Surely she wouldn't have,_ he thought. _They're in the back yard. Only explanation._ He calmly hopped the short fence with the climbing vines of white flowers (he didn't know flowers, but they were nice. Dr. Unne always had a flair for making plants _not _die.) The Praetor walked with some trepidation, he was walking uninvited on hostile territory after all, around the house to the porch. He saw the large hole in the ground and paused. The backyard was completely silent– and the weird part that made the hair on his neck stand up, was that even the birds held their peace. He ran into enough of this sort of thing to know that something serious was about to happen.

He quietly looked through the kitchen window and saw nothing out of order– except that it was dark. But the back door stood open. This in itself meant little, no one on the island locked their doors. However, _no one_ left their doors standing wide open when they left the house.

A man stepped out of the doorway. Baralai pressed close to the house. The man, a white mage by the look of him, completely missed Baralai's presence thanks to the potted moonflowers set upon the porch railing between them. The mage pulled the back door shut.

Baralai crept onto the porch and put his ear to the door. He heard a loud tearing noise and very little else. So this guy could possibly be working on his own, but what to make of the tearing noise?

"Mayor, you're starting to piss me off," the man said. "Wake up!" Something in the kitchen crashed against the wall. It was all he could do to keep from throwing the door open and rushing into god knew what. "You have only yourself to blame that it's come to this."

"My... ugh. My..." he heard the Mayor say groggily.

"Yes?"

"Ah, my back!" Then he heard the Mayor gasp. "My dress!"

"You have bigger problems, I think," the mage said. "Remember me?"

She yelped.

_Yeah, this guy won't live to see a public execution, _Baralai thought.

"Head as hard as rock..." the mage muttered to himself. Baralai listened for the girl and hoped that she was off doing whatever it was she did.

"I really don't appreciate having to stoop to things like this. But here we are," the mage said. "I just thought you'd like to see this. Do you see this? It's a contract, between the Mayor of Destiny Island and the President of Zanarkand. A bill of sale. Not a bad reproduction of your signature! Heh-heh! They're going to flatten this town and turn it into a testing range for experimental weaponry. Thought you'd like to know before I give you a proper sendoff.

"Don't look at me like that! You'll be famous– _in_famous! Just like in a melodrama! Can you guess what I'm going to do now?"

"Why are you doing this?" the Mayor asked calmly.

"What does it matter, Madam Mayor? And after all this time spent trying to get in the nice way, I'm gonna go through your house and touch all your stuff now! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha–" the laughter was cut short so cleanly that it could've been a recording suddenly shut off.

"Who is _this_?" the mage said so quietly that Baralai nearly missed it.

"That's my daughter," the Mayor said, with a question in her voice. Hadn't this guy seen the girl over the past two months?

There wasn't another word spoken. Retreating footsteps left the living room and ascended the stairs.

Baralai waited a moment, and then quietly and very slowly opened the door.

He found the Mayor in the large recliner, she was straining against the duct tape that the mage used to tie her down. He must have used a couple of dozen rolls by the look of it, except for her head she was completely covered.

"You okay?" he whispered in her ear.

"No! There's a stranger in my house!" she whispered back. "And do you realize how hard it is to get tape adhesive stuff out of fabric?"

"Where's your kid?"

"I don't know," she said, her eyes full of worry. "She should've been back by now."

"Is he alone?"

"I haven't seen anyone else."

"I'll be right back," he said. She may have told him to be careful. Why did women do that? Would he have forgotten to be careful if no one told him to do so?

He climbed the stairs, completely silent.

He peeked into the first room at the top of the stairs and paused. Posters for boy bands, horror movies, and pictures of other kids covered the walls. A dusty clump of metal parts and mechanical devices sat in the corner. Science fair ribbons littered the surface of the dresser where a complete set of Spamalot action figures stood posed for a musical number with Batman and the Joker. Beads, cheap jewelry, ribbons of all colors, materials, and varying purposes hung over every possible corner in the room. The floor was littered with clothes, comic books (Batman, of course)… and ball bearings.

_Oh my god, nerdity is _contagiousBaralai thought with a smirk. The place was a disaster area–

He heard the sound of silverware being dumped on the floor from the second bedroom. Baralai took a deep breath.

_This is it_, he reached into his surcoat and pulled out the handgun he always carried with him since his last trip into the treacherous wilds of Sherwood. He quickly marched into the master bedroom to confront the man.

"Excuse me?"

The mage spun around.

"Who are you and what are you doing in the Mayor's bedroom?" demanded the Praetor.

"It's just not my day," the man smiled and shook his head. "Isn't it common knowledge that the Praetor avoids the Mayor's House at all costs?" He held up a bleeding hand and pointed to the pile of knives he'd pulled from under the bed; all in various states between rusted, broken, and brand new. "What's wrong with these people?"

"Answer the question, please," Baralai lifted his firearm slightly aiming at the mage's head. He'd gotten plenty of target practice lately. "You're trespassing."

"The name's Garm." Garm drew his sword, an elegant falchion with a hawk symbol etched into the metal. "What's it look like I'm doing?"

"Annoying the town's _beloved_ Mayor," Baralai stood at the ready. He estimated the mage's age at about half his own– his hair was still dark and his face unlined.

"I didn't think mages carried swords," Baralai said.

"I know. You don't _look _like a crooked priest."

"Presentation is very important."

"Indeed."

Each man stared down his opponent and estimated what the other's opening move would be. However impressive Garm's fighting skill was, it would be severely hampered by the cramped bedroom quarters.

"So this is how it ends," Garm said good-naturedly.

"It doesn't have to end this way," Baralai said. "Put down your weapon and I won't shoot you."

"Look," Garm said reasonably. "I am not about to let myself get taken prisoner and put myself in a position to be tortured."

"You insult me," Baralai said. "I find torture absolutely abhorrent."

"You may, but the people of this town might see things differently," he said sadly. "Yes. Quite differently."

And then, in a flash he lunged at Baralai. Startled, Baralai blew Garm's brains right across the bedroom.

* * *

Baralai dragged the dead mage down the stairs by his feet.

The front door flew open just as he got to the bottom of the stairs. Fujin dashed to the stairs.

"GUNSHOT?" she said hoarsely.

"Just an intruder," Baralai looked back at the thick trail of blood on the stairs and nearly retched.

The Mayor still lay on the chair in her duct tape cocoon. Fujin cut her out of the chair, ruining both the chair and the Mayor's long blue dress.

"Is Kairi up there," the Mayor asked.

"No," Baralai said.

"Fujin? What are you doing here, isn't Law & Order on?"

"Wakka missed his curfew," Fujin said quietly.

"Remain calm, you two," Baralai said unnecessarily, "Do you know where they were _supposed_ to be last?" Baralai asked them. Fujin shook her head.

"Kairi was supposed to be with Frega. She went to help him bring his things here. I was going to let him stay," the Mayor said. "And don't give me that look, Baralai. Frega's our _friend_. I don't know what's wrong with him, but I don't believe he'd ever harm us."

"Frega," Fujin said. "Chappu left today. Frega gave him a job. It's possible that Wakka could've gone with him."

"Then maybe they're all together," the Mayor said.

"But Wakka would never break curfew," Fujin pointed out. "_Never._"

"That mage could've done something to them," the Mayor said, starting to panic. Fujin glared at the body in the foyer.

"We must search the island before jumping to any drastic conclusions," Baralai said. "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find them."

* * *

_To Be Continued _


	5. 04 Feel Good Inc

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix etc, etc...

Feel Good Inc. is by and copyright The Gorillaz, from their Demon Days album.

* * *

**Feel Good Inc.**

Wakka spent the day in the "guest quarters" and though they were lavish and accommodated him and his co-captives in every capacity he came to hate them–

_Hate!_

_Hate!_

_Hate!_

_Hate!_

–absolutely _hate_ them by the end of the day.

For one thing he never saw human employees, and that in itself was frustrating. Lunarian Concern employed Kill-Bots to take care of maintenance in the "guest quarters" and what with their razor-sharp rotating claws he didn't dare approach them.

Where was the human touch? It was the worst customer service he'd ever experienced... almost as if they were actually in a prison instead of... _heeey._

His worry for Kairi and his brother grew exponentially every hour. How long could it take to fill out tax forms or take a tour?

To keep from going insane he took it upon himself to keep his new friends busy and assume the role of adult in charge. Edward just wasn't up to the task and someone had to make sure the kid and her dog didn't hurt themselves.

He tried to distract them by teaching them how to play the greatest blood sport ever invented– blitz ball.

"Okay, Stitch, now Lilo is close enough to score a goal," Wakka stood between Lilo and Stitch in the space they cleared in the center of the room– their imaginary blitz ball stadium. Edward sat in front of his and Wakka's couch/goal cracking his knuckles, staring off into space, and humming.

"Catch," Stitch said and gently tossed the ball to Lilo. Wakka snatched it out of the air.

"Ah-ha! Now what just happened?"

"An interception," Lilo said. "But if you ask me, the left fielder is obviously throwing the game."

"Am not," Stitch said.

"I think it would be much more fair if we tied your hands behind your back and made you use your head," Edward said.

"That's _soccer_," Wakka said for the umpteenth time.

"Whatever, man."

"I wanna try and make a goal now," Lilo said.

"Alright, alright. Do-overs." He tossed the ball back to Stitch. Stitch threw it back to Lilo, who drop-kicked it at Edward. Edward flinched out of the way and allowed the ball to bounce into the goal.

"You're not a very good goalie," Lilo said, not unkindly. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you."

"I can't help it. I suffer from unspeakable dodge ball flashbacks." Edward rolled back up into the sitting position. "Do you know how many people have been killed in this sport?"

"Oh, please," Wakka snorted.

"It's true, man. It's the only sport where people are allowed to regularly blind, poison, and cripple each other."

"Like sabotage before the game?" Lilo asked.

"No, the players beat up on each other during the game," Edward said. "I once saw this guy _tear the arms off _of one of the opposing players and–"

"That never happened," Wakka told a wide-eyed Lilo.

"_beat the lady_ until she dropped the ball, and then he used one of the arms as, kinda of like a golf club to hit the ball into the goal."

"I think I've seen that movie," Wakka realized. Yes, he saw it on a late nite show last year– _The Naked _something or other.

"It's all perfectly safe," Wakka said. "Nobody's ever died from being hit with a ball." To be honest, there are rare instances in the history of any sport of accidental deaths. A highly trained and gifted athlete is capable of sending a projectile hurtling at speeds of 100 mph or more. But Lilo, Edward, and Stitch didn't need to know that, especially when he was trying to win an argument.

"Some blitz balls come with these _needle-y spikes this long_," Edward held up his thumb and forefinger to demonstrate.

"Whoa!" Lilo said.

"Those are old-fashioned _weapons_, not regulation blitz balls," Wakka argued.

"But you can still really mess someone up just by doing this–" Edward lobbed the ball as hard as he could at Wakka's head– but the skinny man was no match for seventeen year-old reflexes and years of uninterrupted training. Wakka caught the ball easily and tossed it back to Lilo.

"Weak, weak, weak!" Wakka crowed, not paying attention to Lilo. She threw the ball to Stitch, who took aim at Wakka.

SMACK!

* * *

"Bro? Wake up. Wake-y wake-y!"

Wakka came to and found Chappu jabbing him in the stomach with a stick.

"Chappu? You're _alive_?" Wakka leapt to his feet.

"You _really_ hit your head hard. I came to tell you that this job thing ain't exactly workin' out, do you want to go home?" he asked casually.

"Oh, it's not working out," Wakka said sarcastically.

"Nah, so much was promised, but so little was actually gained," he threw himself onto a couch and sighed. "I'm quittin'."

"_Already?_ How long were you actually employed?"

"Two hours," Chappu said with a smile and a lift of the eyebrows. Wakka had a feeling that Chappu might've done something felonious during those two hours.

"And they'll just let us go? Just like that?"

"Eh, actually it's going to be a little more _involved_ than that," Chappu said guiltily.

"I _knew_ it!" Wakka said. "We're prisoners!"

"Told you, man," Edward said.

"There's no direct way back so we'll have to bypass the normal route by treacherous means," Chappu laced his fingers together, as he was wont to do when explaining something was complicated, a strange habit he picked up recently. "But don't worry, I'm working out a plan with these other guys. It could take a couple days."

"_A couple days?_" Everyone shouted.

"What about Kairi?" Wakka asked. "Is she alright?"

Chappu looked at his feet and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Er, something weird is going on with her and Mr. Frega."

"I _knew it_!" Wakka growled.

"She's alright. Mr. Frega is taking excellent care of her. He just won't let her leave."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"So we're... prisoners," Lilo said.

"Yep," Chappu said.

They all quietly mulled over this unhappy revelation.

"Sooo, we're going to escape. Right?" Lilo asked.

"Of course!" Chappu said confidently. "Just leave it to me!"

"What's the plan?" Wakka asked. Chappu shook his head and winked.

"You guys just sit tight. I'll let you know when my guy is ready."

* * *

"Rest in peace, you filthy animal," Baralai said sadly. He kicked the bundled body off the end of the pier into the harbor. The four pirates who attended the impromptu funeral bowed their heads.

"I'd like to say a few words," Captain Bikke said. "Goodbye Garm. Sorry ye never got to see yer home town again."

"Yar," the other three pirates said. They put their hats back on and wandered on their way.

"Captain Bikke? You were acquainted with this man?" Baralai questioned.

"Only an acquaintance," Bikke said. "He used to come around the Parrot and gossip with us. Always talked about how homesick he be."

"Did he say where he was from?"

"No. Guess he thought we'd sack it if he said where it was, and the way he talked about it I was half-tempted." Everyone knew Captain Bikke hadn't left port for the past twenty years, and he wouldn't have left Pravoka if there hadn't been an anti-pirate legislation act that forced him out.

Baralai thanked him and sent him on his way.

"Any sign of them?" he asked the women when they returned. Fujin shook her head.

"And nobody saw anything," the Mayor threw up her hands. "You'd think I'd learn!"

"It's all in _how_ you ask," Fujin said and waved her shuriken threateningly.

"I don't want to be pushy," the Mayor said.

"What about the Cove?"

"It's empty," the Mayor said.

"There are no more children left on the island," Fujin said. "There's no more need for a constable," she said.

"No, don't quit," the Mayor said.

"I only took the job for the children's sake," Fujin shrugged. She turned and strode down the dock. "Besides, I have to go find my sons. I'm off to Zanarkand. See ya," she said.

"Zanarkand? Why?" Baralai said.

"She's right, you know," the Mayor took the bill of sale out of her pocket. She frowned and crumpled up the bill. "I have a little business there _myself_."

"Myrna, aren't you being a little hasty?"

"Nuh-uh. Time is critical. I 'm going to pack."

He watched her run back into town.

_Well, dinner isn't going to make itself,_ he thought.

He got to the edge of the town when he thought, quite innocently:

_Sure is dangerous out there, worse than what it used to be._

But everyone over the age of thirty says stuff like that. It was kind of funny that now _he _was guilty of the same thing.

Fujin is more than capable of watching out for the Mayor, he reasoned.

'_I know what I'm doing,'_ he heard Myrna's voice.

"I'm sure you do," he said out loud.

'_People are basically good.'_

"Well, that depends. Don't let go of that refreshing idealism."

'_I'm an excellent judge of character.'_

"And still you married Nerd-boy?"

'_Look! A hitchhiker! Come on, where's your sense of adventure?'_

"I remember that!" he chuckled. In his heart of hearts a tiny seed of concern took root.

'_I feel like I could take on the world! I'm gonna go bring some small-town justice to that biker bar.'_

"Dear god, that was only _last year_," he realized.

'_The solemn duty of every dragoon knight is to protect travelers,'_ this voice belonged to his mentor, Galuf. _Travelers! That's people like _her_, you simpleton!_

He stopped in front of his house behind the Temple.

His quiet, empty nest– er house.

Where he would eat dinner... all _alone. _And he'd wonder why his son ran away...

"Alright, alright!" Baralai yelled to the sky. "I'll get my things," he grumped.

He walked into the house and looked around.

What if Riku came back while he was gone?

He'd have to leave a note, he realized with a sinking heart. He was so bad at written sentiment. He went into his study and pulled a fresh sheet of paper from his stationary.

_Dear Riku,_

_I had to leave town for while again, I can't say why, but don't worry, EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY._

He chewed on the end of his pen (in spite of the fact that a while ago he'd chipped a tooth by doing this,) and made a mental note to make sure there was plenty of cash in the freezer.

It didn't feel like enough though, he usually had some idea how long he'd be gone when he left town. However, he didn't want to leave the boy with the impression that he was being abandoned.

_I know you know what to do, but remember to shut the screens at night, no strange visitors in the house, don't let the trash pile up, and don't leave your dirty dishes lying around the house. If you have any problems, Mr. and Mrs. Jaenzon are able to help you (their house is now over on Pelican Street.)_

He still felt he should offer some sort of explanation for what happened to the town. Luckily their house hadn't moved anywhere, so at least there's that.

_I'll call when I can._

He hoped he would be back before Riku got over whatever was bothering him this time. Things were awkward enough between them when he was there in person, he had no idea what kind of mawkish meanings Riku would read into the letter– too much concern or too little?

Oh well, it was in God's hands.

_I love you._

With a smile, he resisted the urge to put "and don't make that face," and signed "Dad." It wasn't quite right, but he didn't have all day to revise it. He rolled the letter up and set it in the jaws of the storm dragon's skull.

With everything in place and all the windows and doors shut he headed for the dock.

* * *

Once her eyes adjusted to the near-darkness, she discovered a tiny ray of light emanating from a small aquarium on the bookshelf. She slowly approached it and saw a small section of multicolored weeds bunch together and disappear. There were no fish, however.

She waited for him, but waiting is dull work and she eventually started to pull books from the shelves.

She flipped through _How To Mine For Fish_, _Why Is Uncle Faris Wearing A Dress, Inbreeding Chocobos For Fun And Profit_ before she picked up _The Autobiography of Cid Nefarious Volume I._

"_Cid Nefarious!_" she whispered and reverently felt the raised lettering on the cover. "Grampa."

She pulled the next book down, and the next, until she had thirty volumes of the autobiography on the floor around her.

She recalled the time she was assigned to document her family tree...

Mom's side had been easy to do. People in the North Kingdoms took tremendous pride in their clan connections and Mom had extensive knowledge of her family. Kairi didn't want to sit and listen for hours to stories of some old warlord or witch or whatever, so she fell over and pretended to die.

"Oh, all right smart ass, I get the hint," Mom huffed, but Kairi could tell she was amused– just a little.

Dad's story had as little information as Mom's had reality. Orphaned when he was five, he grew up at the Center of White Magic in Burmecia, a boarding school. He didn't even know his parent's names.

The idea didn't bother him at all.

"It never came up. I'm sure it's in the records," he said absently while typing at his computer. He paused. "No. You know, I don't think Grandfather told them anything when he left me there..."

"At least you know who your grandfather was– right?" she asked hopefully. At this point Dad got a shifty look, and she realized that he was _embarrassed._ She thought that it was because he had no idea who his grandfather was either, and she really couldn't blame him. He was only kid at the time.

Dad ducked his head and mumbled something.

"What?"

"I said, _Cid_. His name was Cid."

"Cid Unne?"

"Well, yes," he said uncomfortably.

He mumbled again.

"Daddy! Stop that! This is for _school_."

"Cid Nefarious– alright? It's Cid Nefarious," he grimaced.

"You're joking."

"I'm serious." He had to dig out the few mementos he had of the man– a few letters and one cracked photograph of himself and Cid (the only time grandfather and grandson met) before she believed him.

Cid Nefarious, legendary airship captain and hero of the people. His real feats of derring-do were only second to his imaginary feats. He was the inspiration for many pulp books and television series. He was said to be the wiliest, bravest, and craziest man to sail the skies.

What wasn't much publicized, Dad explained, was Cid's incredible vulnerability: his romanticism. He was a lonely man who craved the intimacy and safety of a committed relationship.

"_Now_ who's telling fairy tales," Mom snorted.

"It's true. Grandfather swept many women off their feet– but the second he opened his mouth..." Dad trailed off dramatically.

"What? What happened?" Kairi asked.

"He had... a _speech impediment!_"

"That's it? Girls didn't like him 'cause he talked funny? That's _not fair_."

Doesn't love conquer everything?

"It's simple. Imagine being rescued by a dashing stranger, spending an unforgettable, life-altering night with... Um... You know what Kairi," her father started to dither. She didn't understand at the time why he suddenly got fidgety. Mom picked up the narrative.

"After one helluva night, you roll over to greet this dreamy manly-man and he opens his mouth and–"

"Yes," Dad said,"and well, you remember _Life of Brian_, right?"

"Was it like: '_I'm Pontius Piwate! Wewease Wogewr?'_ or more like _"Hi! I'm Biguth Dickuth!'_"

"_Kairi!_" Mom glared at Dad. Mom thought that movie was a little too raunchy for Kairi. Dad grinned sheepishly.

"So it killed the romance, did it?" Mom said. "Maybe he should've tried internet dating."

"Are you suggesting that _Cid Nefarious_, swashbuckling hero–"

"I'm just saying," Mom interrupted, "that his methods aren't conducive to finding a wife. They suck! Women who let some strange guy into their pants just because he looks good in leather aren't gonna necessarily settle."

"They _could_," Dad argued.

"Pshaw!" Mom waved him off.

"_Anyway,_ the result is that at last count, Grandfather has twenty-three illegitimate children and one legitimate child, the result of a drunken quickie wedding in some casino town somewhere. I'm the son of one of those people but I don't know who."

"Why didn't you ask him?" Kairi asked.

"I didn't think he cared to hear from me," Dad admitted. "By the time I got brave enough to try and contact him he'd already sold his airship, bought a space cruiser and left this world at light speed for Galgamack– oh, must be thirteen years ago now. He might as well be dead."

Kairi felt sorry for Cid. She decided that she'd write him a letter and let him know how her family was doing.

She told Selphie about her idea and though they swore to secrecy everybody found out about it. She found herself inundated with photos of her family and the island to scan into electronic format– that would be their best bet to reach him. The secret project took weeks to undertake in the school computer lab. No teachers could help, because they'd probably tell her parents and Kairi had a feeling that if Dad knew what she planned he'd put a stop to it.

She sent the completed letter to a mail service through Portico City two months later after saving up enough of her allowance and borrowing extensively from Sora (he immediately forgave the debt.)

She waited a long time for a response, so long that she eventually forgot about it.

Then ten months later a thick envelope was delivered to her house, with half the crew of the postal ship there to see. It seemed that the name on the return address had stirred up the postal workers, and there was a bet going on as to the authenticity of the sender.

The look on Dad's face was pretty priceless too.

She smiled and flipped open the thirtieth volume to the dedication page and read to her utter delight:

"This volume is dedicated to my granddaughter, Kairi, who gave me some lovely advice about a certain fruit..."

* * *

_To Be Continued _


	6. 05 Daydream Believer

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix etc, etc...

Daydream Believer is by and copyright The Monkees, from their The Birds, The Bees, & The Monkees album. (I love old music :)

* * *

**Daydream Believer**

"Sir, we've got a copy of the latest commercial, just as you asked," a young tech dropped by the office and left a DVD on Frega's desk. He spared Kairi the smallest glance, but other than that she was being ignored by all.

"Thanks Julian," Frega said.

He dismissed the tech and opened the cabinet doors of his bookshelf to reveal a large screen.

"Since we have such a handy test audience available," Frega said to her, "I'd like to show you this commercial that was developed to run once LC officially makes contact with Earth. Sit on the couch."

Frega dimmed the lights in the office and started the commercial.

It opened on a golf course.

"Why's that man wearing armor while playing golf?" she asked right away.

"Save your questions for later, please," Frega said.

"Hi there," the man said, the armor made his voice sound ominous and booming. "My name is Golbez, and I'd like to talk to you about transportation."

The name "Golbez" faded in on the screen and underneath it the title: "Vice-President of Lunanarian Concern Unlimited."

Some grainy black and white footage of a steam engine ran across the screen.

"Since ancient times, people have often wanted to get from point A to point B without spending too much of their time and energy worrying about how it was accomplished. But there _was_ a special brand of people who _did_ worry about it–"

A picture of the most photogenic technicians was slapped on the screen.

"_Our_ people. From the days of the hamster-powered horseless carriage–"

This time there was black and white footage of a hamster that had obviously been raised on steroids running through a wheel.

"–to the fuel-efficient elevators that ran on summoner burnings–"

A still of some women being roasted alive.

"Oh, how awful!" Kairi said.

"–all the way to today's Wish Fulfillment Warp Drive, Lunarian has been behind the scenes, making improvements and thinking outside the polygons! Our motto is: if it gets you somewhere, then it must have been built by Lunarian Concern!

"So maybe you're saying to yourself: Golbez, what can Lunarian do for me? For Earth? Well my friends, the sky is _not_ the limit! Your wildest dreams _can_ come true. For more information, we invite you to our booth at the Zanarkand Technology Trade Show in October for the unveiling of our launch product for Earth.

"Come on you earthlings! Do you want to stay on your lousy planet forever? Come to the Zanarkand Technology Trade Show, it'll change your life!"

The company logo and it's tagline dropped into the scene over Golbez:

Lunarian Concern of Earth Unlimited: We Just Want To Be Your Friends.

The commercial ended.

* * *

"I can't believe they have the gall to use us for a stupid market survey," Wakka said after the group in guest quarters one were forced to watch the commercial.

"_Please write your comments in the space provided on your survey,_" the KillBot ordered him.

Stitch rebelliously ate his survey form.

The door to the guests quarters opened. Chappu stood there with his gym bag slung over his shoulder and a grin on his face. In his other hand he held a gun that looked more like a toy. He aimed at the survey KillBot and fired the largest bullet any of them had ever seen. The projectile exploded on impact, spraying a translucent and noxious goo over the robot. It jerked and swayed.

"_zzzZZZzz...You...Won't...Get...Away...With...This...ZZZZZzzz"_ The Kill-Bot said in it's monotone mechanical voice before keeling over with a dramatic scream.

"Yeah? That so?" The kid asked in his baddest Bad-Ass voice, the effect wasn't exactly terrifying.

"Yay! We're leaving!" Lilo cheered.

"I'm bustin' us outta here," Chappu said. "Shut the door!"

"No! Let's get out of here right now!" Wakka said.

"I need a moment to plan! I'm a little winded. Plus, I'm kinda wingin' it cause somethin' came up and–"

"What do _we_ need to do?" Lilo said, getting down to business.

"Grab all the valuables that aren't nailed down and on fire, we'll need money."

"_Why?_" Wakka demanded.

"Okay!" Lilo and Stitch happily tore the room apart.

"What did you do?" Wakka asked.

"All part of my plan. Yes. All part of my plan."

"Chappu..."

"_All_ part of my plan!" Chappu said emphatically.

The door opened again. Another KillBot trundled into the guest quarters.

"_I... Need... LOVE..._" the KillBot screeched. Everyone screamed and ducked for cover.

Stitch suddenly howled and launched himself at the Kill-Bot. Chappu screamed and backed away from the machine. Stitch burrowed into the Bot's wires and ductwork, bending intricate networks and slithering through the tangle of insulation.

Everyone ran to get as far away from the rotating blades on the ends of the arms before they really started to get a-flailing.

Stitch exploded out of the chest-plate.

"_YIIII!_" he screeched. In one paw he held the motherboard. The Kill-Bot sparked and squealed horribly, the sound reverberated through the room.

And then the thing appeared to die, the limbs went limp. The only indication that there was any life left was the glowing LEDs on the "face".

Silence.

"Oh my god," Edward said, peeking over the couch. "We could've died..."

"_ZZZZZZZzzzzz..._" it suddenly tensed up, blades spinning, arms waving complicated patterns through the air. Everyone hugged together.

"_I'm... A... Little... ... Steamed!"_ it screamed. It turned, cut through the door, out into the hallway, and headed for points unknown. The noise faded away, and everyone relaxed.

"Well done," Chappu said breathlessly to Stitch. Stitch dusted his paws and smiled. Chappu reached down to pat him, but Stitch took a swipe at him.

"Can we go now?" Lilo asked.

"To my ride!" Chappu announced.

"Ride?" Wakka asked. "What ride?"

"No more questions!" Chappu marched into the hallway.

"You're planning on stealing a _car_, aren't you?" Wakka stormed after his larcenous brother.

"Please," Chappu sniffed, "Give me some credit."

"A ship?"

"A spaceship?" Lilo guessed. There was something about the way Chappu hitched his step at Lilo's guess.

"A spaceship?" Wakka asked. "A _spaceship?_"

"Can we focus on the problem at hand?" Chappu said in an attempt to dodge the subject.

"A spaceship! You can't walk the... No. I'm not going to stand aside and watch you commit grand theft, er, spacecraft, or whatever. What would Dad say?"

"But we're on a _space station_," Chappu said. "How else are we gonna get home?"

"_Outer_ space?" Wakka humphed.

"Outer _space_?" Lilo said.

"Nice try, now pull the other one," Wakka said. They stood in front of the elevator and waited for the doors to open.

"It's the only way to travel," Chappu said. He had a faraway look on his face and his trademark impish grin. "I'm gonna put a crew together and we'll travel the stars looking for treasure– like Cid Nefarious!"

"I'd like to be there when you try to run that plan past Mom!" Wakka snorted.

"I'll worry about that later," Chappu said, although Wakka knew that the little weasel had already thought five steps beyond getting past their mother. "Let's just get to the ship."

"You're unbelievable!" Wakka declared.

"Thank you. I am pretty amazing," Chappu buffed his fingernails on his shirt.

"We have to get help! Get the men together and kick these guys offa our island!"

"We're _not_ on the island," Chappu reminded him. "I'd _like_ to take us home the way we came– really, I'd _like_ to, but it's not possible. I told you it'd be involved. We're in space. I don't understand it either, but I care more about getting home than figuring out how I got here. Do you all agree?"

Everyone except Wakka agreed.

"We can steal an old ship," Chappu continued. "Just slip out into one of their ships and fly down to Earth for help."

"Tch," Wakka said.

"Just trust me on this," Chappu said. He patted Wakka on the back. "You know I'd never let you down, bro. I took care of everything, you don't have to lose your mind."

Wakka rolled his eyes.

"Good. Now we have to hurry, we don't have a lot of time."

"Hold my hand, Lilo," Wakka said. Lilo grabbed his hand and took Stitch's paw in the other.

"Hey," Lilo said, "Where's Edward?"

* * *

"If you're gonna stay, you're gonna work," Frega told her the first night when he finally returned to his office.

This meant that Kairi had to sit at a smaller desk and do tedious intern work while handcuffed to the chair all day. Kairi decided that she never, never, _never_ wanted a desk job of any type.

Ever.

Collate this, Kairi. Copy that, Kairi. Spell check these, Kairi.

_It could always be worse,_ she reminded herself. This thought didn't make her any less annoyed.

And Frega kept saying that he wanted her father dead, just kept repeating it. Things like that tend to make a girl reconsider her affections.

"I'm hungry," she said timidly around lunchtime. Frega called to the in-station restaurant to order some food. In under ten minutes a kitchen worker arrived at his door with a bag of sandwiches and a box of field mice.

"What are these for?" Kairi looked into the box of lively mice. They were really cute with their inquisitive, wiggly noses. She reached in to pet one.

"Don't put your filthy paws on my lunch," Frega snatched the box from her hands and sniffed it.

Frega picked out a mouse and bit it in half. He loudly crunched through the other half and stuffed another mouse into his mouth.

"_Ugh!_" Kairi looked at him in disgust. And to think she had been scheming of ways to sneak a kiss from him.

"You want one?" he said through a full mouth. Horror of horrors! She could see a patch of white fur peeking out of his mouth while he talked! He hugged the box closer however, since he apparently had no intention of letting a human eat from his plate. A tail dangled from the corner of his mouth, he noticed it and slurped it down.

"I'm not hungry after all," Kairi put her sandwich back in the bag. She kept her concentration on her work while he ate noisily.

After a long workday, a suited man with a nasally voice entered the office.

"Sir, you need to come down to the Robotics department," he said. Frega put down his pen and looked evenly at the man. "The..." the man looked at Kairi and coughed. "The KillBots are malfunctioning, sir."

"_Why_ does this require my personal attention?"

"Sir, they're attacking... not really _attacking_, so much as, well... They're_ malfunctioning, _sir," the man said nervously.

Frega dropped his paperwork on the desk and got up with a sigh.

"I trust you'll specifically explain what's happening on the way to the Robotics Lab, Bob," Frega said.

"Yessir."

"_You_," Frega jabbed a finger at Kairi. She gamely made a face at him. "Keep working. And _no funny business_."

As soon as he left she tried to slip her hands out of the handcuffs– no luck there. She got up and dragged her clunky chair across the office towards his desk. Maybe there'd be something to pick the lock with– or even better, the key, in the drawers.

She nearly screamed when the door opened again. But instead of Frega walking in, as she expected, a short, thin man with graying blonde hair swaggered in between a couple of KillBots.

"Thanks, Baby," he said to them.

"_I... Love... You..._" they both said to him.

"I'll never forget you," he said to them and tenderly blew kisses to them. Kairi felt invisible _and_ spectator to the aftermath of something _very_ wrong.

"_Call... Me..._" the KillBots said as they rolled out the door. The man turned around and saw her standing there. His eyebrows went up and he threw out his arms.

"Wow! A new friend!"

He bounded across the office bowed to her.

"My name is Edward, Edward Muir. The fourth! But _you_ can call me Baby, pussycat. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Are you a friend of Fry's?" he eyed the chair and the handcuffs and waggled his eyebrows.

_What is this?_ she wondered how hard it would be to knock the man out.

"Er... hello?" she said.

"Let me help you with that," he offered. He picked up the chair and helped her drop it in front of Frega's massive desk.

"Thanks," she said uncertainly.

"No problem. Say babe, what's _your_ name?"

"Kairi," she said.

"Nice name," he said. He just sat on the edge of the desk and smiled at her. And that was all, he just sat and smiled at her.

_Toys in the attic, _Kairi thought.

"O-_kay_," she said. Edward didn't seem interested in stopping her so she continued her search.

"You must be Wakka's girl," Edward said so suddenly that Kairi jumped.

"No, I'm not his– wait. You know Wakka?" she asked him.

"Know him? He was _delicious_!" Edward said.

"What..." Kairi stared at Edward in horror. Three days ago she would've taken this statement as a joke, but that was three days ago and this was now _and_ coming from an obvious crazy guy. "_Oh. My. God!_" she squealed.

Poor Wakka– big, sweet, kinda simple Wakka.

Edward winked at her.

* * *

"What is this?" Wakka asked Chappu when they stumbled into a dimly lit room, larger than he could ever have imagined possible. "I bet you could fit the whole island– no, _five_ Destiny Islands in here."

"Ship graveyard," Chappu said, "R&D dumps their rejects out here so they can pull spare parts off of 'em. Timing couldn't be more perfect. It's poorly guarded, and they just left a new model out here, so the engine and everything are still all together. Follow me."

They made their way over the catwalks quietly. The silence in the hangar was inviolable, scary in itself. The partially skeletized ships threw sharp shadows over them. The group twisted their heads this way and that trying to see all the different models.

Wakka still didn't feel right about leaving Kairi behind.

_I'll come back,_ he swore to himself, _Stay safe, Kairi._

He'd get her back and everything would go back to normal.

"Here she is! The Galaxy Starship Altoona," Chappu said proudly.

"Oooh," Stitch whistled appreciatively.

She was a garish little thing in bright yellow with splashes of black here and there, most of these black marks were obviously markings that the developers used to indicate sections of significance. The Altoona seemed to be in a perpetual lean, the angular protrusions and fins gave the impression that the ship's frame had slanted over due to poor workmanship. Several robotic arms hung limply from the belly, each tipped with some specialized tool. Four booster rockets stuck out at odd angles from the ship. Wakka guessed that this allowed the ship to hover if the pilot was skilled enough to try it.

All in all, it looked pretty frightening.

"Is this safe?" Wakka asked.

"She's not exactly easy on the eyes," a voice said, "but she's solid. With a little love, who knows?" a boy, roughly the same age as Wakka and dressed in the frilliest looking clothes outside of a costume shop, hopped from an open compartment and studied them.

"This is our pilot," Chappu said, "Zidane, this is my brother, Wakka, and two passengers, Lilo and Stitch."

"He's got a _tail_!" Lilo whispered to Wakka. Zidane leapt easily onto the catwalk and smiled at the little girl.

"Hello everyone, I'm Zidane Tribal. I have roughly three years piloting experience– mostly large airships– but I'm sufficient with starships. I'll be taking you to wherever it is you need to go."

"Are you also a former "guest?"" Wakka asked him

"No, but I've played one before," Zidane said. "You know– _Man in the Iron Mask_? No?"

"He's also one of the stage actors that the company employs to keep its station personnel from cannibalizing each other from sheer boredom," Chappu slapped Zidane on the back, "I saw him in the show– he's not bad."

"Not _bad?_" Zidane frowned.

"Oh," was all Wakka could think to say. So _that's_ what bothered him about this guy, he was just like those theatre kids at school. Secretly, he was really afraid of them.

"We also have a mechanic, but he's busy with the engine right now and it's probably wise not to interrupt him if you plan to live very long." Zidane said, already perfectly at ease with everyone. "We should be able to get going in a few minutes, so everybody, all aboard!" He led the way up the ladder into the ship. Lilo, Stitch, and Chappu ambled up after him. Wakka hesitated. He'd never been on anything faster or high-tech than a barge.

_I'm sorry,_ he apologized quietly to Kairi before he boarded the Altoona.

* * *

_Zanarkand..._

"Well, we made it in record time," the Mayor said again.

The cityscape loomed over the ship. Though the sun shone brightly and the autumn weather was unseasonably warm the shadows beneath the buildings were frigid and gloomy. Baralai loved to travel, but he hated cities; he hated Zanarkand most of all. During a visit he saw someone steal a prosthetic leg off a man– _while_ _he was still using it_.

"Thank you, Baralai," the Mayor said to him, her eyes full of admiration and maybe a little wistful longing. "We'd never have made it this far without you..."

"Why, thank you, Myrna," he said.

"Yarr, and ye've shown us sea dogs what it is to be a real man! You're a hero! If it weren't for your superior fightin' skills we'd all be in the belly of any number of wicked creatures!" one of the pirates said. "Ain't that right, lads?"

"AYE!"

"Now kiss her!"

Baralai dipped the Mayor and planted one right on her lips.

"Aye!" The pirates cheered.

* * *

"Aye. 'Scuse me, Praetor," one of the buccaneers shook him out of his daydream. He blushed hard, as though his private thoughts were visible to everyone. "Sorry t' bug you, but the Captain requests your presence on the bridge."

It was their second day at sea on the _St. Canard_, a small freight ship that Captain Peekay loaned to Fujin for some mysterious reason. (Actually, both women maintained that Captain Peekay was very fond of Fujin's boys, but Baralai didn't believe for second that a _pirate_ could be so sentimental.)

The atmosphere was surprisingly subdued on the ship, especially with the presence of a couple of women– alright, one of those women was _Fujin_, but still.

"You're all so, _restful_," Baralai commented for lack of a better word.

"Yar, Captain told us all t'behave or else," the buccaneer said as he led the Praetor to the pilot house.

"I appreciate how respectful you've all been towards the Mayor," he said.

"Gotta respect the Mayor. Or else."

"And me?"

"Captain didn't say. But the Gods be lookin' out fer _ye_, don't get much bigger than that. Sardine?" The man offered Baralai one from his pocket, but Baralai turned him down. So many things disagreed with his stomach.

Getting old sucked hard.

Vik wandered by, fishing pole in hand.

"Always said that it'd take an oblivious man t'take a likin' to the Captain," the buccaneer said quietly.

Baralai knew what he meant. Vik was an alright guy– upstanding and smart too, but also the most willfully ignorant man the Praetor ever met. How else could he explain a man who hated pirates "with the intensity of a thousand burning suns" courting and marrying one? Fujin ought to have left him at home, and Baralai told her so. She gave him a look that could peel _paint_.

"Love is weird," Baralai said.

_Damn you Love,_ he thought– he couldn't help himself, _Damn you to Hell!_

"Ye know what else is weird?" the buccaneer asked. "Did ye see what the Mayor pulled outta the ocean this morning? Good eatin' but ye couldna paid me to eat when I first saw it."

A cry from the one of the crew saved Baralai from a graphic description of their breakfast. The crew leapt into action, prepared their weapons and cleared away their valuables. He ran to the pilot house.

"Drifting ship," the quartermaster said before he had a chance to ask. "Good thing you're here– could be haunted! And that's your department, isn't it?" The quartermaster glowered at him.

"_No_," Baralai said with as much disdain as he could, even if it made him sound like an immature, insufferable prick, because sometimes one had to lower oneself in order to be understood. Let the man work out his hangups with some long-suffering priest– _he_ could beat people to death with his fists, he didn't have to take this.

The ship slowly inched towards the drifting ship.

"Well, Praetor," the quartermaster drawled after a lengthy wait to see if anyone from the other ship would make their presence known, "Would you care to have a look? Do a little dance or somethin' for the–" Fujin got up to put the mouthy quartermaster in his place.

"I think I will have a look," Baralai said. The man did have a point– the term "ghost ship" could be literal out on the open water.

As soon as the crew slid a plank between the two ships Baralai picked up his weapon, the double razor ring rod, or whatever the hell it was. He called his "Slash." That used to make him laugh.

His footsteps echoed on the silent deck of the ship. He headed for the pilot house first.

"Hey, you can't do this alone," Myrna followed him, "It's not safe." Baralai wished just _one_ of those pirates had the decency to stop her. At least she knew enough to be as stealthy as possible.

Not a soul could be found on the deck or in the pilot house, they discovered, so they headed down for the cargo hold.

"Holy Macaroni," Myrna exclaimed when she saw it.

"A dragon's hoard," Baralai said. The hold was filled from end to end, knee deep in gold coins and jewelry. Some idiot pirates went and raided a dragon's den!

"We're not going to find anyone," Baralai told her, "this ship is cursed. I'm going to tell Fujin to sink it."

"What is that?" Myrna took a step back. "There. By the ladder."

Baralai saw something move in the shadows, and saw the glint of an eye.

_Could these poor souls have had a pet? Or perhaps..._ He frowned.

"Come out of there," he said quietly. The eyes glinted again– large gold rings that shined from the reflected light.

_Unbelievable,_ he thought. He reached in and grabbed the little creature, no bigger than a house cat, and held it up in the light.

"Hey, shh! It's okay," he said to the thrashing, squealing dragon. "There's no call for that. It's alright," he used his friendliest, non-threatening voice. It's lizard body was a striking shade of purple– flushed from stress; the gold wings flapped uselessly.

"Myrna, you want to give me something to feed him?" Baralai said over his shoulder.

"Ugh, we're not keeping reptile, Baralai– that's just unsanitary," she said.

"He's just a baby, Myrna. Dragons aren't animals, they're _people_. Once the little guy calms down he'll be sweet as a lamb. See, isn't that right?" he cooed at the dragon.

The little dragon sank his fangs into the skin on Baralai's arm. The bite itself didn't hurt much more than a scratch.

_Maybe his fangs didn't puncture the skin,_ Baralai hoped.

Alas, his body felt all kinds of prickly as the venom began its work.

"Here," he handed the dragon to the Mayor. She took it with some misgivings, but it stopped trying to attack when it saw the chunk of fruitcake in her hand. The little dragon wolfed down the little bit of food and tried to burrow into the front of her dress.

"Hey! Cut that out! Baralai, help?"

"Please take me to the nearest hospital for treatment."

"But, Baralai–"

The world went StRaNgE...

* * *

_To Be Continued _

AN: I admit that I ripped off the bit about the prosthetic leg from Jon Stewart. He's always saying that New York City smells like urine and it's insane! He told that story one night. I'm not sure if it was a joke... :P


	7. 06 Stars and Boulevards

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix etc, etc...

Stars and Boulevards is by and copyright Augustana, from their You'll Disappear album.

* * *

**Stars and Boulevards**

"So what's a bird like you doing with a cat like Fry?" Edward lounged across the desk. "Why did you pick him over the strapping lad with the stars in his eyes?"

"I'm being held prisoner," she said again. "Please, sir, could you help me out? Help me out of here, I'll give you anything."

"I don't know if I should get involved," Edward said. He got up and flopped down onto the couch. "You didn't answer my question: why Fry? Do you really have feelings for him?"

Kairi pulled at her handcuffs nervously.

"I didn't _pick _anybody," she said.

A strange look came over him.

"Fry is my friend, if you play your cutesy little games with his heart I'll make sure you live to regret it. Understand?"

Kairi flushed.

"You jerk! You, you stupid, stupid jerk! I'm not interested in your freak friend and he's not interested– not like that! Do _you_ understand? _So screw you!_"

He laughed. His voice soothed her, and his laughter was friendly. The change happened instantaneously, and that frightened her.

"You _are_ cute," he said. "I can see why Fry wanted to keep you close, instead of in the guest quarters with... the rest of us…" He leapt to his feet. "Oh no! I left everyone behind! Yikes, what have I done? Stupid me! Stupid, stupid!" He held his head in his hands and muttered.

"Are you okay?" she asked. What if this loony snapped? She wished Frega would hurry up and return.

"We were going to escape!"

"You were? Of course you were..."

_Where are you, Frega?_ She looked for sharp instruments to defend herself.

"Yeah," he sank down onto the couch. "Yeah… I thought I'd come and say goodbye to Fry! What the hell was I thinking?"

"We could escape right now," Kairi offered. She could get this guy to help her get free and then ditch him...

_Aw, I can't do that to somebody,_ Kairi thought. The man was so pathetic.

"You're right," he brightened. "Of course. I... went to _find_ you. Yes! I went to find you to help you get away."

"Good job, Edward! Now help me find the keys," she pulled open another drawer.

"Here you go," he held up a tiny key ring.

_This guy might not be so bad after all,_ Kairi decided.

She thanked him as he unlocked her.

"Do you know the way back to the guest quarters?" she asked.

He scratched at the stubble on his chin.

_Scritch-scratch. Scritch-scratch._

She grew impatient.

"Never mind, we'll just go with our gut," she didn't want to wait around too long.

"Wait!" he said. She nearly tumbled over she stopped so fast. "You should have a _disguise_!"

He opened the closet and pulled out a long blue jacket, cut for a short person and covered with pockets. It smelled like patchouli and something indefinable; someone buried it in incense in order to cover up another smell. He draped the jacket over her shoulders, pulled a large pointy hat out of the closet and dropped that on her head.

"Great. I don't see how this is supposed to help me _not_ stand out, but great," Kairi said.

"But look," Edward opened the closet door all the way so she could see herself in the full-length mirror behind the door.

"My face," Kairi reached up to touch her nose. The whole area where her face should've been visible there was a dark impenetrable shadow and a pair of glowing eyes. She took the hat off– normal Kairi. She put the hat back on– black mage Kairi.

"Neat!"

"People will think you're Fry," Edward said.

"He walks around looking like this?"

"Sometimes. He's a nostalgic kinda guy. Here's the gloves, and now the boots."

Kairi modeled the outfit for Edward.

"Try to mince a little less, and don't stick your hip out like that," Edward advised.

Kairi held her arms out from her body and stalked around.

"It'll do. After you, pussycat," he opened the door. "Fry always goes first, since he's in charge."

They proceeded down the deathly quiet hallway to the elevator.

They took the elevator to the lowest level, presumably the lobby or the lab (whatever the scripty "L" on the button stood for) because surely they could find a directory or a map. Perhaps they could even walk out the front door.

She bravely stalked out of the elevator once the doors parted.

The lobby looked like it was tiled with rose marble and much larger than any lobby should be. The costs for getting this material all the way out to the island would make her mother weep. Potted plants added wild splashes of color, exotic varieties she recognized from the island, and more that she didn't recognize, they looked too strange to be real.

A woman and a Kill-Bot stood at the desk nestled in the artificial jungle. The KillBot held the woman in an embrace. Kairi and Edward hid from them.

"_what... is... this..."love"... you... speak... of..."_ it asked the woman.

"It's a human emotion, awful and wonderful," the woman murmured.

"Maybe we should look somewhere else," Kairi whispered to Edward.

"_does not compute..." _the KillBot said. "_Let us explore the other human tradition. Let's "bunny-custom"..._"

"You claim you don't know Love, but you're all about "bunny-custom?" You men! You're all alike!" the woman shook off the KillBot and stalked away. The Kill-Bot followed her and called out pathetic consolations.

Edward went through the receptionists desk, looking for useful items. Kairi didn't think paperclips and pens would help them. She took the moment see if she could open the front door. Where did it lead? Would there be guards?

But there was no front door. She couldn't find it.

"Jackpot!" Edward called. "I knew the receptionist would get a little something in case of trouble." He held open a secret compartment he found at the bottom of the top drawer. She expected to see some weapon, a gun most likely. Edward picked up the only two items in the drawer: a shiny gold hourglass and a rock.

"A _rock?_" Kairi arched an eyebrow.

"It's a warp stone. _Magic_. This company knows how to treat its employees."

"Talk about overkill." More extravagance. The way the hourglass shimmered Kairi judged that it had to be magic too.

They found the directory for the building in the last drawer; guest quarters were on level five.

* * *

"We're lucky we haven't run into any KillBots. I heard one of them developed a love for killing," Edward said fearfully. Kairi shrugged, she'd have to worry about it when the time came.

The elevator doors opened on the fifth floor. They stopped at the first set of double doors in wonder, for it appeared to be a completely unguarded set of glass doors. The jungle of Destiny was a mere two feet away. The glass double doors opened easily at her touch.

"The map didn't have an exit marked here," Kairi said stepping out to the edge of the concrete porch.

"Sunlight! How I've missed it!" Edward said. Kairi took off her hat and they stood there for a moment to soak up the warm rays. All around them vibrant green plants and trees flowered and birds twittered to each other.

"How did all this get built without anyone knowing about it?" Kairi asked Edward. He shrugged. They should be looking for Wakka and the others, but she didn't want to leave this place yet. This place felt weird to her.

She spotted a trail and decided to follow it just a little.

"Kairi, I don't know this is such a good idea," Edward whispered. "There might be something dangerous out here."

"There are no dangerous animals on Destiny Island. Besides, it that was so," she smiled impishly, "they would've locked it, wouldn't they?"

"Stop being cute."

"I'm not being cute."

"Not on purpose. _Disgusting,_" he teased. She punched him playfully in the arm.

The trail was wide enough for someone her size to pass through without brushing the branches of the overhanging trees. That feeling that something wasn't right came on stronger, and that made her a little anxious.

_Why?__What am I seeing that's giving me the heebie jeebies?_

The trees were ordinary trees, just like the trees that you could find anywhere. The flowers were the same too. She bent down and picked up a handful of dust. She let the dust fall through her fingers.

"Feels real enough," she said without knowing why. _What an odd thing to say,_ she thought.

Further up the path the trees opened up to the sky. The sky was clear, and the wind gently moved a couple of puffy clouds through the upper atmosphere. She sprinted for the end of the path.

Kairi kept up the pace, but she paused when she came to the large stone sculpture by the side of the path, a spike of dark-colored rock that jutted out of the ground. A perfectly circular indentation had been carved into its front long ago. Dark blue ribbons twined around it and several weeks worth of flowers lay in the indentation.

"What is that?" Edward asked her.

"It's a mother stone. Mom and some of the other islanders say that it's the home of an earth spirit. They leave flowers for it," she said, and felt a little embarrassed for her mother's backward ways.

"I'm... Home…" she said. "But I'm... not."

"_You guys live here_?" Edward shrieked. He leapt on top of the mother stone and looked around excitedly. "This place is a _paradise_," he said, "Zeph, you lucky dog!"

"Zeph?" Kairi looked up. "You know my father too?"

"He's my best friend," Edward said. Kairi just stared at him. Dad never mentioned a guy named Ed, Eddie, or Edward... She decided to let it go, there was something more important that needed to be addressed.

"Something stinks!" she declared.

She ran down the path with Edward at her heels. They reached the end of the forest.

"The town would be just over this hill," she told him. Kairi came to a screeching halt at the edge of the forest.

Three huge metal towers could be seen over the hill, Kairi had never seen any building so large in her life. Their perfectly smooth, metal surfaces glinted in the sunlight, they might've been gorgeous in a cityscape, but the natural beauty of Destiny made them look monstrous. A circular bridge connected them roughly two thirds of the way to the top, arcing out so that altogether the sections resembled a giant ring.

She yelled and ran for the top of the hill.

What had they done to her town? Mom wouldn't have allowed this– what happened to Mom? She looked out over the area where her town used to be. Nothing of the old town remained, and even the coastline hadn't been spared the renovation. Instead of the town she remembered she saw acres of half-completed buildings and an enormous eyesore of a platform beneath it all.

She could've cried if she wasn't so angry. A couple of tears worked their way out of the corners of her eyes.

"My house," she cried weakly. Edward put a consoling arm around her shoulders.

"What are you getting so excited about?" Frega surprised them. He marched up the hill. Scorch marks marred his pristine suit and his hair looked singed but he still managed to look proud. "It's just a model," he said.

"A model?" Kairi wiped her face with the sleeves of the jacket.

"Eddie," Frega's lip curled, "Did you have to give her _my_ things? Now I'm going to have to the whole outfit dry-cleaned again."

"Sorry, Fry."

"Looking for your friends, little one?" Frega said with no irony. "They're long gone you know. They didn't even bother to look for you."

"That's ridiculous," she said defiantly. "You know nothing about my friends. Why are you so mean?" He ignored her.

"As for this," he waved towards the towers, "it's the launch device we've sold to Zanarkand. Lunarian's own design, the cutting edge of technology." He stood beside Kairi and favored the monstrosity with an almost fearful look. "I don't know _why_ my superiors are insisting that your town has to be the place to build it." The way he said it made it sound like he wanted her to know it was a lie.

"All part of the building process. We create a false environment for the preliminary building stages of the launch station in order to minimize lost time and materials due to weather and theft. The landscape is perfectly recreated to reveal potential setbacks that geography, topography and whatever else inevitably happens. Watch this.

"Set model to scale: 1 to .001," Frega called out.

Kairi grabbed Edward when the environment went translucent. Everything rushed past them, and the wind kicked up by their passing ruffled their hair. The forest flew by, the ghostly trees whipped past her as the entire island shrank down to a point. When the process ended a few seconds later there was a tiny sphere the size of a tennis ball hanging above Frega's outstretched hand.

"Easy packing, easy transport, but not so easy to install. That part is more _involved_," Frega held the sphere out to her. Her curiosity drove her forward, in spite of her germinating dislike of the little creature.

A perfect miniature Destiny Island floated within the dark sphere, a tiny world in a starless night.

"And now, little one," Frega tossed the sphere out into the empty room, a bright light flashed, and the model expanded again. "Take off my clothes before you foul them up any more!"

Kairi stripped off the gloves and dropped them at her feet insolently. She reached into the coat pocket and her fingers touched something she'd forgotten about: the warp stone. She snatched Edward's hand and thought with all her might.

_Get me outta here!_

She wasn't sure how the magic was supposed to work, but she hoped that it was something idiot proof.

When she saw Frega's face as she and Edward faded away she laughed. Edward screamed in terror. She tried to assure him that everything would be fine, but could barely form the words, they were already descending towards a bright light through the morass of swirling magic.

THUMP!

They hit the floor together, and Kairi thanked her lucky stars that Edward didn't land on her. The coward was still screaming his head off.

"Edward, it's okay!" she grabbed his shoulders and shook him. Edward fainted dead away.

"Oh, no. _No!_" she cried when she saw where they landed.

Frega flung open his office door, and growled at her.

"Don't you think that if something were to happen in the lobby, I'd want to be the first to know?" he asked.

* * *

The modest bridge sat four crewmen, with a captain's seat in the middle.

_Just like on Star Trek,_ Wakka thought.

Unlike _Star Trek_, the bridge was quite cramped. The ceiling hung too low and sloped towards the front where the pilot sat. They had no elevator, just a narrow service ladder. And as for the other two decks– the cabin had a small living area with a kitchen, a communal sleeping area, and the bathroom; The engine room had more space than the other two decks combined, but that space was full of engine.

"Anybody claustrophobic?" Chappu commented wryly.

"Nope," Lilo said. She plopped herself down in the nearest seat with Stitch. Zidane assumed his seat at the front. The brothers eyed the Captain's seat and then each other. Chappu made up his mind about something.

"What the heck," he said, "have a seat, brother. I don't mind."

"Of course not," Wakka agreed. Why didn't he agree to this right away? This was almost _fun_.

"Buckle up, crew," Zidane said. "I'm taking her out!"

"Does anyone else not have a seat belt?" Lilo asked.

"I don't," Chappu said.

"We won't worry about that for now," Zidane said, "Just hold onto something."

"Say it, Wakka," Chappu prompted.

"I don't know what you're–"

"Come _on_, you know you want to!"

Wakka looked ducked his head and muttered very quietly: "Engage."

"What?" Zidane asked.

"Just go," Wakka said, he felt like a colossal nerd.

"Okay," Zidane sighed. "Annnndd we're off."

The crew felt a slight shift in the center of gravity as the Altoona's systems went online. The large view screen above their heads flickered on and they saw the ceiling of the ship graveyard pass very slowly.

Wakka expected some kind of resistance to their taking of the ship, or the trigger of an alarm once they reached the doors. Surprisingly, nothing happened, other than the bay doors opening and the ship entering the largest airlock he'd ever seen.

"Sure is dark in here," Chappu said.

"Chappu," Zidane spoke up hesitantly. "I'm not picking up any nearby planets on the navigation. Could you confirm this with the secondary systems?"

"Sure," Chappu said. Chappu tapped at the terminal for a few seconds, scratched his head and tapped at it some more. Minutes passed.

"Well?" Zidane asked.

"Give me a minute," Chappu said.

"I don't think we should hover here," Wakka said. "It might look suspicious. Can't you just pick a direction and… go really, really slow?"

"Well, you're the Captain," Zidane said.

"He's _not_ the Captain," Chappu snapped.

More time passed as they cruised into the unknown.

"We should've hit the wall or something," Wakka said.

"He's right, and there's something wrong with these readings," Zidane said. "Chappu, are you finished yet?"

"In a _minute_."

"What's the problem? You said–"

A terrific crash cut the conversation short. The ship shuddered violently, and everyone on board was thrown out of their seats. Alarms clanged and the lights shut down to conserve power. Poor Zidane had an airbag go off in his face, it sprayed powder into the air.

The ship stopped shaking and the powder in the air slowly settled to the floor.

"_Zidane? Zidane!_ What are you trying do, _kill me_?" A moogle climbed into the bridge and flapped at the cloud of dust that settled around him.

Wakka stumbled to his feet and went to attend to Lilo, who tried very hard to be impassive. She would have a terrible bruise on her arm and her forehead, but at least she didn't have any broken bones.

"You're very lucky," he said.

"Yeah, right," she groaned.

"Stitch, how are you?" Stitch made the okay sign, but he rubbed his head.

The rest of the group staggered to it's feet with no serious injury.

"That's Mog," Zidane (who looked like a ghost, covered head to foot in powder) said to Wakka. He nodded to the moogle working the navigation computer as he lectured Chappu.

"You've got to understand, computers are really, really stupid," Mog said.

"I know."

"Abstractions are useless to systems this old. I know, you're thinking they should've used a modern operating system on a modern ship– but who knows what they were…" he trailed off as a new set of readings scrolled down the screen.

"What's wrong," Wakka asked him. Mog held up his hand without taking his eyes off the screen. Numbers and terms flew by so quickly that Wakka missed half of them, and he prided himself on being a quick reader. The screen went blank.

"Guys," Mog turned around to address them. "I'm going to do something a little crazy…"

* * *

Mog threw back the top hatch of the ship and climbed onto the deck.

"Come on up, everyone," he called back down the ladder where everyone huddled together.

One by one they climbed out onto the deck.

The nose of the Altoona was undamaged but firmly embedded in what looked like a neon-colored plaster wall. There were hundreds of them floating over nothing and aligned in a path that stretched away into the distance.

"Where's the station?" Zidane looked around in all directions.

Lilo tiptoed to the edge of the deck and threw a coin over the side. Wakka leaned over and they both watched it disappear into the dark. Vertigo hit him.

"Okay, let's just stay away from the edge," he grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to the center of the narrow deck.

"Physics, schmysics," Chappu whispered.

"Uh-huh," Wakka said. Could this entire scenario be a hallucination, he wondered, or a hologram?

"According to the navigation system, we fell out of the universe," Mog said.

"You can do that?" Chappu asked.

"Sure, happens all the time."

"I was wondering why no one was chasing us," Zidane said.

"I'm glad everyone's taking this so well," Mog said, "Well, now that you're all paying attention, I have something else to show you. It's worse than it seems."

He herded them into the engine room, giving them a rundown of the situation as they went along.

"There are no weapons; the engine's new, but nearly dry, no fuel; we've got _no_ replacement components, and no tools but what I brought; and then I found this!"

He led them to a very odd looking space, the only area that wasn't crammed with some engine component. They walked onto a platform that contained a thick circular track and within the track, three perfect equilateral triangles hovered in midair.

"'I am the Wish-Fulfillment Drive,'" Lilo read the plaque at the edge of the platform. "'I'm an engineering marvel, a true blend of magic and z-space technology. You have only to touch me with a wish in your heart. Take care that your wish is clear, you only get three.'"

"Why only three?" Chappu asked.

"It's impossible to get more– according to z-space physics," Mog explained.

"Like a magic lamp," Lilo said. Wakka thought the same thing.

"Okay, sounds reasonable, considering everything else," Wakka brushed off his disbelief. "I just wish to go home and we go there?"

"Exactly," Zidane said with a sigh of relief. "So make a wish, Captain." Chappu and Wakka both reached for the Wish-Fulfillment drive.

"Wait!" Mog blocked their way. "You didn't let me finish explaining." They ignored him.

"What are you doing?" Chappu said. "_I'm_ the Captain!"

"But _I'm_ the oldest!" Wakka said.

"_But I got us out!_ Clearly I'm the smartest and I should be the Captain!"

Wakka glared down at his brother. Chappu glared right back.

"Hey guys, why don't we just vote?" Zidane said.

"Yeah," Chappu said. "Nice and democratic. All in favor of Wakka– a guy with no useful skills in this area–"

"Hey! I'm captain of the blitzball team _and_ student body president. I'm a natural leader."

"–and an all-round egomaniac being our Captain, raise your hands."

Zidane raised his hand.

"Those sound like good enough qualifications for a powerless figurehead to me," he said.

"Wha? You traitor!" Chappu said.

"I don't know, Chappu," Zidane said with smirk. "You're _not bad_. But Wakka's better."

Lilo and Stitch raised their hands.

"Figures," Chappu huffed, "Should their vote even count?"

"Hey, we're valuable, contributing members of your crew," Lilo said. Stitch agreed.

"It doesn't matter, kid," Mog said, "I'm voting for Ginger too."

"Tch! Buncha ingrates!" Chappu muttered. "Okay, so you're the Captain. _For now_."

"Good. Now that we've settled that, here it goes," Wakka nervously put his fingers out toward the nearest triangle.

"Stop that!" Mog said. "You should let me finish! What I was going to say was that given the experimental nature of this ship and with all those vital parts missing, we shouldn't discount the possiblility that it's this _thing_ that's caused the alteration to our course!"

"Which we should be able to fix by wishing," Zidane pointed out. "Come on, Mog. You and I both know that Wish Fulfiilment Drives are a proven technology. They've got all kinds of fail-safes. What's the big deal?"

"We should hurry," Chappu said. "There's no telling what they'll do to Kairi when they realize what we've done!"

"What _you've_ done!" Wakka corrected.

"I want to shut it down!" Mog shouted to get their attention again. "Before we end up in worse shape than we are now."

"Then how will we get home?" Wakka asked.

"He's right, this is the better risk," Zidane said.

"Just let me _inspect_ it," Mog argued. But Wakka had enough of arguing. He reached out and lay his fingers on the nearest of the triangles. It stopped rotating at his touch, flashed once and turned a dazzling gold color. "I wish for us to go home– to Destiny Island!" he added hurriedly. He crammed his mind full of images of Destiny Island: the Cove, his parents, Tidus and Selphie…

The ship started to tremble again.

"Is this a g-g-good thing?" Lilo called over the rattle of the machinery. The ship shook so violently that everyone could see multiples of everyone else.

"Zidane," Mog said to his friend, "I just want you to know, I've always considered you a good friend."

"Goodbye to you too, pal!"

"Please remove all limbs and articles of clothing from the Wish-Fulfillment Drive Field," the ship's computer ordered. A klaxon went off somewhere above them. Wakka did as ordered, lost his footing and stumbled backwards out of the ring as it started to move. "Lunarian Concern would like to thank you for choosing our products and wishes you all the best in future purchases of our high-quality technology. Lunarian Concern: We just want to be your friends!"

The concentric rings in the dais spun at their different speeds as the lights flickered violently.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Zidane yelled.

The lights went out.

* * *

_To Be Continued _


	8. 07 Kissing A Fool

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

Kissing A Fool is by and copyright George Michael, from his Faith album. I honestly thought it was some kind of standard– like Mack the Knife or something. shrug

Michael Bublé does a pretty good cover.

* * *

**Kissing A Fool**

"Where am I?" Baralai asked.

"Portico City Memorial Hospital," the doctor told him.

Baralai opened his eyes. He sat up in the bed and realized that he was wearing a hospital gown.

"Where are my clothes?"

Myrna walked into the room carrying a paper bag. Baralai modestly pulled the sheets up to his neck.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm a little confused," he looked around the hospital room.

"Yeah, no wonder! But we fixed you," the Doctor said. "I have to go, Myrna."

"Thank you so much for everything, Greg," Myrna took the doctor's hand. The doctor got much closer than decency allowed.

"And if you ever change your mind…" Doctor Greg said in a husky voice.

"Oh stop!" Myrna playfully slapped his hand away. They both laughed and the doctor left the room.

"Myrna– _what the hell?_" Baralai said.

"It's a long story," she said, her smile vanished and she dumped the contents of her paper bag all over the bed.

His uniform had seen better days.

"Sweetheart, you're blushing!" she said ruefully. "Don't worry about anything except getting better, okay? Do you remember anything at all?"

An impression of colors and smells faded in and out in his memory. He shook his head.

"Doctor Greg gave you a clean bill of health," Myrna continued. "I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself." She grimaced and put a hand on her lower back. "Me, I could use a new back."

There was a low squeak, and the baby dragon poked his head out of the pile of clothes on the bed and flicked his tongue at the Praetor.

Baralai startled.

"Aww," Myrna picked up the dragon and cuddled it. "Were you playing dress up? Hmm? Were you?" she cooed. The little dragon squeaked and butted his head against her chin affectionately.

"I thought you thought reptiles were disgusting," Baralai warily regarded the little creature.

"Don't be silly, he's _sweet_. We agreed to a truce during your episode, didn't we?" The dragon nodded.

"_Kiii_," it squeaked.

"He has something for you," she set him on the bed. The dragon dove into the pile of clothes and came up with a card in its mouth. It shyly presented it to Baralai.

"'I'm sorry I bit you, let's be friends,'" Baralai read the card. There was a picture of those wind-up teeth with feet on the front. He couldn't believe that there was card printed for this kind of thing.

"Such a good child. He can be our _baby_," she scratched the dragon's belly.

"_Kiii!_" the little dragon squeaked happily.

"Don't confuse him," Baralai objected, "He has to go back to his own kind. We have to leave him at the Dragoon's temple."

"Shh! You're scaring him. Don't worry, nobody's going to leave you anywhere." She hugged the dragon to her chest and made kissing noises.

"I'll get dressed," Baralai sighed, deciding to drop the subject. The first order of business would be to get away from that leering _Doctor Greg_.

"Good, we can head to our room at the inn, just in time for dinner. You've been out of it for three days, you know"

"_Three days? _Really?"

"Before you even ask: Fujin had to leave without us– but that's okay," she said quickly. She took a bit of accordioned paper out of her pocket. "We're taking the train. Much faster. We'll leave tomorrow and get to Zanarkand before she does!"

He looked at her smug smile and at his wrinkled clothes and then at the tiny dragon arranging his shirt into a nest.

"Hurry up and get dressed," she waggled her finger at him. "I've got a surprise for you at the inn."

She picked up the dragon and left the room.

He put his feet on the cold floor and took a shaky step. Other than his ravening hunger he felt pretty good, and he was even relieved that Myrna had gone ahead and arranged the rest of the trip by train.

_I should've given her more credit,_ he thought. Sometimes she could be practical.

* * *

They left the hospital together, with the dragon tucked safely in the folds of Myrna's blouse.

Portico City stood on an islet of rock that curled out from the main continent of Gibraltar. The ancient stone city enjoyed warm weather all year round, with a peculiar rise in humidity during the autumn and spring months. Children played in the opulent fountains that decorated the open public areas. Baralai carried his surcoat over one arm, he couldn't have worn it anyway, someone had pulled on the decorative strip of cloth on the back and ripped it off again.

"Confetti?" Baralai asked as he kicked through another pile of the stuff. Confetti and ribbons lay everywhere. A memory of loud music and color flickered through his head, followed by an image that made his gut clench– a wash of red liquid. "Strawberry Daiquiri," he said and his stomach lurched.

_What did she do to me? _He wondered, the Mayor's face was the picture of harmless innocence.

"Carnival. It ended last night," she said.

She led him through the City to the business section, a place of sedate shops and sober-faced merchants who swept the detritus from their storefronts. They walked all the way to a sturdy two-story building– a mid-priced inn called the Hotel Horchata.

"What should we name our new baby?" Myrna said, catching him off guard.

"Huh? _What?_"

"I've got it narrowed down to two choices that _I_ like, but he doesn't like them, does he?" she said to her chest. The innkeeper looked at them strangely.

"He probably already has a name," Baralai pointed out. "The Temple might have a record of his parents in its files."

"Just a temporary one, then," she said. "I can't keep calling him "the dragon." What do you think? Does he look like a "Cuthbert" to you?"

"Kii?" the dragon peeked out of the neck of her blouse and gave him a look that said: Please don't let this woman name me Hubert, or Cuthbert, or Algonquin, or any kind of name like _that_. My name is something like Strago, or Smaug, or even Bruce– _yeah,_ Bruce is nice...

And then he realized he was speaking out loud to himself.

"Ahem," he straightened his shirt nervously. "I like Goliath," Baralai said.

"What kind of name is that?"

"It's mystical. It's the name of a famous giant," he said to the dragon.

"Kii!" the dragon, Goliath, puffed out his chest and tried to spread his wings to make himself look bigger.

"That's it," Myrna said with a triumphant smile, "You named him, now you have to keep him."

She opened the door to their room and he noted that someone was singing in the shower, a man judging by the voice.

"This is the cut scene that never endssss… 

_Yes it goes on and on my friends._

_Somebody started playing it not knowing what it was,_

_And now we have to stay up late, simply just because…"_

"Wrong room?" he asked.

"No, that's our new companion."

"You've been alone for three days with some _stranger?_"

"I didn't have much choice," she said. "The pirates got out of control when they saw all that gold and all Fujin could do for us was drop us off at the harbor. They didn't even want to stick around to get their rowboat back– lousy pirates. I was on my own. I had to 'negotiate' with some dock workers to get some help getting you up on the docks and then I lost track of you. _Whew!_ I don't think I took one breath during all of that, I must've been saving it up."

He nodded guiltily, if he had been more careful she wouldn't have had to go through any of this.

"I was all alone, and you were off gods knew where. I went to the nearest seedy pub for information, and that's where I met him, sitting in a corner, glowering at everyone and looking mysterious. I thought: young guy, looks dangerous, smoldering intensity, dark clothes– he must be one of them _rangers_!

That settled it– a ranger, my kind of people! I _knew _he was the one to help us."

"That doesn't sound so bad," Baralai said. Rangers were very honorable people.

"I approached him with the usual offer and he accepted."

"What's the usual offer?"

"Don't look at me like that! You think I hang over every man I meet whenever I need something? The only way that grabby Doctor would even admit you the day I found you–"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he apologized quickly.

"You should be! When I say "the usual offer" I mean the usual offer: three meals a day, an equal share in profits, support in his endeavors– as long as they aren't opposed to our aims or morals. And he's been nothing but professional!"

"I don't think we'll need any help, I'm fine now. I'll be more careful."

"Don't take this so personally," she said, "You can't pull the burden of this trip entirely on yourself."

"You should've consulted me," he said.

The shower shut off.

"It's me," Myrna called through the bathroom door. "He's a little jumpy," she explained. "Oh," she looked guilty, "and there's one other thing."

Before she could explain, a rangy-looking man plodded out the bathroom wearing only the inn's threadbare towel and a mask.

_A mask_, Baralai smirked. _Who wears a mask in the shower?_ Funny, this guy didn't look like a ranger, more like a... _oh no!_

The sullen look on the stranger's face (as much as he could see of it) put Baralai in mind of a grouchy old woman who used to sweep at the Temple of St. Kain in Mysidia who used to try and shake him down for his lunch money when he was a novice.

"Baralai, this is Shadow," Myrna introduced him.

"Shadow?"

_What the hell kinda name is that?_

"Hello, _Shadow_," Baralai said. Shadow only nodded impatiently.

"Mayor, have you fixed my pants yet?" Shadow asked.

"Of course." She handed him a pair of black trousers that were hanging from the back of the chair. He inspected some spot on them, Baralai couldn't see what he was looking at in all that black. Shadow fixed him with his eerie stare.

"I'll never forget this," he said with all seriousness.

_Well, hello to you too, you prick!_ Baralai thought. He kept his usual composure and said nothing.

"Ah ha ha," Myrna laughed, embarrassed for the man's lack of basic manners, "You led us both on a long chase through the city. It wasn't easy on any of us." She took his surcoat and examined the back. "I can fix this and wash your clothes tonight." She sighed. "We only just found the rest of your uniform this morning. You traded it away to some girls in exchange for some beads, oh, and these." She pulled a pair of rose-colored glasses from her bag.

He took the glasses.

"I ran around the city _in my underwear?_" he said faintly.

"No, of course not. You picked up a– _ahem_, lovely pair of shorts somewhere. Bright yellow. Really pulled the look together. I've never seen you so happy– I have pictures."

"How much?" he asked.

"We'll talk about that later," she smiled wickedly.

Shadow retreated back into the bathroom without another word. Goliath growled.

"I can't believe you hired a _ninja_," Baralai hissed.

"Give him a chance," Myrna said. "He's been a lot of help. If you can't trust a ninja, whom can you trust?"

Baralai's mouth worked while his brain tried to wrap itself around the stupidity of this statement.

"You can't be serious!" he said loudly, not caring if Shadow heard him or not.

"Kii," Goliath squeaked. The little dragon agreed with him.

"Okay, so he's not the friendliest person, but at least he's quiet, I can appreciate that," Myrna said.

"Myrna," Baralai said in his most authoritative voice. "He's got to _go._"

Myrna smiled.

"We'll see."

* * *

Kairi carefully tied off the last knot to the necklace she made for Edward.

He wasn't a bad guy. A coward, to be sure, but what was so bad about that? Most creatures' survival depends upon their superior fleeing abilities– there's nothing smart about fighting when you're clearly outmatched. In any case, he had a few qualities that made up for it.

For one thing, he knew _lots_ of incriminating stories about Dad.

"_Puh-lease!_ He was smoking at _twelve_, and I can tell you, it wasn't all tobacco, if you know what I mean." He flipped through the stacks of magazines Frega had given him, looking for another quiz to fill out or a perfume sample to open. "Yeah, he started up around the time we–"

"Eddie," Frega interrupted.

Ah, but that was the downside to their little slumber party in Frega's office, Frega himself. They looked up at the little elf who sat on his desk in the middle of a giant paperwork castle.

"What?" Edward said nervously.

"Please behave."

"Oh, all right," Edward wrinkled his nose and turned back to Kairi. "What do you think of this cologne?" He held the sampler from the magazine out for her to smell. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

Frega stalked around his office. Reports from the rest of the station continued to arrive via the interoffice tube in the corner.

A riotous party made decks ten through fourteen unapproachable. Hundreds of employees were hiding from the KillBots on deck eight and they were worried about running out of food, some were preemptively exploring cannibalism. The theater company was being forced to perform _The Pirates of Penzance_ over and over again and the Star-Lighter Lounge, the instation restaurant, was being held hostage by a couple of beer-swilling Kill-Bots and their android accomplices.

"Fry?" Edward said.

"_What_?" he stopped and sighed heavily. "What, Eddie?" he said in a calmer voice.

"You're too tense."

"Eddie, I've got a lot to deal with right now."

"But Fry–"

"Don't worry, Eddie. I have everything under control. Okay?" Frega smiled, though his right eyelid kept twitching.

Something large slammed against the office door, Kairi and Edward yelped.

"Don't worry about them," Frega sighed. "I reinforced my office with magical walls– finest to be had." A bloodcurdling scream erupted from the hallway.

"Aren't you going to help your employees?" Kairi asked as she and Edward held each other for comfort.

"Nope," Frega said. "Screw 'em."

"So when can we go home?" Edward said and he turned back to his magazines.

"Not _now_, Eddie," Frega sighed. "Just keep out of my way, both of you." He climbed onto his desk and arranged his reports.

Every now and then a new noise would frighten them (Kairi and Edward, Frega tuned out everything fairly well) but for the most part Edward managed to keep her busy with the magazine quizzes.

"How did _you_ ever get to be friends with my Dad?" Kairi asked Frega after a long afternoon.

"Fate," Frega said without looking up.

"Fry was a lot more fun," Edward explained, "Back in the day."

"Hey! My Mom says that all the time!"

"Myrna? She married Zeph, right?"

"Showing exceptionally poor judgement," Frega muttered. "As usual."

"What's your problem with my Dad?" Kairi demanded. "He's a wonderful man."

"Wonderful?" Frega snorted.

"He's good... and, and kind..."

"Good and kind?" Frega chuckled. "Good and kind, indeed. I'd heard he'd given up his dreams and grown bitter and that he hides from the world, living as a fugitive in some squatters town on an island in the middle of nowhere. The great genius, Unne, spends his days hiding in his little office translating ancient texts for less gifted archeologists and linguists, while making a little money on the side by practicing medicine without a license! _'Oh! It's hopeless, life sure isn't fair! Boo hoo! I think I'll hide out on this backwater island for the rest of my life!'"_

"Shut up!" Kairi stood up, and balled up her fists.

"What a waste! Did you know that he was going to travel the world and provide medical treatment to poor people in foreign countries– some humanitarian group or other. Well, did you?"

She shook her head.

"Ask why he changed his mind, next time you see him," Frega growled.

"Don't listen to a word he says," Edward tried to console her. He shot Frega an evil look. "Someone is _overcompensating_."

"Sure, Eddie."

"I've started a song that explains it all,"Edward said and picked up his harp.

"No! That's okay, you don't have to–" Kairi and Frega said at once.

Edward launched into an energetic riff of, of _something_, that could only be described as so god-awful it would literally make your eyes bleed. Perhaps it was the attempt to play a hard rock melody on a _harp_, or maybe Edward was still trying to get his coordination back after his twenty year coma.

"_Eddie!_ Stop, I don't want to hear this today," Frega interrupted.

"Oh no! I think– Oh no! I'm bleeding– _from my eyes!_" Kairi said, wiping the little trickle of blood away.

"It's a work in progress," Edward looked wounded. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Kairi apologized since she didn't find anymore blood leaking out of her eyes. _Creepy,_ she thought. "I don't know anything about music anyway, and I'm sure the finished product will be..."

"Genius," Frega supplied.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

Edward shrugged nonchalantly and grabbed an issue of TeenieMag magazine from the endtable by his head.

"Oooh, now here's a quiz we haven't done! Can I borrow another pen, Fry?" Frega ground his teeth and rolled his eyes, but he quietly handed Edward a pen. "Let's see… Perfect! "Are You A Good Friend?" We can do this quiz for Fry and Zeph!" Edward patted the space on the couch next to him and she sat down.

"Let's not and say we did," Frega snapped.

"Okay, I'll answer for Fry, and you can answer for your dad," Edward said.

"I'm remembering why I put you in guest quarters," Frega said, his ears flattened against his head.

Another capsule shot into the inbox on his desk. As usual, Frega opened it and looked at it, but instead of throwing the report onto the desk he frowned and silently read through it again. He swore prettily in elvish and leaped off the desk.

"You two stay out of trouble while I'm gone," he said over his shoulder. He slammed the door behind him. Kairi was on her feet and headed for the door the instant it closed.

"Locked," she kicked the door. She didn't expect anything else, but wouldn't it have been wild if he forgot to lock it?

"Hey," Edward was already into Frega's cabinets. He held up a large bottle of white wine. "I bet this stuff is _really_ killer, you want some?"

"I'm too young to drink." Edward grinned mischivieously.

"According to whom?" he uncorked the bottle and took a swig.

"Edward, we have to get out of here. Frega's gonna do something to my Dad– if he finds him. And something is going to happen to Destiny Island. I have to put a stop to this!"

"You could kill Fry," Edward suggested, taking another drink.

"Be serious, Edward," Kairi said.

"Really, what would you do if you did escape?" Edward asked. "Do you think anybody'd really believe the old "Aliens want to terra form our planet" story? Believe me, they'll lock you in a crazy house– I remember when I had _my_ shot."

"_You_ escaped?" Kairi looked askance at the scattered man.

"Sure. Anyway, my advice to you: stick close to your enemy. Wait until he finds his prey, and _then_ make your move. It beats wandering around with no clue where to look."

Kairi kept picking at the lock and the hinges, but this action was secondary in her mind.

_Terra form?_ she was thinking. _I thought they were building a launchpad. Why would terra forming be necessary on an inhabited planet anyway? Does Edward even know what that word means?_

"Come on Kairi," Edward prompted. "As your godfather, I give my permission. Drink with me! We can go to the Star-Lighter Lounge."

"Sure Edward, as soon as we get the door open," Kairi said.

"Oh, pshaw!" Edward said. He marched up to the door. "We just have to rearrange time a little, put things in the right perspective..." he muttered and shut his eyes in concentration.

_Poor guy,_ she thought. She wondered what he was like before he lost his mind.

To her astonishment, he turned the knob of the door and the door swung open.

"Huh. I guess it wasn't really locked," Edward said as he stepped through the door.

The Star-Lighter Lounge. The restaurant was a musty-smelling curiosity, it had an aura of lived in comfort, like a place that was once hip and new and now people held golden anniversary parties there. Behold the lime green carpet! Behold the orange-brown starbursts and formica surfaces!

Kairi looked around the empty– empty save for one man at the bar– restaurant in bewilderment. The restaurant couldn't even be on the same floor as Frega's office. The silence made her footsteps in the thick carpet seem loud.

"_How?"_ she asked Edward. "Magic?"

"How, what?" he asked her, and he looked around in surprise. He wandered off to the stage and inspected the piano.

"Problem sleeping?" Frega slurred. He drank directly from a bottle of Pinot Grigio and waved to her from the bar. "Come sit down," he ordered. "Bout time you showed up."

"Oh-kay," she said quietly.

She slowly made her way to the bar, not taking her eyes from him in case he suddenly turned violent. She had seen enough drunk pirates on the island to know better than to let her guard down. She sat down just out of arm's reach.

"Waitaminute. You're too… too young for all this booze!" he said. He knocked the empty bottles off the bar, they crashed into the bartender's area.

"Uhh, looks like you're having a bad time, I'll come back later!" Kairi backed away from the bar. He got up and blocked her exit.

"Don't go! Please? I'm _so lonely_," he whined. Kairi didn't make a move one way or the other, nor did she point out that she couldn't get away from him anyway (or could she?) He lowered his head and sniffed. She thought he was going to cry, but he surprised her by singing softly.

He looked so endearing– his drooping ears and his soft, sad little elf voice. She took a chance and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't used to be a bad guy," he said. "It's not _fair_!"

"Well if you don't want to be a bad guy," Kairi reasoned, "Then don't."

"Here, have a drink," he trotted to the bar and clumsily pulled a wine glass from the rack above the bar.

"My parents won't let me drink alcohol," she said taking the glass.

"That's their job," he said. "But you're about the right age for a little taste." He took another sip directly from the bottle. She tried the wine and couldn't help pulling a face. "It's an acquired taste," he said, "Now start acquiring! My treat!"

"Thanks." She put the glass down.

"I'd like to make a toast! C'mon, pick up your glass," he urged her. She did so reluctantly. "To Science!" he said and took another drink. Kairi did the same and pulled another face.

"Okay. Now we toast to… progress!" he said.

Another drink. Another face.

The evening passed in this manner, and for Kairi the world ceased to make sense. Her captor was now her bestest singing buddy, her problems were the furthest thing from her mind, and she was learning the layout of the bathroom quite intimately. Very little of what passed would stay with her, but she narrowed down her memories to three things: First, Edward was a very talented pianist; Second, Frega knew way too many country songs; and Third, she could drink a lot of wine. 

"… Dun dunn dunn dunnnn dun dun dunn!" Kairi and Frega hung onto each other and sang very badly while Edward played at the piano.

"You screwed up the words!" Frega howled.

"No, y_ew_ shcrewed up the words!" Kairi laughed back.

Edward sighed unhappily.

"Let's toast again!" Kairi shouted. She crawled onto the piano and held her glass out to be refilled. Frega took out his sixth bottle of Pinot Grigio (a new record!) and filled it.

"To… magic!" she stood up, drained her glass in one go and held it out for more. Edward sighed again– loudly.

"To heroes!" Frega cried.

"To talking barnyard animals!"

"To the _Light Warriors!_" Frega said.

Edward slammed down on the keys, producing a deafening minor chord.

"And this… next…" Kairi went on, obliviously, or she tried to. The room spun too badly for her to keep her balance. She rolled out onto the piano and blacked out.

* * *

Kairi had another dream.

"Once upon a time…"

"Mayor?" Kairi's dream voice sounded small and immature.

"What? You already have a problem with the way I'm reading it?" Mom said, not unkindly.

Her vision cleared, but barely. She sat in her mother's lap with the large storybook in her hands. The illustrations were too faint in the bright light to see, and it seemed as if someone was erasing them (a strange thing to think, she couldn't see anyone doing this, but this is what she thought.)

"Go on, please?" Little Kairi asked. She was eight, and she was recovering from a terrible case of influenza. Everybody got influenza when they moved to Destiny. The Mayor (she didn't call her Mom then) had been so nice, she took care of her and read to her all the time.

"That's not what it _says_," she complained.

"Are you sure?"

Kairi had trouble reading the odd words but she could puzzle out the meaning if she stared at the characters long enough. The way the meanings just filtered out of the alien text fascinated her.

"Then what _does_ it say?"

"The world lies shrouded in darkness... winds die... the seas rage... the earth decays. But the people believe–"

She heard the front door open. Mom shut the book quickly…

… and unsheathed the knife at her waist, her favorite, the Silver Dagger. She lunged at the man in the dark robe, upward, under his defenses and into his stomach.

The man looked down as she ripped the blade from his flesh.

"I've had worse," he said with a faint smile.

Kairi recognized _him_. Garm.

What was he doing? Why was Mom attacking him?

They weren't in a place she recognized. They stood in a damp alley full of refuse. She could see a fire escape ladder hanging from one of the buildings– too old and rusty to be safe to use.

Mom savagely stabbed the man again and again. Kairi had never seen anything so graphic before, especially for a dream.

Moving at an impressive speed, the man grabbed Mom's knife hand.

"Enough," he said. "Go home. I only want–" he didn't finish. There was a blur of movement over his head and then his entire body turned into a thick, red substance.

_Blood,_ Kairi thought. The stuff splattered everywhere as the mass that was his body fell to the ground. Mom backed away, repulsed. The stuff stained the front of her dress to a dark purple and her shoes were black with it.

"Thank you," she said, and she looked above her. A man swathed in black holding a shining sword nodded. He jumped to the ground and wandered out of Kairi's field of vision. "How is he?" Mom asked.

"He's alive," the man said. "Just a scratch." Mom didn't take her eyes off the dead mage. The raw flesh already slipped from the bones, showing stark white ribs and clean joints, as though the flesh had been boiled from them. She looked down at her clothes.

"I have to find a laundromat," she said.

"Pardon?" the man said.

"He can't know about this," Mom said to the man. "His annoying factor is about a five right now? Well it'll go up to a _twelve_, I can guarantee that! I'll have to break it to him later...

She looked up at the man.

"Until I say so, this never happened. Right?"

"As you wish," the man said with a shrug.

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	9. 08 Fall On Me

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

Fall On Me is by and copyright REM, from their Eponymous album.

* * *

**Fall On Me**

_St. Swithin's day if thou dost rainFor forty days it will remain  
St. Swithin's day if thou be fair  
For forty days 'twill rain nae mair.  
—St. Swithin's day rhyme __(AN: and has nothing to do with anything)_

The owner of the Café At The End Of The World realized that he was pretty much ripping off the concept from some guy, whose name escaped him most of the time. It wasn't _his_ fault that he built his ship stop café at the end of the world, or that the name sounded catchy.

What's a small business owner to do?

A St. Swithin's Day theme, that's what! Drape every surface in evergreen boughs; place strings of lights and candles on every shelf. Then install a special fireplace and keep it lit all hours of the day. The menu will always feature hot chocolate and fresh baked gingerbread.

"This place smells good," Lilo said when the children wandered into the Café on the evening of the disastrous wish. "I'm so _hungry._"

They all came to and found their ship parked in a very unscientific-looking _parking lot_ floating in a nebula.

No Earth in sight, just this ship stop in the middle of nowhere.

"Just a second gang," Chappu said. He wandered up to the bored-looking waitress. "Do you accept credit cards?" She shook her head.

"Gil?"

"Uh-uh."

"So what went wrong?" Zidane asked Wakka while their associate tried to shake down the waitress. "What _precisely_ did you wish for?"

"To go home," Wakka said for the fiftieth time. "Obviously the thing is broken– just like Mog said." He felt terrible. They were lost, _very_ lost, and they'd left Kairi at the mercy of those lunatics back at Isla Luminos.

"I guess so," Zidane said doubtfully. "But... Well, Lunarian _does_ make the best machines and their company has won the Starship Trends Magazine's Precision Award twelve years in a row!"

"Nobody's perfect all the time, and it was _experimental_ technology," Wakka said moodily. Too bad he couldn't order his slapdash "crew" to stop questioning him.

"What are we going to do now?" Lilo asked him.

"I don't know," he said quietly.

"Look kid," the waitress got impatient. "Are you gonna order, or do I have to ask you to leave?" Chappu grimaced.

"You have an ATM?" he asked. The waitress pointed to the machine in the corner. "Thanks, toots." She sneered at him. He told his brother, "I've got it covered. Have a seat everyone."

"What'll it be," the waitress huffed.

"Can we get some menus?" Wakka asked.

She slammed the menus on the counter.

"Excuse me, but…"

"_What?_"

"Where are we?"

"End of the World, kid," she rolled her eyes.

"Do you have any maps?" Wakka barely held onto his own temper.

"Gift shop," she huffed. "And your dog can't sit at the counter, _sweetie_," she snapped at Lilo.

"He's my seeing eye dog," Lilo argued.

"You're not blind."

"Perhaps..."

Wakka wandered into the gift shop area with Zidane. They found the rotating rack that offered a wide array of last year's maps. Wakka thought he saw Chappu sticking a crowbar into the ATM card slot, but when he checked again there was no crowbar in sight. His little brother waved and smiled innocently at him.

"Recognize any of this?" he peeped over Zidane's shoulder. The pilot shook his head.

"I've never even heard of these places, and a couple of these maps contradict each other." He pulled out every map and shoved them into his pockets.

"What are you _doing_?" Wakka asked, horrified.

"Getting us some maps," Zidane was confused. "What?"

"Are you going to pay for them?"

"Uh… sure."

"Okay then."

The bell above the front door jangled loudly. A loud, grizzled man trudged into the Café, smoking a cigarette.

"Put that out this instant!" the waitress screamed.

"No f–ing way! I'm a hardworking taxpayer and this is a damn _bar_," he shouted back.

"Hey, there are kids here!" Wakka shouted at the man.

"This is _not_ a bar!" the cook came out of the kitchen and joined the argument. The man seemed a little surprised.

"This isn't a bar?" he looked around at the decorations, at Lilo and Chappu (whistling innocently.) "Um... I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Well, it was a bar a week ago." He put his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe. "What the he– heck happened?"

"Marketing synergy," the cook replied. The man swore very quietly. The bell rang again and a couple walked in: a beautiful young woman with long wavy hair and a somber man with a scar on his face.

"Hey, what happened to the bar?" the young man asked. The woman brightened.

"This place smells wonderful!"

"Wow!" Zidane whispered, his eyes traveling all over the woman. "Homina-homina…"

"You still serve coffee, right?" the older man asked.

"The best in the universe– Dunkin' Donuts!"

The newcomers cheered and sat down at the opposite end of the counter from Lilo.

Wakka and Zidane sat down with the young girl. Lilo looked uneasy with Stitch on the floor, drumming his little claws against the tile.

"Why don't we just sit down at a booth," Wakka suggested. "We can hide Stitch by the window." They moved from the counter and piled into a booth. Chappu finally joined them.

"Took you long enough," Wakka said.

"Bank security's a hassle," Chappu said. He patted the large bulge in his shirt. "But dinner's taken care of."

They ordered and ate heartily, because no matter what the theme, ship stop food at the end of world is bound to be really good.

All through the meal, Zidane couldn't take his eyes off of the mysterious woman at the counter.

"Hey," Zidane nudged Chappu and nodded at her, "I think she's checking me out!"

_She's staring at Stitch_, Wakka thought, but he didn't say anything.

"Watch this," Zidane said. He raked his fingers through his hair and checked his breath. He walked over to the three people, they all stopped talking and looked at him, the men gave him hostile glares.

"Yes?" she said.

"Hi! I'm Zidane," Zidane leaned against the counter and smiled rakishly, "I'm a thief. _And I'm here to steal your heart._"

_Shing!_ The sound of really sharp weapons being drawn made his smile freeze.

"Just walk away, kid," the cigarette-smoking man muttered, he lifted the edge of his jacket and showed the kids that he was also packing a gun in the waistband of his pants.

Zidane frowned and backed away from the hostile people. The woman shrugged apologetically, she looked embarrassed.

"Sorry, not interested," she said.

"Okay, s'fine," Zidane said quietly.

"I didn't think that was called for," Wakka whispered when Zidane sat back down.

"Oh great, now they can't stop staring at us," Chappu said and ducked his head. Zidane halfheartedly mumbled under his breath and prodded at the remains of his dinner with his fork.

Nobody teased him.

* * *

"What was their problem?" Chappu complained as they left the diner.

"People are nuts," Wakka shrugged. Wakka noted the out of order sign on the ATM sign.

_Lucky Chappu was able to get his money out before it went on the blink,_ he thought.

"But what would make someone pull a, a great big knife–

"I believe that was a sword," Wakka said.

"Yeah. Why pull a sword on someone like–"

"Low self-esteem," Lilo said. The guys looked at her. "Well, isn't it?" she asked them.

"Wow! Look at _that_," Zidane said. "Look who's traveling in style." They stood in awe of the large, not-that-sleek, but not-that-ugly-either gummi ship in the parking lot. The thing made the Altoona look like a soapbox racer.

"Ah, she's not _that_ good-looking," Chappu said. "Bet she flies like a chair on re-entry."

Lilo walked up to one of the spindly legs and kicked at the tire.

"You don't need to be petty," Wakka said.

"When you look at a car, you're supposed to kick the tires," she explained, and kicked it again. "Yep, it's a tire."

"What's that supposed to show?"

"Dunno," she shrugged. Stitch gave the ship a kick. Zidane shrugged and kicked the tire as well.

"Maybe a good tire makes a certain noise," Chappu suggested, and he kicked the tire.

"Hey, guys? Can we stop kicking the homicidal people's ship?" Wakka said. His crew ignored him and kept kicking at the tire.

"I heard something," Zidane said. Everyone stopped. It would've been possible to hear a pin drop in the parking lot.

The sound of a tiny bolt and the three quarter inch pinkie flange it used to secure bouncing down through the layers of moving parts met their ears.

The noise started out quiet at first, and then crescendoed until the bolt finally fell free of the ship and hit Stitch squarely on the head.

THOCK!

"_Ouch!_" Stitch winced, but he didn't seem to suffer more than a minor annoyance. Then they heard a new sound. Everyone looked everyone else in the eye (sounds hard to do with four people, five if you count Stitch.)

"Start. The. _Engine_," Chappu whispered to Zidane and he shoved him toward the Altoona.

The ship groaned.

"It's moving," Lilo said.

"Um, no it's not." Chappu pulled them toward the Altoona.

"_Hey you kids! Get away from my ship!_" the angry captain ran out the front door of the Cafe and shouted at them.

The front end of the gummi ship suddenly rattled and sank about two feet. The Altoona's crew dropped to their knees, raised their arms above their heads and screamed. But the gummi ship swayed on it's loose leg smoothly, leaning away from the kids and finally it decided on a direction. It fell forward, towards the front of the Café where the captain and his two friends dove out of the way.

"Get to the ship!" Wakka shouted. The sound of breaking glass, furious swearing, and crunching metal filled the air. It was the second scariest sound he'd ever heard.

They all jumped when they heard a gunshot (incidentally, the _first_ scariest sound Wakka ever heard) and found they had the ability to run even faster than before. Zidane crawled aboard first and lunged for the pilot's seat while Wakka and Chappu yanked Lilo and Stitch inside and slammed the hatch shut.

"What's going on?" Mog poked his head out of the service ladder.

"Some crazy people are shooting at us!" Chappu shouted. Mog ducked back into the engine room. The ship lurched as it took off.

* * *

"Those poor kids," Aerith said.

Half an hour after the accident they were still stuck at the Café, trying to sort things out with the police. "What did you shoot at them for?" she railed at Leon.

"It was an accident," he said as though he didn't care, "Hair trigger."

"Poor _them?_" Yuffie fumed. They somehow pried Yuffie out of the remains of the Shiva, dark nail polish stained her pajamas. "What about me? I coulda been killed!"

"Who's going to pay for this?" the cook yelled at Cid again. More screaming ensued when the security force from the bank showed up after McDuck Intergalactic Banking received an electronic alert that one of their ATM's had been tampered with, and the waitress reported that a large portion of the stock from the gift shop was missing.

* * *

"Who wants beef jerky?" Zidane yelled.

"Ooh, gimme!" Stitch and Mog said.

* * *

"Excuse me, everyone. Everyone?" a new voice floated over the arguing.

"Now what?" the cook muttered.

The newcomer stepped out of his two-man ship and flashed a badge.

"Seifer Almasy, I'm a bounty hunter, with Lunarian," he said. Everyone shut up and turned to stare at the bounty hunter. He appeared to be a man who always thought prudently about business, a calm tracker, if a little accident prone.

"Hey, he's got a "shaving scar" just like you do," Yuffie said to Leon.

"Meh," Leon replied.

"I'm looking for a group of children, ranging from ages seven to seventeen? Reports… uh, _report_ that they may have some kind of pet with them?" Everyone gathered around Mr. Almasy curiously. "They may or may not be armed and dangerous? Anyone? Anyone? Geez, why doesn't someone say something?"

* * *

Portico City Train Station wasn't the busiest station, but it was built for volume. In centuries past, the great cities to the south enjoyed a healthy trade in a magical substance called mist, a delicious liquid that could be used to power magical devices and sweeten beverages. Mist was largely consumed by the wizards and mages of the world to boost their flagging natural abilities. Then the mist dried up at some point, the trade routes pretty much vanished, and most magical acts were forbidden by strict laws in order to conserve what little energy was left for important functions (mostly maintaining the health and safety of the powerful and elite.)

The trains remained, even if business fell off. They were the prized darlings of the cities that ran them. Large, complex, and built to last the ages, the Southbound Line cut through the dense rainforest of the Gibraltar Continent at speeds that could only be matched by airships. The trip to Zanarkand would only take them a couple of days.

_You meet some weird people on the train_, Baralai thought.

Case in point: the guy who accosted him as they waited to board the Southbound.

"You sir!" the little man in the looked like he carried every worldly possession wrapped in colorful scarves on his back. "You look like you're off on an adventure."

"You could say that," Baralai said politely.

"I remember when my wife and I took our second honeymoon in Mysidia," the man said and sighed. Baralai wondered why this guy wanted to tell him his life story. "I guess that is where you two are headed. Am I right?"

"What?" he looked over his shoulder and saw that the guy was looking at Myrna as she arranged her blouse again. She'd made a clever little pouch for Goliath to hide in when they were around crowds.

_He thinks..._ Baralai almost laughed in the man's face.

"A romantic getaway always helps, am I right?" the man winked.

"I _wish_," Baralai said. He sometimes felt like the only person in the world who associated Mysidia with mind-numbing work and duty. When was the last time he had taken a trip anywhere _for fun?_

Like he could even afford to, those alimony payments pretty much had him nailed down in one place for the next twenty years. And there was the kid to think about, maybe when he was smaller he would've liked to travel with him and now that he was older...

"Things gotten a little stale between you and the wife?" the man went on, dragging Baralai out of his thoughts, "I could tell, my friend–"

"We're not married," Baralai interrupted brusquely.

"Okay, your "life partner" then," the man soldiered on. "She just doesn't look at you the way she used to? We've all been there–"

"You couldn't be more wrong if your name was W. Wrongy Wrongenstein."

The mayor? And him? _Ewww... _well, maybe if they were the last people on earth and he got a head start after all was said and done... _nah_.He could've slapped himself, it's always a mistake to engage these people.

"I'm not interested," he told the man and left him standing there.

* * *

One thing about the low number of travelers, it guaranteed a private car and they weren't hassled about their pets– not that he considered Goliath an animal, he even corrected their conductor on that point with such a lengthy lecture that the man avoided them for the rest of the trip.

It turned out that their new friend– the _ninja_– had a dog. They had been introduced to the creature before they walked to the station.

"He doesn't like stran– hey! Interceptor, _stop that!_" The dog headed straight for Baralai and stuck its nose into his crotch.

Encounters like this always took Baralai back to his days as a novice in the Order.

_Flashback..._

"Now," Galuf said to the dashing lad. "We're going to introduce you to some wyrms. They're juveniles, like yourself, it's usually best to introduce the two species to each other when you're younger, but it's not too late for you to learn to communicate with them. We've had novices learn the dragon languages as old as twenty-three!

"No matter what happens, you must remain calm."

"I'm not afraid of anything, Master," Baralai said. "I'm stronger than anyone else in the order, and I've never run from anything, _ever._"

"Boy, there is a time and a place for boasting."

"But it's true, Master."

"You're strong enough," Galuf agreed, "But that's useless here. You're not here to _master_ the dragons– that's a myth the Order allows to thrive because it's useful. Dragons and Dragoons are partners, we are ambassadors of our race to a fine and noble people."

The old Curator tended to repeat himself.

_I _know_ how it works, _Baralai thought as he checked his immaculate robes. The dragons/dragoon relationship was based on respect. He'd just wander in and the dragons would respect him because he stood out among his kind as a powerful force. _It's all about manners, really. As long as I don't piss them off they'll be happy to work with me._

_End Flashback..._

Ah, he'd been such a brazen little thing. He listened respectfully to old Galuf and followed him into the Wyrm's cavern. He even walked boldly into the center of the nest and introduced himself.

A couple of hours later a team of older men from the Order rescued him from the young wyrms, and it was the first time he ever cried publicly. Oh, the wyrms didn't hurt him. Far from it, they _adored_ him. The event remained a mystery to him and the Order until he met Frega nearly a decade later.

"Kid, you've got a bit of elf in you," Frega said when they met. "I'd bet a gajillion gil on it."

It seemed like a good explanation, too bad his special brand of "elvaan glamour"– or whatever the hell it was only worked on animals, and _dragons._

Baralai still couldn't keep himself from going ballistic every time he saw a young child loving his or her beloved pet to death.

_I shall love him and name him George._

He shuddered.

Once they located their compartment, Baralai settled himself where he could watch the whole room. Interceptor climbed up on the bench beside him.

_This is so awkward,_ he thought. Shadow glared at him from across the car. Just then Goliath settled on his lap and started to nibble on the hem of his surcoat.

"No, don't do that," he said quietly to the dragon. Goliath looked up at him, and then started to nibble again. Baralai picked him up and held him at eye level. "No!" he said firmly. Goliath blinked and then started to nibble on the cuff. He nearly dropped Goliath when Interceptor went for his crotch again.

"Hey, don't let him chew on your clothes, that's not good for him," Myrna said to him as though he hadn't the sense to do otherwise.

Two hours after the train pulled out of the station he finally got Goliath to go to sleep, and Interceptor laid his body over Baralai's feet. He didn't want to ruin the bit of peace he got, but he was very thirsty. He was about to get up and head to the dining car when there was a knock at the door.

"Tea, anyone?" it was the salesman from earlier. He pushed a beverage cart ahead of him. "A cup of earl gray for ten?"

"Excellent," Myrna said. "Do you have any cookies?"

"For a lady? Anything," the man said. He poured her a cup of tea from a beautiful little teapot into a matching teacup. He served Baralai (Shadow preferred to remain unseen by people outside the group and he had somehow hidden himself as soon as the door opened) and moved on.

"Hey, he forgot my cookies," Myrna said after he left.

"I'll go get them," Baralai handed her Goliath and got up. "I need a refill anyway."

He left the compartment. There was something strange about the way the man acted.

"Ah, my friend," the man said when he caught up with him. "Did you enjoy your tea?"

"Alright, what did you do?" Baralai cut to the chase.

"My name is Quackenbush, Fester Quackenbush, and I represent the Rin Pharmaceutical Company." The man handed Baralai a card.

"Uh-huh."

"And I just gave your lady friend a free sample of our newest product!"

"What?"

"Freya's Love Is In The Air, an exciting new marital aid."

"Please tell me you're kidding."

"No, sir! Everyone on this train is going to experience RP's promotional giveaway."

Baralai grabbed the man's arm and twisted it behind his back.

"We're going to see the conductor about this," he said. "Do you know how many laws you've broken?"

"Laws? Oh crap! I can't go back to jail!"

"Well you should've given your little plan a little more thought! You can't wander around slipping your snake oil products into people's food and drink without their knowledge. What if someone has a bad reaction?"

"It's not _snake oil_," Fester protested. "It's a fully tested product that uses .01 essence of real magic– it really works! You just watch, in about ten minutes your vacation is gonna get a lot _better_."

"Give me a break! Let's go," he hauled Fester toward the front of the train.

"Wait, just wait," Fester said desperately. "I can't lose this sale job, I can't go to jail– tell you what, why don't we wait around and see how your lady friend reacts, you won't be disappointed, I guarantee that!"

"What's going on? Why all the yelling?" Myrna stuck her head out of the compartment.

"This idiot slipped you a love potion," Baralai said. Fester objected to being called an idiot.

"Oh? Well, I'm flattered, sir, but I'm happily married," she smiled… and then her smile faltered.

She turned a pale shade of green for a second.

"Are you okay?" he asked. She locked eyes with him, and then bolted across the hallway to the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Uh-oh," Fester said as the painful sounds of regurgitation met Baralai's concerned inquiries.

"What do you mean, 'uh-oh'?" Baralai growled and twisted Fester's arm back even tighter.

"There was a– _ouch,_ not so hard! There was a very, very, _very_ small percentage of test subjects who reacted adversely to the product–

"_How_ aversely?"

"–but I was told not to worry about it, the chances of a customer using this product and actually getting seriously ill–"

"_What?_ What's in that stuff? Let me see the bottle."

"Sir, I can't _give_ the product away! You'll have to purchase–" Baralai pulled twisted even harder. Interceptor started to bark and Goliath woke up and squealed. For his part, Fester did not scream.

"Okay. You win," Fester said. Baralai let go. "You're really a pain, you know. This is what I get for trying to help a guy out…" he reached into his pocket.

"Watch it," Shadow warned, he seemed to appear from thin air. Fester threw a small packet on the floor. A cloud of smoke filled the hallway.

"Why didn't you do something?" Baralai demanded of Shadow when the smoke cleared and Fester had disappeared.

"I _said_ 'watch it.'"

"We have to find him."

"Why?"

"We have to be able to tell the doctor what she ingested," Baralai said.

"What for?" Shadow asked insolently. "Poison's are mostly the same. A shot of _Esuna_ and–"

"Will you just _help me_? My god, she fed you, the least you could do is show a little common decency and help me find that man." Shadow drew his sword.

"An interesting game to pass the time," Shadow said grimly. "I shall find this man and kill him."

"You don't have to kill him."

"Why not? He won't be missed."

"You can't kill him, the Mayor wouldn't like it."

"I don't like someone jeopardizing the prospects of my getting paid. I shall return."

"Hey!" Baralai objected, but another smoke bomb later (was there a special on these things?) and Shadow was gone. Interceptor cocked his head and whined at Baralai. He could hear Myrna, still yakking up her breakfast.

"You two, stay here and guard the Mayor," he said to Goliath and Interceptor. Interceptor whuffed and sat down in front of the bathroom door. Goliath squeaked at him and tried to perch on his shoulder. "I said _stay_," he said. Goliath dug his claws into Baralai's clothes and stubbornly regarded him.

"Fine, but try not to get in the way," he warned him.

* * *

"Good morning, Girl Friday," Frega put his face close to hers. She clapped her hands over her ears. Her head hurt so _bad._

"Go. Away," she twisted and buried her face into the couch cushion, but realized her mistake when her gorge rose. Frega hauled her upright and shoved the garbage pail into her hands before she could make a real mess of his beautiful carpet.

"First order of the day: I do not want you partaking of any more alcoholic beverages without my supervision, you are much too vulnerable to suggestion when you're drunk. And you dream too loudly," he said.

"_You _told me to," she argued lamely and wiped the tears off her cheek.

"And your unquestioning obedience to authority figures, while misguided, has recommended you to your new position in the company," he patted her on the head. He turned to his coat closet and rifled around. "I'm still in need of an assistant, one who won't try to _pick my pocket_," he snarled.

"I don't want a job."

"Too late," he sang. He held up a large contract printed on overly bright white paper. She recognized her signature from across the room, and saw a dark smear at the end of the name. Her thumb prickled, she saw a messy tear across the pad of her thumb. "See why it's not a good idea to let your guard down and get trashed around strangers? Now put these on, Girl Friday." He threw the old clothes she stole from him just a couple of days before at her.

Kairi didn't understand what was happening, but she was curious so she put the jacket and gloves on again without a word.

"Where's Edward?" she asked.

"_Around_," Frega said and he sagged for a moment. He then pulled a second, newer jacket from the closet and slipped into it. He and Kairi pulled on the matching boots and gloves, the scarves and the belts. Frega pulled the pointed hat from the top shelf and held it out by it's brim. "This is yours now," he said quietly. "Don't let it get smashed, and don't lose it. They're hard to reblock you know."

She put the hat on and felt a margin of safety in the anonymity. Frega pulled another hat from the closet and put it on. The only part of him she could see was his tufted tail. He reached into the back of the closet and removed a thick staff of polished black metal as tall as he was, hat and all. Lastly, he picked up a large bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Where are we going? And where's Edward?" she asked, a little scared now.

"Business trip," Frega said. "Now follow me, Girl Friday."

"Why–"

"I always wanted a Girl Friday, it's cute, isn't it?" he said in forced cheerful voice. "Now keep your questions to yourself and follow me."

She did as she was told, and stayed just two steps behind him. He stepped into the hallway, checking both ways with his staff held at the ready.

The hallway had been bright and beautifully decorated with strange plants and vibrant murals when she arrived, but now only a single light flickered above them and the only color she could make out was a black smudge that covered both walls and the floor. Everything smelled like ozone.

"Frega," she whispered. He froze. A million questions battered around in her head trying to get out, but all she could say: "I'm scared."

"Whatever happens, stay by me," he said. "Here, take this Bucky Ball." A heavy gray sphere was placed in her palm. "If we find any trouble, and things go badly for me, just toss this and run the other way. Understand?"

She didn't understand much else, but this little bit made sense.

"Bucky is magic," she stated.

"Very dangerous magic," Frega said. "Use Bucky only as a last resort. Now, let's go. If you notice anything, anything at all, just tap me on the shoulder. We must move quietly."

"Okay, sssss–" she hissed and spit, but the word forced itself out. "_sir._"

_What the hell?_ she wondered.

"Good girl," Frega said, and she could sense a smile under that shadow. "Let's go."

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	10. 09 No Ordinary Year

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

No Ordinary Year is by and copyright Anael, from the Once Upon A Dream album.

* * *

**No Ordinary Year**

Kairi was tired of being a victim.

What did one have to do to not get shot at?

Or kidnapped.

Forget praying for a hero to show up in the nick of time, what she needed was something that told villains: try the damsel down the street.

All these years her attempts to be taken seriously as anything but amusing eye-candy have produced only a reputation for quirky humor and penchant for power tools. What was she doing wrong?

She cleared her thoughts. This wasn't the time to feel sorry for herself, plenty of time for that later, and maybe someone nice and attractive will be around to offer her a shoulder to cry on...

_No! That's just the sort of thinking I'm not going to be doing anymore. I'm a capable self-reliant woman now!_ she thought.

Dad always said that when you're feeling overwhelmed it helps to make a list or two.

Girl Friday's list of current difficulties:

1. Kidnapped by aliens.

2. Island paradise slated for reconstruction, or something.

3. Contractually obligated to serve a potentially evil boss.

4. Lost friends.

5. Made a new friend, not sure about his loyalties or his sanity, lost him too.

6. Kinda hungry.

7. But nauseous.

8. Uncomfortable new footwear raising blisters on ankles.

_That neatens things up_, Kairi thought.

Things I can do about any of this (as corresponds to the numbered list above):

1. Nothing.

2. Nothing

3. Nothing

4. Nothing

5. Nothing

6. Nothing

7. Uh, it's gonna be something in a minute…

8. Nothing.

_God, I 'm depressed,_ Kairi thought. _Maybe I _should_ pray._

This didn't strike her as a satisfying solution. Kairi's own spirituality was rather limited, and why not? Her father was a pure materialist, Mom was a laughable superstitious yahoo, and the only religious authority on the island claimed that if there were gods, they only take an interest in people to screw with them. The hypocrite.

She tried to wrest the memory of her recruitment out of last night's jumble, which only made her head hurt worse than all the loud clanging that came from the escalator they took to the laboratory on the fourth floor. Wherever they were ultimately headed, she hoped it was quiet.

"Watch out for the dinosaur," Frega warned her before ducking nimbly behind a large duct. She followed Frega quietly, unlike old Kairi, who would've frozen and maybe wet herself a little. They waited for the tyrannosaurus to lurch towards the only open doorway in sight.

They walked into the destroyed lab, Frega held his staff at the ready while he scanned corners and empty cages.

"Watch the door," he said. He pulled several instruments from smashed cabinets and put them carefully in his bag.

Her gut finally forced its contents back out the way it came. She didn't think she'd eaten so much...

"Ech! Wax fruit!" Kairi coughed up a chunk of something that appeared to be part of an apple.

"You were _extremely_ drunk," Frega said. "Edward particularly loved your strip tease," he added.

"You're making that up!" she shot back.

"Maybe," he said, and grinned. "Let's go, there's very little time left."

They had to stop twice to allow Kairi to retch and rest, R&R as Frega called it. He led her through many dark corridors, the secret paths of the station.

"There are too many experiments loose on the rest of the floors," he explained. "Too many corpses, it's not a thing a lady should see."

Minutes later they reached a dark room, a dead end. Frega punched a code into the keypad by the door and placed his thumb over the lit pad for scanning.

"Girl Friday," Frega stood in front of a lonely door in a dark room. "Take my hand." He held out his hand palm up. She took his hand.

The world went liquid, she felt herself turn runny…

She shook her head and the illusion went away. He led her out into a brisk nighttime in a land much more arid than her island home. The door slammed shut behind them, and she realized how dark it was in this strange wilderness.

She could hear insects and animals, and certainly there were trees nearby. The place smelled unfamiliar, she dismissed the possibility that they were close to Destiny Island.

"Human eyes are so bad in the dark," Frega said. He pulled her along gently. "There we go. Do you know where we are, Girl Friday?"

"No," she said, "It feels _different_ here."

"We're outside of an old town on the outskirts of Burmecia's farming communities. This used to be called Old Damcya, now even _that_ name isn't on the new maps. Edward loved to come out here when he was a young man– had some girl out here I gather. I hope you like camping."

"No, sir."

"I wasn't asking. But you'll get used to it. The forest is where we all come from, so you'll get used to it. Watch your step."

"Yes, sir."

She felt the difference in the air when they passed beneath the trees of the forest, it got colder. Small shrubs and grasses brushed her legs, and as they worked their way into the undergrowth she was glad to have the long cloak, hat, and boots.

Eventually he did stop. Her eyes were adjusting to the dark, but all she could see was a large shadow looming above them.

"This is the outer wall of the city. There's going to be some climbing from here on out, but we can sleep safely at the end of it." He pushed her forward until she stumbled and fell against the side of a very steep hill. She scrambled up through the carpet of dead leaves and wished she were back home.

_Stupid victim status._

They climbed and climbed, up hills, down hills, over ruins and through clumps of trees so thick that she started to get paranoid. Mom told her about trees that could move and kill people (particularly bad little children who wandered away into areas they weren't supposed to be.)

_Stupid forest._

"Almost there, little one," he said, not the least bit out of breath. "And here it is," he said after she ran in to another wall.

_Not gonna give him the satisfaction of seeing me suffer,_ she blinked the tears away and rubbed her head.

"This should keep us safe," he rapped the earth with his staff, the top lit up with several small, multicolored lights. The glow showed her that she had climbed into a circular room, one of which only the jagged stone wall remained. The floor dipped smoothly, like a shallow bowl, but over the centuries it had filled with dead leaves.

"That's weird, nothing grows here," she stated.

"Very observant," Frega said. He sounded slightly surprised. "Nothing will ever grow here, this is where "Death rests her weary foot."" He wandered over to the wall and put his hand on the clean stone surface. "Look closely at this wall. See the texture?"

She looked and looked, but it was too dark to see anything very subtle.

"I can't," she said, taking off one of her gloves. She put her bare fingers against the wall and shivered at the too cold sensation she felt. A moment passed, she dragged her fingers across the surface. The stone wasn't smooth, but the rough little grooves were so tiny that she guessed even in the full light of day the wall looked smooth, no cracks. She detected a gradual tilt inward, so maybe this room was the ruin of a tower with a diminishing circumference at every floor.

"It's a tower," she said.

"It's a fossil," Frega said. "A Lifa tree."

"They're just fairy tales!"

"They're nearly extinct is all, and I'll tell you a secret," he leaned close to her ear and she smelled the patchouli in his clothes. The brims of their hats touched. "The Luna _hate_ these things!" he whispered.

"You're crazy," she pulled away.

"Hm, yeah," he said happily and took his hat off. He sat down in the leaves and started arranging a nest. "We'd better get some sleep. I've got a special assignment for you tomorrow." He patted the ground next to him.

She settled down uneasily as he continued to build a temporary nest out of the leaves.

"This place is too scary to sleep in," she complained.

"I can gaurantee that there's nothing out there worse than me," he said and he grinned hugely, showing off his fangs. He sounded suspiciously nicer, she thought.

She eased herself onto the ground and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The two black mages walked into the country town, heedless of the stares. Not that they weren't welcome, tourists were always welcome in Outer Palmeria, but black mages were an unexpected and curious sight anywhere below the mountains of Mysidia. People had to look, if not for the reputation of the mages, then for the antiquated style of dress they still wore after centuries. The Palmerians smiled and waved to the newcomers.

"Excuse me," one of the mages stopped an older gentleman, who kept flicking his gaze up to the black staff in the mage's hand. "We're antiquarians, it's our hobby. Can you recommend any unusual landmarks, or buildings particularly, of historical significance?"

"Oh, well, certainly," the gentleman settled and began a long-winded lecture about the role of Outer Palmeria in several small wars. Kairi tuned out, and stared at the novelty taffy puller in the candy shop window across the street.

_If you'd asked me a few months ago where I saw myself going in the future, I never would've thought I'd be _here_ doing _this she thought. Far from home and serving an elf. _Focus, Kairi. There's got to be a pay phone around here. _That was the first order of business.

_Poor Mom, she shouldn't be all alone. She's probably sick with worry!_

"Thank you, sir," Frega said.

"Not a'tall, sir. Good day."

"Well, that was easy," Frega said to her. The little glowing spots that were his eyes narrowed. He poked her in the shoulder with his sharp little finger. "Pay attention!"

Just then a gorgeous old jalopy coasted by. The paint was deep purple, with brand-new rims that gleamed like polished silver, and the engine purred like new.

"Oooh! Spinners!" Kairi said. She'd never seen another car up close (the town on Destiny Island had one car, a crappy Edsel that some old resident "donated" for the use of the community.)

"Come on!" Frega pulled her along like a wayward child.

He dragged her all the way to the Outer Palmeria Museum, an old building with actual boards for a sidewalk.

"Just like home," Kairi said.

"Except there aren't any pirates urinating in public or passed out in the alley," Frega mentioned.

"Yeah. Weird."

They entered the museum and met no one, according to the sign on the front desk, the curator was out to lunch.

"Perfect, I only want to show you one little thing," Frega stalked into the one of the tiny rooms stuffed with dusty artifacts. Kairi paused at the dried up mummy on the table and walked fearfully around it.

"See this stone," he pointed into a drawer full of rocks. "This large one."

She leaned over the collection and pointed to the flat stone with the blocks of small writing.

"This one?"

"Yes, the rosetta stone. Study it, remember where it is and what it looks like."

"That shouldn't be hard," Kairi said. It stuck out among the bits of elf shot and broken figurines.

"Good. You're going to steal it tonight. Let's go." He whirled around and stalked out of the museum.

"Wait. _What?_

"Can't you just _buy_ the thing? You're company's super rich!" she called as she followed him down the street.

"I like getting things for free," he said.

"_But__I don't want to be a thief!_" Several people turned to stare. Frega stopped.

"Don't raise your voice to me," he ordered.

"Yes, sir," she said through gritted teeth.

"It's not your place to question me," he said. "If you want to be my student, you must _remember_ that!"

"I never asked to be your... student?"

"Now. We've got some time to waste before nightfall, and I want to look at some old buildings."

"Aw, man," Kairi moaned. "Could we get back to the student thing?"

"Stop complaining. It's unattractive." He waggled a finger at her.

"Let me see that contract a minute," she said; and he was probably waiting for this moment. He whipped that contract right out of his jacket and handed it to her. "_Ha!_ Big mistake!" she said and she ripped the offending document right in half…

"Good," Frega snatched one half of the document out of her hand. The torn edge flattened out and the two halves of the contract grew into two separate and complete contracts. "Keep your copy with you, you also signed a nondisclosure agreement and we don't want to leave company secrets lying around."

"_Arrgh!_" Kairi yelled. She heard Frega laugh softly.

"Delightful," he said. "Come along, we've got a ninth-century foyer to look at."

* * *

"Those little brats! They totaled my beautiful Shiva!" Cid kicked at the remains of the gummi ship in the parking lot. Leon walked among the rubble with a large wad of duct tape in his hand.

"Cid? Remember when we crashed on that planet of crab-people and you said you'd fixed everything and not to worry about it?"

Cid took a calming drag on his cigarette and drew out the next sentence.

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering if that had anything to do with the miles and miles of duct tape I found beneath the, um, well…"

"What? You got something against duct tape?"

"No, it's just… was the entire ship held together with nothing but _duct tape_?"

Cid's eyes shifted back and forth.

"Could be," he said. "What's your point?"

"Cid, that crash happened several months ago. We've been traveling around on a wing and a prayer, _and duct tape?_"

"You saying you don't trust me?"

"Of course not! I'm just saying that I find it a little disturbing that we've entrusted our lives to duct tape!"

"You're a mechanic all of a sudden? What do you have against duct tape?"

"Didn't this disaster prove–"

"It didn't prove a goddamn thing! Now go sulk somewhere and let _me_ do what _I_ do best. Keerist! You're young and you think you know everything." Cid muttered. Leon slunk off to think (definitely not to sulk! No way!)

Meanwhile, the girls were flirting with the bounty hunter.

"How much?" Yuffie said.

"Each," Seifer said coolly.

"They're criminals?" Aerith said doubtfully, "I mean, aside from the petty theft."

"I'm not at liberty to say," he brushed his hair back, "But it's pretty bad, if what the Luna tell me is true. Don't worry, ladies."

"I'm not." She wasn't falling for anything from this guy.

"They won't escape me, or justice, for long."

"Capturing children, hmm," Aerith said. "Good luck with that."

"We should team up!" Yuffie said quite unexpectedly.

"What?" Seifer said.

"What?" Aerith added.

"Scuse us," Yuffie told Seifer and she dragged Aerith away. "We should _totally_ help this guy out. We could get a cut of the profits!"

"We're not hard up for cash," Aerith pointed out.

"Well," Yuffie shuffled her feet, "He's also kinda hot!"

"Oh... _Oh._ I see." Yuffie blushed and grinned. "I thought you and Leon…"

"Ugh! Mr. I'm-too-deep-and-mysterious-too-care? Please. He had his chance." Aerith looked at her skeptically. "And," Yuffie continued, "If it just happens to make him a little jealous…"

The unholy giggle of conspiring women made all the men in the parking lot shiver.

* * *

The Altoona lazily circled through the clear sky of the unknown planet. It settled in the sands of a pristine beach of white sand and crystal clear water. The gangplank thunked into the sand, gallons of water sluiced out of the hold and onto the beach.

Zidane, Mog, Chappu, Lilo, Stitch, and Wakka wandered out into the sun, drenched.

"I don't understand it," Mog said, plopping down into the sand, "There's no visible damage to any of the systems, or the engine… Where could all that water have come from? Lousy prototype ship..."

"Wow… Look at this place," Chappu stared out at the sea.

"Paradise," Zidane said. "Hey, Mog, do we have any beach chairs?"

"Aw, great idea!" Chappu said.

"Wait a sec," Wakka said, "we can't afford to take a break– we've got maniacs on our trail and a universe to get back to."

"Now why the heck would I have lawn chairs in the ship?" Mog asked the young thieves before turning on Wakka. "And you? You should relax. We've got light-years between us, and by the time they even get their ship back off the ground they'll have forgotten us. We could be _anywhere_."

"How long do you think it'll take 'em to get their ship back together?" Chappu asked.

"I'm not sure," Mog said. "I'm unfamiliar with that type of vessel.

"However. We should let the Altoona dry out before we seal ourselves in it again. You do _not_ want to be stuck in an airtight vessel with a mildew problem, _believe me_. But first, all that adrenaline has taxed by poor widdle body, I'm gonna nap. Hakuna Matata ever'body," Mog fell onto his back and began to snore.

* * *

And so the crew spent a couple of days on the mysterious beach, sleeping, dancing, swimming, and playing blitzball.

"Okay, you little monster," Wakka growled at Stitch. Chappu watched the one-on-one game sleepily, while Zidane and Mog were learning some new dance moves from Lilo. "We settle this _today._"

Wakka crouched warily and waited for Stitch to try and throw the ball past him into his goal. No one had yet succeeded in breaking past his defense. "Let's see what you got! You're exhausted, far from your goal, and you've got to break past _me_, the greatest blitzball player in the tri-island district since Rev LeGrande– we're going to _state!_ We're–"

"Oh, brother…" Stitch said. He lobbed the ball directly into Wakka's stomach. The Captain fell on his face and lay very still.

"Is he breathing?" Chappu asked when his brother didn't move for a full three minutes. He and Stitch rolled Wakka onto his back.

"Okay?" Stitch asked worriedly and poked him.

"Hair o' the dog!" Chappu yelled and kicked his brother in the stomach.

No response.

"Er, maybe I shouldna done that," Chappu said.

Lilo noticed what was going on and ran up to them.

"Quick! Somebody do CPR!" she said.

"CP-what?" Chappu said. "Look, it's okay, see? He's breathing. Phew!"

"CPR," she said, "You know, cardio pulmonary resuscitation." Chappu blinked.

"Gah?"

"_Must... kill... brother..._" Wakka groaned.

"What would you do if he didn't start breathing?" she asked.

"I don't know," Chappu said. "But Wakka's not the dying type. He's the toughest guy I know. His skull is solid rock." He rapped his knuckles on Wakka's head.

"_Killll..._" Wakka groaned.

"I don't know..." Lilo squinted at him. "Does _anybody_ know anything about first aid?"

Wakka laid in the sand and listened to the younger members of his crew talk.

He began to have doubts about the success of his college career.

And he wondered if his crew respected him much.

Lilo shook him.

"Wakka? Are you alright?"

"Yeah. What is it, kiddo?" he asked.

"I was just wondering... what's that?" she pointed toward the beach.

A steel grey fin no bigger than a foot high zigzagged through the sand. It left a trail that indicated it was steadily making its way up the beach to the crew.

"Oh... more weirdness, how _interesting_," he said calmly, not wanting to upset the little girl. "Why don't you and Stitch and Chappu run into the ship now? You hear me, Chappu?"

"Yeah, okay," Chappu said absently.

"Come on, we have to get back into the ship," Lilo tugged at the boy's arm.

"What? What for?"

"Mog, Zidane!" Wakka yelled.

"_Sand shark!_" Mog screamed and pointed at the fin.

"Nobody panic!" Wakka said with as much authority as he could manage.

"Sand shark?" Chappu broke free from Lilo and turned to stare at the alien creature.

Another steel grey fin wove through the sand between the group and the ship.

"Well, Cap, what do we do?" Chappu asked him.

The two creatures heaved out of the sand, their bodies less sharklike and more wormlike. They threw a shower of dirt and grit over the area.

"_Everybody run!_" Wakka said. He grabbed Lilo and dove for the stand of palms to the right, thinking that perhaps the trees would impede the progress of the creatures.

Two shots rang out, clear above the grinding hiss of sand. Wakka dropped Lilo instantly and screamed.

"_I've been shot!_"

"_Where_?" Lilo asked, but Wakka would only repeat himself. It felt like he was watching himself act under the impulses of someone else. He wanted to take over again and get his crew to safety, but he couldn't get up.

He saw the creatures, mechanical and freakish with their disproportionately large jaws tower above them. Lilo wrapped her arms around him as one of the "sharks" angled toward them.

* * *

He'd been hoping that he could spend more time getting Myrna to divulge more details about his wild weekend or at least get those photographs away from her, but no. Here he was trying to catch up with a bumbling, ethically challenged salesman in order to save his life.

Why the hell has their luck been so bad anyway? Alright, maybe depending upon pirate-driven transportation should be a form of gambling, but the trip should've been straightforward. It's as though the gods have taken an interest in him again.

"Never a good thing," he muttered.

After looking through several cars and turning up no clues he decided to try going the other direction, towards the engine. He ran into Shadow outside of their compartment.

"Any luck?" Shadow asked, and Baralai could swear he heard a snicker in that inquiry. He ignored Shadow and continued towards the front, until he realized that he didn't see Interceptor anywhere.

"Myrna?" he went back and knocked on the bathroom door. It was empty, and no one was in the compartment either. At least she felt better. There was only one way she could've gone. He continued toward the engine.

He found her in the dining car.

"What are you doing?" he asked. She somehow talked the cook into letting her have her way in the kitchen.

"I'm making the world's largest sandwich." She laid a line of rolls along the length of the counter. "The trick to making a giant, continuous sandwich," she said, with a manic gleam in her eye, "is to make sure that there's a slice of meat or a thick leaf of lettuce or baby spinach, _something_, between the rolls. That way you can use more than one roll and claim it's the same sandwich!"

"Okay. _Why?_"

"For love, Baralai. _Love. _Food is _love_, and I love everybody on this train. Right down to the last foul-smelling hobo. They're all mine, and I'm their Sandwich Queen." She clasped her hands and beamed.

"I think you should go lay down," he said, her eyes looked a little _off_.

"Hey," the cook popped up from behind the counter, "let the lady finish her masterpiece."

Goliath smacked his lips.

"I don't see how you can still be hungry after all you've eaten," he said, and held up the sleeve of his tattered surcoat. Myrna pulled out a knife.

"Pardon me Marco," she said to the cook. In a fluid stroke she sliced through the lined rolls, precisely through the center and without missing a single one.

"That's a sharp knife, Madam," the cook commented.

"I noticed your set needed a little sharpening," Myrna said while she twirled the end of the blade against her thumb, "I could come back later and–"

The cook didn't know what to say. He stuttered, shuffled his feet and blushed.

"That wasn't a propisition," Baralai said to help the guy out. The cook laughed and took refuge in the kitchen to recover his wits.

"Have you seen the tea vendor," Baralai asked.

"Nope," Myrna threw a layer of cheeses onto the open rolls and hummed merrily.

"Where's–" Interceptor nosed his crotch again before he could finish his question. "Now stop that!" he pushed the dog away. "I don't know what that's supposed to tell you that you don't already know!"

A loud noise surprised them.

"Sounded like it came from the engine," Myrna said without looking up from her sandwich.

"Just… stay here," Baralai ordered her.

He put Goliath on the counter and ran out of the dining car.

* * *

"_EEEEK!"_ Fester squealed. He fell out of the baggage compartment he'd been cowering in and landed at Baralai's feet.

"_Finally_," Baralai sighed, "A clue." He dragged the gibbering man to his feet. "Give me that bottle."

"But did you _hear_ that noise?" Fester whined. "There's something on top of the _train!_"

"Of course there's something on the train!" Baralai said. "And it's probably a monster too, the way things have… been… going…?" He caught sight of an undulating tentacle feeling its way along the outside of the train windows and leaving a slimy film over the glass.

"Well dammit!" he let Fester go. Yes, now that Fester stopped squealing and whining he could hear something massive moving around on the roof. He had to do something about this. But first...

"Gimme that bottle, or I'll kill you and take it from your corpse!" Fester burst into fresh squeals of terror and curled up on the floor. It made the Praetor embarrassed just to watch, and he was actually starting to feel a little _bad_ about threatening the man.

"There's a monster on the roof," Shadow seemed to slip out of the air itself to tell him this news in his deadpan voice.

"You're kidding," Baralai said in his own deadpan.

"I'll kill it," Shadow said, "Just don't forget to tell the Mayor to add that to her tally."

"Tally?"

"I want to keep an accurate count of the monsters I'm getting paid to kill."

"You're getting paid? The Mayor told me that you agreed to accompany us for a split of the profits, nothing about getting paid!"

"The Mayor says a lot of things, I gather," Shadow said. "But I don't do anything for free." With that Shadow threw another smoke bomb and disappeared.

"You're lucky," Baralai said to Fester, "He was going to kill you."

"Still am," Shadow replied from nowhere.

"Save me!" Fester clung to Baralai's leg. "Please! I don't deserve to die! I'll give you the product for free! All you want, just _save me._"

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	11. 10 You Can Call Me Al

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

You Can Call Me Al is by and copyright Paul Simon, from the Graceland album.

* * *

**You Can Call Me Al**

"Wake up!" Frega nudged her in the side with his foot. She lifted her head and glared at him. "It's time for you to perform your duty," he ignored her look and handed her a pocketknife. "Use this to jimmy the lock. I'll expect you back in an hour, if you're late I'll be forced to come and get you.

"_You don't want that_," he warned.

She scrambled to her feet and made her way through the forest, which was ten times scarier in the dark now that she was alone, but at least she wasn't having as much trouble seeing her way.

_Isn't this a little thrilling,_ she thought sarcastically, _I'm running off to commit my first crime._

She tripped over a root and made a terrific racket as she fell to the ground.

_This is not who I am! What am I doing?_

_Maybe I could run away, _she thought. But she remembered his warning.

_No matter what he makes me do, I'll stay pure in my heart!_

She solemnly swore to the sky, even if she didn't really believe in spirits. It helped her a little, and she felt free to continue on her way.

The town silently slumbered. Kairi didn't even see a night watchman. She stood still for a couple of minutes and heard nothing more than a couple of dogs in the distance.

Honestly. These people were begging to be burgled, but she was sorry to be the one to do so.

The museum had just one lock, and that wasn't even a dead bolt. Good.

She took out the knife and looked at it in by the waxing crescent moon's light.

"Swiss Army Knife. _Yes!_" She'd always wanted one of these useful things, but she never had the money to get one herself and her parents would never allow it (Mom thought they were silly, and Dad didn't think it appropriate for his daughter, whom he was determined would be a lady, to carry knives.)

The flimsy lock gave her no problem at all. She left the door hanging open and went inside the dark building.

Even with the door open the light was too poor to see by, but she didn't dare turn on the lights. And the fact that there was a thousand-year-old dead guy sitting in there somewhere did nothing for her nerves.

Kairi shut her eyes tightly and tried to remember the layout of the building. The door to the hallway should stand about five steps ahead– no, seven.

"_Ow! Shhh…_" she nearly swore when she stubbed her toe on the open hallway door between step four and five. She followed the wall with her hand and walked into the hallway.

_Creak!_

"Shhh!" she shushed the creaky floorboard out of habit. This had to be the worst burgling attempt in the history of the world. In hindsight, she should've spent more time with Chappu.

The room with the rock was at the end of the hallway. She walked face-first into the closed and locked door.

_In with the good air,_ she took a deep breath and let it out. There may not be that much time left. The lock gave as easily as the front door's, and the sweet smell of aging wood and paper wafted out of the room as the door swung open.

She held her hands out at shoulder height; that way if she did run in to the dead guy she wouldn't accidentally touch him. Brrr!

The drawers were easy to find, but she realized that she didn't remember which drawer she needed to look in. The only way to find the stone was to stick her hands into drawers containing who-knows-what.

Luckily the only thing she found in the first drawer was more sculptures, and in the second drawer she hit pay dirt.

"Easy," she sighed. The rosetta stone was the size of a dinner platter and heavy. She cinched her belt tight and unbuttoned the jacket down to the belt. With a grunt she lifted the stone and put it into her jacket and then buttoned it up. "Nice and safe," she said. "And I hope I don't start talking to myself on a regular basis, hehe."

She shut the museum door behind her and leaned against it for a second. A sound from the shadows made her freeze.

Nothing happened for a second, and then a small white duck waddled into the moonlight and inquisitively tilted its head.

Kairi wiped the sweat from her forehead and laughed quietly.

Another duck, this one a little larger, waddled out to join its compatriot. It too tilted its head and stared at her. They looked cute like that, so Kairi leaned over and pet the little one. It didn't shy away.

"_Wak!_" it said. She looked around to see if anyone in the quiet town was alarmed by the noise. But it was just a little duck quacking, what's alarming about that?

Another pair of ducks waddled out of the dark and looked at her.

Then another set of four ducks…

Then eight ducks…

And then _sixteen_…

The number of ducks doubled every couple of seconds.

"This is weird," Kairi said, her eyes darting to the flock of ducks silently waddling around her. She took a tentative step back towards the forest, but found her way barred by a small crowd of hissing ducks.

"I can't stay guys," she said and she tried to step over them. One of the little bastards proceeded to bite her! Okay, it didn't hurt, she wore too much clothing for that, but it was the _principle_ of the matter. In the meantime the street was filling up with ducks. She hopped over the ducks and quickly walked away. A glance over her shoulder let her know that the ducks were following her.

She walked faster and then gave up and flat out ran.

The ducks took flight and attacked.

She ran screaming out of town and through the forest. Every time she tripped the little monsters would land on her and peck. Many of them managed to get at her neck and face and even her fingers. How she managed not to break the rosetta stone in all the confusion she didn't know.

"_Help me!_" she wailed to her boss as soon as she got close enough to the old ruins to see their campfire. The elf didn't disappoint. He nimbly leapt to her defense, swung his staff around his head and knocked several of the ducks out of the air.

"_Waaak!_" the wounded ducks cried. They floated out of the air and burst when they hit the ground, leaving only a clump of white feathers. Kairi picked up a handy tree branch and got in on the action.

The air was filled with feathers and pitiful death cries. Hundreds and hundreds of ducks swarmed around them regardless. Frega shouted something, and immediately most of the flock fell out of the air and thudded to the ground completely frozen through.

The remainder of the attack force burst into little balls of flame that extinguished like colorful fireworks, the cinders fell harmlessly to the ground.

"What… what… what…" Kairi said nervously as she spun around looking for more attackers. Feathers and ash drifted down around them. A fluffy feather landed on Frega's hair and disintegrated in a tiny puff of dust.

"That's got to be the oldest damn summoning spell I've ever seen," Frega said. He appeared nonplussed as always and casually brushed the dust from his shoulders.

* * *

"Okay, Fester. You want to live? You'll have to jump!" Baralai threw open the door. The smell of the rainforest and the roar of the wind filled the car.

"But that'll leave me in the middle of Sherwood Forest!" Fester whined. "There's _monsters_ out there!"

"It's your only chance," Baralai said. Well, he had to admit (at least to himself) that Fester _could_ ingratiate himself on the Mayor, and beg forgiveness. But Baralai wasn't feeling particularly kind today. "You don't want Shadow to come back and slice you in half, do you?" he asked calmly.

"No! I want to _live!_" Fester hugged his bag to his chest.

"Good. The bottle. Please?" Baralai held out his hand. Fester glanced at the rushing track. With a shaky hand he reached into his bag and handed Baralai the love potion. "Good," Baralai pocketed the bottle. "Now your best bet is to roll when you land."

"I can't do this!" Fester said. Baralai pushed him towards the door.

"Here, I'll help you," Baralai said. "Get ready to jump when I tell you. Okay. One… Two…" and he planted his hand on the man's back and shoved him on "two." Fester wailed, fell head over heels and bounced along the ground. Baralai lost sight of him almost immediately, but surely the man survived– he was bleeding and screaming.

_There, I saved an undeserving man's life. That should make up for Garm's murder_, he thought.

* * *

Everyone on the train turned up to eat the free sandwich, including the hobo who'd been hiding in the baggage car. This made it easy to track down the onboard physician and give him the bottle of love potion.

"Well?"

"If this list is accurate," the physician tapped the bottle and looked up in the air. "And I'm pretty sure it is, this company is highly reputable. If the list is accurate, this is mostly a mixture of sugar water; a quote-unquote aphrodisiac; and the mood-elevating narcotic, methamphetamine; plus one percent of one percent of _mist_.

"Your friend doesn't have a heart condition, does she?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Alright then. She should crash in a few hours, expect her to be tired and a little depressed. Try to get her to sleep; watch her, people on amphetamines may engage in risky behaviors, and come and see me if she loses consciousness or stops breathing. She'll probably be fine, though. Just don't let her use any more of this garbage. Throw it out!"

"Thank you, doctor."

Myrna was the center of attention, and chatting up everyone and glowing under the compliments thrown to her. She looked so damned _happy_. Baralai was tempted to try the stuff himself.

_I really should check up on Shadow_, he thought as he headed for the engine.

The ninja was sitting comfortably in the car where they last met, wiping his swords and checking his equipment.

"You're too late," Shadow said.

"That's fine," he answered stiffly. "Was it much of a problem?" Shadow said nothing. "The Mayor is going to be fine."

"Good. And the salesman?"

"Gone."

"Good. For _him_."

"I want to know what the exact terms of the agreement between you and Mayor are."

Shadow sheathed his swords and left without a word.

* * *

"You haven't had some of my sandwich," Myrna shoved a large section of her masterpiece into his hands. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. Are you?" he asked.

"Never better." She leaned in and said softly: "I wish Zeph were here, though. Isn't that strange? I feel so _ecstatic_ and I can't stop thinking about my man at the same time. _Grrrr_. When I get my hands on him!" She shook her fist and then burst into peals of hysteric laughter. "I'm gonna break his legs and make sure he never leaves me _again_," she laughed.

This personal stuff made Baralai slightly uncomfortable, but he did like the idea of Nerd-boy having his legs broken.

"Oh! I met someone!"

"What?" he stopped smiling.

"Someone for _you_. She's _perfect._" She dragged him into the small knot of passengers.

"No. Please no– hello," she brought him to a woman in her thirties who wore too little, but definitely had a lot to flaunt.

"This is Ruby, she's a dancer," Myrna said. Ruby looked him over and smiled politely.

"Hello."

"Well, I've gotta go. Bye!" and she flounced, _flounced_ away.

He and Ruby regarded each other nervously.

"So, you're a friend of Mrs. Unne," Ruby said and waited for him to pick up the conversation.

"Oh, uh, yeah. For years and years…" he said stupidly and struggled mightily to keep his eyes up.

"She's so… _interesting_," Ruby said.

* * *

_I can't believe I got her phone number!_ Baralai kept repeating this to himself. Flirting with women sure was nice.

After cooking up every existing ingredient in the kitchen, packing away a huge quantity of leftovers, and shaking the hand of every passenger, the Mayor finally crashed. He lost track of her soon after she introduced him to Ruby.

He walked in the compartment. She had changed into her lighter summer dress– a fiery red color, an attention-getter. He wondered why she didn't change into it before she threw her impromptu party. He looked away when he realized she wasn't entirely dressed.

"Are you hot?" she asked him, a bit embarrassed to be caught standing there holding her shirt open to catch the breeze from the window. "Sorry about this," she shut her shirt.

"I'm alright," he said.

"It just got _really_ hot in here a few minutes ago. I'm _exhausted_," she said.

"You should be."

She turned the thermostat as far down as it could go. Interceptor and Goliath huddled in the corner, shivering.

"Are you alright?" she asked him. "You were upset about something earlier."

"We have to talk," he said. "Shadow said–"

"Next stop: Mysidia," she interrupted him. "We'll get a couple of hours to wander around! Oh! We should visit some of your friends, I'd love to meet them."

"Yeah, fine, but we have to talk about Shadow."

"So tired," she yawned. "Mind if I take the bench?"

He sighed. Well, the doctor said she'd be tired and to try to get her to sleep. There'd be time to get rid of Shadow later. She stretched out on the bench and faced the wall. Goliath squeaked and crawled up to join her.

The dog looked at him and wagged his tail halfheartedly. Baralai scratched him behind the ears and sat down. He looked around the compartment and wondered what he would do with himself for the next few hours, and then it occurred to him that something in the room was different.

Attention to detail is a very important characteristic for members of the Antiquities Class to have. It's vitally important to catalogue every bit of metal in a horde, missing just one coin can be devastating to the poor soul who gets it by mistake. He must've been tired too, or he'd have noticed the book on the table immediately.

The book had a tattered red cover, the material so thin that the cardboard beneath showed through and frayed at the corners. The edges of the pages were once gilded, but now were a sickly yellow.

"You weren't here when we first got here, were you?" he mumbled to himself. Any one of the passengers could've left it in the compartment by mistake, he reasoned.

He got chills when he picked up the book, and flipped open the cover. On the first page he saw the worn bookplate with a child's scribbled stick figure on it.

"_From the Library of Riku_, _hands off! This means you!_"

He couldn't stop himself from jumping out of his seat and walking briskly down the entire train again. Nothing leaped out at him as out of place or suspicious. The passengers were settling in for the night, and he saw no one new.

They'd been in his _house_, whoever they were, and they wanted him to know it. And they'd used one of his son's books to let him know. Why?

He stopped to calm himself at the last car with the book in hand. A little corner of folded paper stuck out of the pages, the spine crackled when he opened it to the page marked by a fastidiously folded origami star. The illustrations on the pages were those quaint watercolor jobs where all the people were drawn to look like kids with really big heads.

"_King Baron Orders the Raid on Mysidia"_ was the title of the first illustration. Across from the painting of the ancient airships lifting off was _"King Baron Orders Cecil and Kain to Take a Mysterious Package to Mist."_ A couple of pages had been torn out between the two illustrations, but they hadn't been used to make the star, the paper stock was all wrong.

The compartment door beside him slid open.

"Oh! Good evening," the doctor gazed out over his reading glasses. "I thought I heard something. Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr. Baralai?"

"No, doctor, I'm sorry I bothered you. I was looking for someone."

"Just a moment," the doctor stopped him from leaving. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. Would you please join me for a bit of tea?"

"I'm not thirsty, but thank you," Baralai had enough of tea. He stepped into the compartment warily. The doctor had the contents of his luggage all over the place, including his own lamps, which lent an atmosphere of warm bachelor comfort to the place. A tea service sat on the table in the center of the warm lights with a tray of cookies.

"You're a dragoon, aren't you?" the doctor sat himself in the overstuffed chair. "A librarian class or something like that?"

"Antiquarian, actually." It surprised him how close the doctor guessed. Few people knew the distinctions.

"My daughter's a novice in the Order," he said. "Passed the rites two years ago, she's a Lancer."

"Congratulations."

"I _never_ agreed with her choice. And what's going on in Mysidia right now is a good reason why. You haven't heard?"

"I've been dealing with a family emergency of my own," Baralai said.

"Children?"

"Pardon?"

"Do you have any children, sir?" the doctor asked. "Are you sure you don't want any tea?"

"I'm fine, thanks."

"You looked a little lost out there," the doctor said. "I said to myself 'that man's a father, or he just had the scare of his life.' You know you have a little furrow between your eyebrows? If you're particularly vain, I know a surgeon who can fix that."

"Thanks," Baralai said, "but I think I'll just try not to frown so much." The doctor chuckled quietly.

"So Mysidia… Why don't you know what's going on in Mysidia?"

"I don't live there," Baralai said. "I rarely get a chance to check in with the Temple." The doctor sipped his tea.

"But you know about the governor, right?"

"Governor…" he wracked his brain. His grasp of secular politics suffered since he moved away. "Pallazo?"

"Yes. Fellow closed the borders about a month ago."

"Why?"

"No one knows the real reason, but he _said_ it was to keep out the bad element, the people from the forest, whatever that means. Oh, they'll let people in through the official ways, the railroads and the highway, otherwise the Mysidians would starve!

"But you should know that last Friday he had all the dragoons thrown into prison."

"WhatAre you sure?"

"There's a large reward for information leading to the capture of any members they haven't gotten already. I'm heading there to see what I can do to get my daughter out." The doctor handed him a memo from the Portico City Watch, an acknowledgment that the Watch would do everything in its power to help the governor of Mysidia in his search for the fugitive members of the Order.

"This is crazy," Baralai whispered. "Why?"

"I don't know," the doctor took the memo back. "But I suggest that if you have any plain clothes that you change into them before we reach Mysidia."

* * *

Personally, Wakka couldn't say that he'd wondered what it felt like to be thrown into a dryer. Or a blender. Or a tornado. Or any other device that spun things around for the purpose of destroying them. But to anyone who wondered he had this to say:

You hit your head. A lot! And you get scraped up by whatever else is in there with you– rocks, sticks, glass, Stitch... It's not a tolerable experience to say nothing of the noise.

Thankfully this situation didn't go on too long. Once they reached the underground prison the spinning abruptly stopped, and before he had a chance to regain his equilibrium a couple of armed guards picked him up and yelled at him. He didn't understand the language, but they didn't seem to require an answer. They herded him through a badly lit corridor and shoved him into a jail. Lilo and Stitch followed, and soon after he saw Zidane, and Chappu being forced into a nearby cell.

Where was Mog?

All were silent for some time after the guards left, being too dazed to do much other than look around at their drab surroundings.

Concrete walls, concrete floors, and of course, prison bars. Someone believed that this wasn't depressing enough, and had painted all of this over with a coat of gray paint. The whole area was lit by three overhead fluorescent lights, one of which flickered.

In a cell across from the crew a young man around Wakka's age sat with his back to the wall and his hands propped on his knees. He should've had a cigarette to complete the look. He was the picture of cool carelessness.

"Hi there," the boy in the denim outfit with the bandana around his head greeted them. "You're the leader?" he asked Wakka.

"Who wants to know?" Chappu answered. The boy shook his head, the rings in his ears glinted in the dim light.

"The name's Locke Cole. I was sent to help you."

"_You_ help _us?_" Zidane said and shook the sand from his hair. "No offense, but it looks like you could use some help yourself."

"Where are we?" Lilo asked.

"And who sent you?" Chappu asked.

"Who is _that?_" Wakka's voice was faint with awe. Two cells over a gorgeous blonde lay asleep. Her hair was pulled back into two enormous pigtails that sort of fluffed out at the ends. She was dressed provocatively, and expensively.

"It's okay," Locke got up slowly. "You're the kids who stole the ship from the Luna?"

"Maybe," Chappu said.

"_Stole_ is a pretty strong word for what we…" Wakka trailed off and gave up. He pointed at Chappu. "It was all his idea!"

"You've got a lot of guts kid," Locke said to Chappu, who tried not to look at all affected by the compliment. "You should see the amount of attention the Luna have given you on their networks. Bounty hunters and everything!"

"Bounty hunters!" Zidane said.

"There's a _big_ reward!" Locke added.

"How much are we talking about?" Chappu asked.

"Oh-ho! And I'm sure you'd just be happy to "help" us get back to them and collect this reward for yourself!" Zidane accused him.

"Me? Never! I'm with…" and he paused dramatically, "_The Returners._"

"_Dum dum dummm!_" Stitch said. Everyone looked down at him.

"Never heard of 'em," Wakka said.

"I have," Zidane said. "The executives used to complain about them from time to time. They're corporate spies."

"Wrong. A better description would be "Anti-Lunarian Revolutionaries."" Locke grinned.

There was a long silence.

"Oh great," Wakka said sarcastically, "That makes me feel _so much better._"

"And I'll bet you let yourself get planted in this prison," Chappu said with a knowing wink, "just to gain our trust! And you already have an escape arranged for us."

"I don't think we should go anywhere with this guy," Wakka said to Chappu.

"Wait a minute," Locke held up his hands, looked away, and sighed. "This is a little embarrassing…"

"He's in here 'cause of me."

The boys all turned to the girlish voice. The blonde sat up gracefully, fluffed her hair and pouted her lips prettily. One could feel the intelligence of the males in the room being siphoned away.

"You be quiet, Sus," Locke snapped.

"I'm s-sorry, Locke!" Tears formed in her beautiful brown eyes.

"I said leave me alone!"

"But, _Locke!_"

"Hey, stop that," Zidane said.

"Yeah, give her a break," Wakka added.

"I tried to stop him!" Sus sobbed into her hands. "I tried to stop him from coming on this dangerous mission and he got caught 'cause of me-e-e! Uwaaaah!" The wailing went on for a few minutes.

"Stitch!" Lilo hissed. The little creature flattened himself out and crept beneath the sections of bars between each cell until he got to Sus's delicate little feet. Stitch climbed up onto the bench beside Sus and patted her back.

"It's okay," he said. She quickly grabbed and hugged him while she continued to sob into his fur. "There there," he said stroking her hair.

"I j-just care about him s-so much!" she wailed.

"Yeah. Well you can stop caring about me because we're through!" Locke said.

"Um, this isn't any of our business," Wakka said, "but is it really necessary to yell like that?"

"Look at her, she's a mess," Chappu said in an uncharacteristic show of pity.

"There lies trouble, gentlemen," Locke said quietly. "Don't let her fool you– she's _a succubus!_" He sounded more than a little crazy on that point.

"What's a succubus?" Lilo asked.

"I'll tell ya later," Chappu said.

"No, you won't," Wakka ordered. "And there's no call for name-calling, so can we move _on_? Why are you here, really?"

"We were aware that you were in trouble with the Luna," Locke looked relieved to drop the subject of the weepy Sus. "And since we are a dedicated bunch of militants; down with the Luna, and all that; we thought we'd help you."

"Just like that?" Chappu crossed his arms and regarded the boy skeptically. "Out of the kindness of your hearts?"

"Out of the _hatred_ of our hearts. Anything to inconvenience the accursed Luna!"

"You're a thief, aren't you?" Zidane said suddenly. Locke choked and Wakka could swear he heard Sus giggle, but when he turned to look she still had her face buried in Stitch's fur.

"I'm a professional treasure hunter," he corrected.

"Thief," Chappu and Zidane agreed.

"Do you want out of here or not?" Locke asked impatiently. "Every second you stay here gives your pursuers that much more time to find you."

"We won't leave without Mog," Zidane said.

"I didn't intend to," Locke growled. He pulled a lock pick from his headband and reached through the bars. With careful precision he inserted the pick into the keyhole.

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	12. 11 With Catlike Tread

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

With Cat-like Tread is by and copyright Gilbert & Sullivan, from their play The Pirates of Penzance.

* * *

**With Cat-like Tread**

"Here you go, _sir_," Kairi held out the rosetta stone.

"Keep it. It's for you. _Now,_ what's the matter?" he asked irritably.

"I'm a thief. I just..."

"Compulsory crime is hardly a crime," he said all-knowingly. "Last night's exercise–"

"A disaster," she said.

"Don't interrupt."

"Yes, sir."

"Last night's exercise was a test. I've seen all I need to in order to safely conclude that you are useless to yourself. _Shockingly useless._"

Kairi glowered.

"From this day forward you are going to devote two hours every morning, after you fix my breakfast, to the readings I assign you. Afterwards you will practice your writing, and the rest of the day will be spent learning," here he rolled his eyes and sneered, "_woodcraft._ Godfrey! What _did_ your parents teach you?"

"Lots of things, like... ethics...," Kairi tried to rally. She didn't like it when Frega talked about her parents like this. "Whatever, I don't want to be a wizard, sir!"

"_A wizard?_" he snickered. "To become a wizard takes years of study, practice, and a single-minded dedication. It also requires more intelligence than you've shown so far! There's no way you'll ever be a wizard, unless by some miracle you meet the Dragon King.

"But you may do alright as a simple mage," he said quietly. "So do your best, and maybe there will come a day when you will no longer have to rely on others."

"I can take care of myself!" she argued, but he snorted and shook his head.

"If that were the case, you wouldn't be here with me. So pay attention, Girl Friday, welcome to the School of Life! But before I teach you anything," he said, and scratched his chin. "We'll have to take certain _precautions_. Let's begin the ceremony."

* * *

"This glowing thing is my _soul_?" Kairi asked doubtfully a half an hour later.

"Yes. Proof positive that even you have one," Frega said.

Kairi turned the onion in her palm one way and then the other. She had put her soul (if she believed Frega) in this magical onion– how did carving a grinning face on a hollow onion make it magical?

"Take good care of that," Frega warned after the simple impromptu ceremony ended.

"Why'd I have to put my soul in an onion? Is this really how black magic is taught? How weird!"

"Of course it's weird, it's magic!" Frega said as he packed up the candles and various items of dark power from the ceremony. "You are right, though, this isn't the usual way its taught. This is more or less on par with the Kenobi Jedi Correspondence College."

"Huh?"

"We're in a hurry, so we'll– or rather, _you_ will be consorting with the dark powers in exchange for fast and relatively easy power. You won't get a complete education, and it's dangerous, but effective. Until you've mastered basic magic, you'd better keep your soul in that onion to keep it from being corrupted or stolen or misused. Understand?"

"This looks silly," she held up the onion, with Kairi's soul giving it a glowing eyes and mouth effect, so that Frega could appreciate the oddity. But maybe this kind of thing was normal for an elf.

"Just put it on this chain," he handed her a very thick silver chain. "You can wear it around your neck, or clip it to your belt– I started a trend like that while I was in college…."

"But look at this thing! It's ridiculous!" she shook the onion, it's leafy stem (she thought of it as the hair) flailed around. "I don't wear jewelry this _big_."

"Are you saying you're too good for your soul?" he arched an eyebrow.

Kairi looked again at the onion.

"Seriously. Is this a joke?"

Frega rapped her sharply on the head.

"Dark powers," she sneered when she was alone with her onion. Yet she did feel a little different, maybe there was something to it.

"Hurry up, Girl Friday," Frega called to her. She scrambled to finish packing up their campsite. "We've got an altar to hit by sunset! Spit-spot!"

Another day dragged on as they pushed their way deeper into the forest. Frega immediately took them off the paths, saying that if people were smart they avoided the places he intended to go.

"Swell," Kairi muttered as she prepared for more climbing and falling through uncut thicket. Frega didn't seem to have any problems, around midday he leaped into the bush and came up with a screeching rabbit in her hands.

"Hungry for a little fresh meat?" Frega asked with a wry smile.

"No!" she was appalled by the suggestion. "Poor wittle bunny." He bit its' head off and silenced it forever. _Maybe I should've eaten the bunny_, she thought later when she figured out that Frega intended to skip lunch and dinner. Kairi didn't complain, though, not once.

"Aha! At last, the Altar of the Fire Demon Ifrit," Frega pointed out a giant slab of stone upon a mossy altar. They skirted the uniformly spaced boulders that surrounded the altar and climbed up the short flight of stairs, dropped their packs, and stretched for a moment. "Just in time," Frega said. "He's very fond of sunsets, you know."

"Nice," Kairi sighed. She slumped to the ground and fanned herself with her hat. "So, how's this summoning business work anyway? Unholy sacrifices? Virgin blood...?" She swallowed hard.

"Amateur stuff! You simply deposit four bits and make a call." He dug a couple of silver coins out of his pocket and dropped them on the altar. "Yoo-hoo! Ring-ring! Paging Mister Ifrit!" he tapped the stone with is staff.

A pillar of fire erupted from the stone.

Kairi scrambled to her feet and let out a continuous scream that leapt an octave when she saw the horned devil step down out of the flame with dainty hop.

"Hey! Fry! Long time no see!" the devil said.

"Lookin' good, buddy!" Frega answered back. They turned to the screaming apprentice.

"Teaching again, eh?"

"Only out of necessity."

"Is she going to keep doing that? I mean, I assume that's a lady, it's so hard to tell these days with the fashions, you know what I mean?"

"Girl Friday, stop that, you're being rude to our guest!" He nudged her with his staff.

"I think she's getting to the end of her–"

Kairi fainted.

* * *

"What an adorable little, uh, what do they call 'em?"

"She's a child," Frega said, helping her back up. "But we're working on making an adult out of her. Girl Friday, this is my old friend, The Immortal Demon Ifrit."

"But you can call me Quacky," he held out a claw. Not knowing what else to do she shook it. "Say, that's a nice scream you got there, would you interested in doing a little recording?"

"You've got a new part-time job?" Frega asked.

"Oh yeah, I've put out a couple of hip-hop albums, you know, 'slappin' my bitch' that kind of thing. It's all about _image_, and everybody wants a piece of the Ifrit. I still do the whole "fire god" thing, I mean, _come on_ it's like getting paid for breathing!" Ifrit laughed, each expiration of breath left smoke-rings in the air. "So, little girl, you wanna control fire?"

"I, I guess," Kairi said shyly.

"Got any virgins on you?"

"No _sir!_" Kairi jumped back.

"Quit fooling around, Quacky," Frega said. "What do you require in exchange for awesome power?"

"Ah, that's okay. Since you and I go way back I'll do a freebie," he cracked his enormous knuckles, the sound reminded her of snapping tree limbs.

"Please, don't disrupt the ancient traditions on _my_ account. I don't want to give my apprentice the wrong impression, we're taking the shortcut as it is. Perhaps you could give her a nigh impossible task to carry out?"

"You mean... like a side quest?" Kairi asked.

"What are you talking about? We don't have time for quests!" Frega snapped.

"Well," Ifrit shrugged. "I guess she could get away with doing me a _favor_."

"A real favor? Not some made up busy work."

"You really want me to suffer, don't you?" Kairi muttered.

"This is a little embarrassing...," Ifrit said.

"Go on," Frega rubbed his hands together and smiled.

"My beautician quit this morning," Ifrit explained. Frega's smile faltered. "And I've got a video shoot tonight, I need someone to wax my back."

Kairi could hear the first crickets of the evening strike up their monotonous song.

"Wax... your... _back?_" Kairi made a face.

"You want the Elvaan Fire, you wax my back," Ifrit said with a nod.

"Deal!" Frega grabbed Ifrit's hand (claw) and they shook on it.

"But I'm not a licensed beautician," Kairi argued weakly.

"Don't insult our benefactor, Girl Friday," Frega grabbed her by the arm and propelled her toward the woods. "Go get some beeswax and get waxing!"

* * *

"This is stupid," Kairi complained as she stuck her arm into the hive yet again. The demon was _enormous_, she probably needed a lot of wax. "So stupid– _ow!_" she scratched her arm again, and probably picked up a splinter to boot.

The bit of wax she managed to get from the hive she carried back to the Altar in one of her pockets.

"Took you long enough," Frega complained.

"I really appreciate this," Ifrit said and he turned around. Having practiced waxing her own lip, Kairi was a practiced hand and the process took only a few minutes.

"There, smooth as silk!" Kairi patted the great back.

"No kidding!" Ifrit agreed with a smile. "Fry, you think you could spare her again in a couple of months?"

"We'll see, Quacky, we'll see," Frega said.

_Oh no-o-o-o, _she cried on the inside while keeping her bright smile plastered on her face.

"Alrighty. The Elvaan Fire..." Ifrit bent down until he was nose to nose with Kairi.

_I hope this doesn't involved open-mouth kissing_, she thought.

"Open you mouth and close your eyes, you're gonna get a big surprise," Ifrit said happily.

Kairi swallowed hard and closed her eyes.

"No peeking! That goes for you too, Fry!" Ifirit warned. She squinched her eyes shut and opened her mouth.

A warm, sweet marshmallow was placed on her tongue. She opened her eyes. Ifrit had a dozen of the marshmallows arranged on a branch and roasted them over a small flame he held at his fingertips.

"You should stay for s'mores," he said.

"Ha ha, you big galoot," Frega said humorlessly. "The Elvaan Fire? Did you give it to her?"

"Don't worry, ya little cretin, I gave it to her... in marshmallow form. Isn't that nifty? I've been experimenting with–"

"_Yaah! It bu-u-urns!_" Kairi shrieked. Blue flame enveloped her body, and if she hadn't been too busy diving to the ground and rolling around she would've realized that it wasn't consuming her clothes or her for that matter. "_I'm on fire! I'm on fire!_"

"Excitable little thing, isn't she?" Ifrit said to Frega as they watched her roll across the ground. "It's fine, darling! It's okay!" he tried to calm her down.

"Kids," Frega harrumphed.

* * *

He had four sets of clothes: his work uniform, basically a business suit for all occasions; his fancy ceremonial uniform; his flowery shirt and bermuda shorts, pretty much all he wore on his days off anymore; and his _practical_ clothes. There were plenty of instances in his career where it made things go a lot smoother for him if he wasn't identified as a dragoon (or a beach bum) on sight. That didn't mean that he didn't feel odd, when he wore his casual clothes he always felt like he was in disguise. It was the most drab, boring outfit in the world, a sturdy work shirt and an equally heavy pair of trousers. He kept his boots out of sheer stubbornness.

Myrna gave him a questioning look when he came out of the bathroom but said nothing. She was busy reading to Goliath from the storybook. Shadow was nowhere in sight, as usual, but Interceptor was gone as well.

"What's wrong?" Myrna asked him.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" he asked.

"You look, I don't know, peeved. Did I do something to offend you last night?" she asked.

"No," he sat down and tried not to look at the offending book. There was no need to frighten the Mayor, besides, whoever left it put in a lot of effort to scare him and sooner or later he'd catch them when they tried again.

* * *

They stepped onto the platform as the City Guard ordered the passengers to do and stood in line to get through customs.

He'd spent all of his adolescence in the city. After he'd been expelled from The Center, the headmaster sent him to the Temple of St. Kain in the hopes that the knights could curb his explosive temper. No matter how much he hated going to the Temple to fill out paperwork, he always liked entering the city and smelling that unique mixture of mountain air and cottage industry, it felt like home.

He took a deep breath of the city are and choked.

"Was there a fire recently?" he asked the customs agent. The woman blinked up at him and giggled nervously.

"Whatever do you mean?" she asked shrilly and stamped his passport twice. "Move along sir!" she ordered before he could question her again.

"Do you have anything to declare?" the customs agent asked the Mayor.

"I'm a little _depressed_," the Mayor said. The customs agent's lip curled. He clearly didn't like people who dicked around with the process.

"Any vegetables or fruit?"

"Just this," she pulled a bunch of bananas from her pack. "I was going to make banana bread." The customs agent groaned.

"Please fill out this form… and this form… and these… and sign and date this." He shoved a thick sheaf of forms into her hands.

"Just for _bananas?_"

"And I'll have to confiscate those."

"Kii?" Goliath poked his head out of his carrying pouch and blinked sleepily.

"Just peachy, and an exotic pet as well. Is there anything else?" the customs agent huffed.

"Kii?" Goliath asked again.

"Customs," the Mayor said to the dragon.

"Excuse me," Baralai decided to try and hurry things along. But since he couldn't just give the guy a brusque "Temple Business" reply he had to try and do it the way civilians do. "I have an appointment, is there any way to speed this up?"

He did not like the look the customs agent gave him.

"Perhaps..." the customs agent held out his hand.

"You want... a tip?" Myrna asked. Baralai sighed and reached for his wallet. "No!" Myrna suddenly grasped the situation. "A _bribe!_ How dare you sir! This is outrageous, this is corruption! _You make me sick!_"

The man picked up the phone receiver and said into it: "Get the dogs!"

"Now, I don't think there's any need to lose our heads here," Baralai attempted to reason.

"Who are you?" The man poked him viciously in the shoulder.

"He's my brother-in-law," the Mayor said.

"Let me see your passport!" Baralai sighed and handed the man his passport. "You sure do spend a lot of time in the city," he said suspiciously. "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a courier," he answered as calmly as his rising temper would allow.

"Where do you reside?"

"Beautiful Destiny Island," the Mayor said cheerfully. The agent looked at her and opened her passport.

"_You_ don't travel much, do you? What's your business in Mysidia?"

"We didn't plan on getting off here, you guys made us." The agent glowered at her. "We're headed to Zanarkand," she added.

"With bananas?"

Baralai ground his teeth.

"We're simply travelers on a business trip, sir," the Mayor said, seeing their chance to slip away without a strip search dwindle to nothing. The agent roughly took Myrna by the elbow.

"Step this way, you two!"

"Now see here! How dare you handle me like this!" The Mayor objected.

A high-pitched squeak stopped the incident in its tracks. Goliath tore out of the pouch, spread his wings and hissed at the customs agent. The agent blinked at the furious little dragon with his flared fins, tiny maw, and his flushed complexion. Goliath darted at the man's face and bit him on the cheek. Myrna and Baralai watched as the agent's eyes watered and stopped focusing while his expression just dissolved into a slack grin.

"Myrna!" Baralai hissed. The Mayor delicately touched the dragon's narrow back.

"Shh! It's okay, you got him," she said soothingly. Goliath unhooked his claws from the agent's shirt and leaped onto the front of her dress.

"Well, thank you for making this as painless as possible, good sir!" The Praetor said loudly. "You should be commended for your exceptional customer service skills. I assume we are allowed to continue on our way?"

"Move along," the customs agent said dreamily. They wasted no time getting out of there.

"You showed him, didn't you?" the Mayor pet Goliath's head and held his trembling little body.

"I don't believe this. We were only here for maybe _ten minutes_ and we're already in trouble!" Baralai looked around the offices. The customs office, like all buildings in Mysidia, had an ancient structure covered over with newer improvements to the architecture. He could see that just recently the whole building had been reinforced like a prison.

Things were really bad in Mysidia.

* * *

Mysidia, city of cobblestone streets and gay flower boxes; cutesy boutique stores and sidewalk cafes; modern plumbing and quaint idealism.

On a quiet street in the southern part of the residential area, Baralai and the Mayor walked cautiously down the street attempting to look like they had every right in the world to be there.

"Quiet neighborhood," Myrna commented.

"Everybody works during the day around here," Baralai said.

"So what now?"

There were a couple of places that may be safe from the Governor. The Order had many friends and many places to hide. She and Goliath could stay with his old friend Capuciné until the train could leave.

"I know someone who can help us out," he said, "just follow me–"

He was interrupted by a shrill cry. They both spun around to confront whatever danger was headed their way, which turned out to be... a small, willowy woman in a tight waitress uniform running down the street towards them, shrieking the entire way.

"_Sus!" _Baralai added a whine to the end of her name.

She had changed the color of her hair from black to blonde and gotten contacts, but she looked as fresh and innocent as ever. The piercing shriek was his name, repeated at a high frequency. Sus dashed down the street and leapt onto him, wrapping her legs around his chest and rained kisses on him.

"You came back! You're back! Oh, baby, I… uh…" she looked at the incredibly surprised Mayor standing to his right, blinked, and released the poor man.

"Hello," Myrna said, smoothly stepping in when Baralai failed to move, "My name is Mrs. Myrna Unne. But most people just call me Mayor."

Sus relaxed and offered her hand.

"My name's Sus," she said, "I'm Bari-bear's _fiancée_."

"_Fiancée?_" Myrna nudged him with her elbow. "You old dog! I didn't know you were engaged!" she said playfully, though he knew her long enough to know that what she was probably thinking was: _What the hell, Baralai? She's what? Twenty?_

He couldn't answer. He was frozen with fear, shocked by the occurrence of so remote a possibility, horrified that it actually happened. Sus was _here!_ Why did he think he could avoid her? _She was everywhere! _What would be the trigger to one of her unreasonable, immoral destructive mode? Who knew?

_The horror…_

During this mental barrage of panic and more panic he stood completely still with his mouth hanging open. The women stared at him.

"So," Myrna broke the silence. "You must be the one Baralai said could help us out."

"Oh, yeah, the thing with the Order!" Sus said. "Ya'll are probably wanting to stay off the streets right now."

"So I hear," Myrna said. "Huh, politics. Go figure."

"Yeah, politics. But I'd love to help you out!" Sus bounced, making Baralai's head swim. "Me and Bari were really, you know, _on_, but then he had to leave on account of my getting knocked up–"

Myrna's eyes flew wide open at that.

"_Excuse me?_" she choked.

"It turned out to be a false alarm, and I knew, he was just in shock, and that he's _so sweet_ and _so forgiving_ he'd come back to me one day. Right, Bari-bear?" She laid her head gently against his chest.

Myrna gave him a deadly look, hell, he could practically see the little flames dancing in her pupils.

"But he's back now," Sus said. "Don't think badly of him. He was just scared! He's like a _wittle_ bunny..."

Baralai's mind was stuck in neutral. If he said the wrong thing and angered Sus, she'd run to the City Guard and both he and the Mayor would spend the rest of their shortened lives getting racked, burned, beaten, and worse.

"I think he's in shock," Myrna said. She looked so _indifferent_.

"Let's take him to my house, it's not far." The ladies led him up the street to a lovely cottage decorated with art nouveau nymphs and a hedge of vibrant flowers.

"How long ago was this pregnancy scare?" Myrna asked as they led him in the front door.

"Oh, it's been, what? A little over a year," Sus said.

"You poor thing," Myrna said. "You weren't all alone, were you?"

"I have no family, if that's what you mean," Sus said. Myrna gave him another look that could sterilize a man in concentrated doses.

"I can... _explain?_" he said weakly.

"Baby, you don't have to explain, all is forgiven! I'm so glad to see you again," Sus said and she kissed him.

* * *

They found themselves in the costume department.

"Alright, disguises!" Chappu dug through the wardrobe in a matter of minutes. "Hey, pirates! We could disguise ourselves as pirates!"

"That wouldn't work," Locke said. "The pirates are part of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Methinks people would look askance at a bunch of buccaneers wandering around in the general area."

Sus squealed and pulled out a couple of extravagant gowns.

"I suggest, if you want to get your moogle back and then sneak back to your ship in Paradise Cove, that we dress up in these!" Locke held up a large furry duck costume. The Altoona's crew groaned.

"These are too tall for me," Chappu complained after he stepped into the feet part of the giant duck costume. Wakka lifted Lilo and set her on his shoulders. Stitch hopped onto Zidane's shoulders. Locke set the giant heads on the costumes and appraised them.

"Hmm. We got a duck, a dog... Wakka, you'll be the jerk in the middle." He threw the slammed the giant cartoon head on top of the hapless Captain.

"What are you dressing up as?" Lilo asked.

"I have the best costume," Locke said, zipping up his jumpsuit. "I'm a janitor."

"Ouch! Stop kicking your feet! And you're pulling my hair!" Chappu said to Lilo from inside the stomach of the Duck costume.

"It's tickling my nose! My arms don't fit in the arms of the costume," Lilo complained.

"Just let 'em hang limp," Zidane said.

Two security guards ran past them towards the jail.

"Let's go," Wakka said quickly. "Sus, are you coming?"

Sus stepped out of the racks wearing a huge blue ball gown. She patted her hair.

"What do you think? Am I too bosom-y for this thing?" She patted the dress down to show off her curves to their full advantage.

"Uhhh..."

"Hey! Keep it together," Locke slapped Wakka and snarled at Sus. "And _you._ Knock that off! It's show time!"

"I don't feel as if I've adequately prepared for this part–" Zidane began.

"_Move!_" Locke pushed him towards the stairs.

They wandered out into the organized pandemonium that was DizzyWorld.

* * *

"This place is _huge_," Wakka collapsed on a bench after they spent three and a half hours weaving through the crowd and putting off children who wanted to talk to the Princess.

"_I can't take any more!_ It's too hot. I'm taking this stupid costume off," Chappu yelled. He and Lilo desperately tore their way out of the duck costume gasping for air.

"This could be okay, there are so many people here they might not be recognized," Wakka said to the others, "Besides, we don't want our two youngest to get heat stroke."

"You're so considerate and it's sweet how you look out for your friends," Sus said to him, "Do you handle children a lot?"

Chappu and Lilo looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Chappu froze.

"Hey guys," he said slowly. Wakka turned his head to see what his brother was looking at.

Cid Highwind stood with his back to them, chewing out the young ninja who glared.

"-too damn old for you!" Cid was saying.

"I'm old enough to not need a babysitter, Old Man," she shouted back. "How old could he possibly be anyway, and why would it matter? I'm just using him to get back at Leon!"

They were too deeply involved in their argument to notice the objects of their search just a few yards away.

"Let's get out of here," Wakka said, picking up Lilo and putting her back on Chappu's shoulders. Once they were back in their costume they scurried away through the crowd.

"Are we almost to where they're keeping Mog?" Wakka asked Locke.

"Look! We're almost to the monorail station," Locke pointed toward the raised track behind several blocks of buildings. "That's where they'd send him, this place is always hurtin' for maintenance people."

The group scurried as fast as they could.

"Ouch! _Hey! Ick!_" Zidane cried. A huge glob of ice cream slid down the back of the dog costume. The dog head turned completely around and roared. Stitch's glowing eyes peering through the holes at the little brat who had thrown the offending ice cream. The boy gasped and ran away screaming.

"_Rahr!_" Stitch growled.

"We extraterrestrial life forms have to stick together," ZIdane said.

"Ych!"

"I don't think Lilo's gonna stay conscious for much longer," Chappu said, the top of the duck costume leaned dangerously forward.

"I'm... okay... never give up... never... _surrender!_" Lilo panted. Locke and Sus grabbed her before she could tumble to the pavement.

"We could ditch the costumes and hide out in that crowd," Zidane said, meaning the crowd around the outdoor concert at the pavilion next to the monorail station.

It was a showcase night for the Butterfly Pavilion at DizzyWorld. As the crew neared the crowd they caught the last half of the strains of _Cruel Summer_ by the Delta Sisters.

"Wow," Chappu said. He stared at the lithe girls as they rhythmically undulated on stage. "They look so, uh… clean and... uh-_huh-huh-huh_ wholesome."

"_Focus_!" Wakka ordered.

"_Aw-Yeah!_ Shake that moneymaker!" Chappu shouted and threw a gil onto the stage. Wakka was so embarrassed.

"You're _sad_," Lilo said.

"I'm appreciating their craft!" Chappu said magnanimously. "Burlesque dancing is highly underappre–"

"Sad," Lilo said again and tsked, "Sad, sad, sad." Zidane got a wicked grin and whispered into Lilo's ear. She giggled.

"What?" Chappu said archly.

"Nothing." Lilo and Zidane giggled behind their hands.

"Guys, I don't want to hear it," Wakka said in an attempt to head off an argument.

"I hate this place!" Chappu whined. "This place is _spooky_!"

"Yeah," Sus agreed, "And people here are too grabby." She slapped another hand away from her rear.

"I think I see Mog," Zidane said. "Up there!"

They pushed their way to the front of the stage where they saw Mog taping down a couple of wires. He looked as angry as a moogle could be, but helpless with a huge chain around his legs.

"Excuse me?" Wakka said to the oldest member of the DizzyWorld maintenance personnel. "That's _our_ moogle."

The man turned to look at Mog and then looked back at Wakka.

"So?"

"So I want him back," Wakka said.

"Why don't you just get a new one. _Finders keepers_, you know."

"He's our friend!" Zidane said. "Not a _thing_."

"Moogles aren't exactly _people_," the man noted, "And besides, since he's been here we haven't had one single accident."

"Look, mister," Wakka said. "He's ours and we're not leaving without him!"

"Don't waste your breath, guys," Zidane said. "People like this aren't worth the trouble."

"Give us back our moogle!" Lilo yelled and kicked the man ineffectually in the shins.

The man laughed as Lilo tried to fight him. He just laughed and laughed.

"Oh! You've got moxie, little lady," he wiped a tear from his eye. "Okay. You want him that badly, you can have him. But there's one thing you gotta do first..."

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	13. 12 Give Me Novacaine

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

Give Me Novacaine is by and copyright Green Day, from their album American Idiot.

* * *

**Give Me Novacaine**

"And now that you have officially taken the sacred onion of office and received the Elvaan Fire you are officially a black mage apprentice," Frega said as they left the calling stone. "Well done. Here's your first text book."

"Wow," she said and then spat again. She was still trying to get the taste of vanilla with a habanero pepper aftertaste out of her mouth. Kairi took the thin book and opened it to the title page.

"_Welcome to the exciting world of Black Magic! This volume has been printed on recycled paper._

"_Congratulations! If you have been allowed to read this then you have successfully been inducted into an exclusive occupation unscathed. Although the Black Wizard's Council does not condone the 'quick and easy' methods the reader has evidently chosen we respect your right to endanger your own immortal soul and would like to take this opportunity to inform you that the BWC bears no responsibility for damages incurred upon the person, property and the persons of the user's loved ones."_

"Hey!"

"What? Don't give me that look," Frega said. "The Council's warnings are always way over the top if you ask me."

"_Before we begin you should note the following: WARNING!_

"_Beginning spell casters are notoriously bad marksmen. While you adjust to your new ability here are some guidelines:_

"_1. Do not stand near flammable materials. Try to avoid gas stations, and if possible, give up using mass transportation for the time being, especially airship travel!_

"_2. Avoid large populations._

"_3. Do not handle valued possessions. Especially electronics, the Black Wizards Council will not accept any responsibility on the part of the students if they damage or destroy personal or public property._

"_4. Museums._

"_6. Forests– please for the love of all the gods, both evil and benign, stay out of the forests!_

"Wow. This would've been nice to know a day ago."

"Yeah," Frega sighed. "Well, let's get the fun started!"

* * *

Fun. Yeah right.

After a week of hard work she hadn't produced a true fire this time either. Her master was losing patience. He claimed that even the worst students got this spell after a couple of hours. Today he tried to motivate her by making her target the evening's campfire. The sooner Kairi lit the fire, the sooner they'd eat. Hopefully it'd work, because she didn't look like she had that much flesh to spare.

"What are you doing now? We don't have time for you to play with toys!" Frega huffed.

"I'm trying to relax," she snapped at him as she tightened a bolt with the mini-ratchet. The Legot Sphere Ifrit had laughingly given her to keep her from flipping out and killing Frega. Not that she'd ever succeed in _that_ anyway.

Legot Spheres were a new product on the Dwarf toy market; they were puzzle games roughly the size of a bowling ball. They came with a set of tools to use on the various nuts and bolts. The purpose was to test your natural engineering instinct and solve the puzzle without resorting to Cheat Instructions. She'd already loosened all of the bolts that kept the outside shell together and had gotten to the second layer and the extra pieces that were contained within. If she could get to the center and reassemble the pieces of the puzzle correctly then she'd get a prize from the Legot Company.

"I can't think when you're yelling at me anyway. You're making me nervous," she snarled at him. He knocked her off her feet with a smooth punch that would leave a sizable bruise.

"Insolent, gutless brat," he muttered. He shoved his hat onto his head and whirled away. "I'm going to look for some roots. Work on that fire while I'm gone, and remember, use the right verb tense or you're wasting your breath."

"_Jerk_!" she sniffled and rubbed at her eyes. At least she could calm down without Frega looking over her shoulder. Elvish was devilishly hard to master.

_I'm just not mage material._ _I can't do anything useful._ She wished for the millionth time that none of this had happened and put the Legot Sphere away.

In the past week she discovered that living off the land was not as easy as the people on tv made it look. She couldn't cook half so well as Mom (especially without the aid of a _fire_,) but she did recall a great number of cooking principles and recipes. That was nice, and it probably saved them both from death by food poisoning.

The hard part was getting used to being filthy. She got a chance to bathe and wash her clothes _once_, in a stream. No hair care products, no deodorant. Frega insisted that she no longer smelled like a bad perfume factory exploded, but she didn't feel clean. And no matter how often she scraped under her nails she always had some dirt under them. He caught her picking at them and ordered her to trim them down to a respectable length. The insects were problematic too, but at least they could do something about that.

"This will keep the bloodsuckers away," Frega gave her a small pouch that smelled pretty nice. "Now stop whining. You're making good progress." He lied, but it worked. She thrilled at the praise, and felt ashamed of herself for doing so. It amazed her how well they got along after the theft incident. In better circumstances, they could've been friends– for real friends.

Until they got to the business of magic– god, he was impossible! _Magic _was impossible! Maybe that's why Dad never encouraged her to become a white mage– maybe he recognized that she had no talent. And white mages spent at least five years in study before they learned the basic cure spell. Healers had to learn things like anatomy and biochemistry and loads of other things before they were allowed to screw around with living bodies. Black magic was supposed to be the easy discipline! Black mages didn't have to worry about putting organs back together or keeping people alive.

Kairi slowly ran through the fire spell again, and tried with all her might to focus her will on the target. Nothing happened.

She sat down and stared at the pile of kindling.

"_Burn, dammit!_" she hissed. She even stood up and struck a dramatic pose, one arm stretched towards the fire pit. "_I command you!_" she stagily spat out the magic incantation.

The kindling lay there... not burning. Dammit!

Frega came back an hour later. He looked a little droopy, almost remorseful.

"Would you like a nice, tasty rat-cicle?" Frega asked quietly. She got the feeling this was as close to an apology she was going to get. He held up the poor frozen rat by the tail. Kairi shook her head.

"No, thank you, but I could really go for some hot dogs." She tried to convince herself that the rat didn't look _at all_ appetizing. Nope, not one bit.

"Yech! You're better off eating raw rat," Frega stuck out his tongue. "I found some mushrooms too."

"Mushrooms could be good," Kairi smiled and took the proffered fungi, a collection of beautiful red and white specimen with caps the size of her palm.

"Mmm, _smurf stew_," Frega licked his chops, and Kairi wondered what a "smurf" was, but decided she was probably better off not knowing. As long as they weren't poisonous, she'd eat them.

Since they had fresh mushrooms Frega wasn't about to let them go to waste, he lit the fire himself and they both had a hot meal that night. Afterwards he had her braiding rope, of all the stupid things, while he climbed the trees to look for some birds to eat.

The dark forest creeped her out, she got as close to the fire as she could without catching her little bit of rope on fire.

"What's next? Am I gonna have to build a tent?" she muttered to herself. "Although, a tent _would_ be nice." She could hear the other nocturnal animals climbing through the trees above her, and she pulled her hat further down over her head. "Maybe I'll have to shave the lightning god's tongue– _ooh!_ Or clip a Titan's toenails..."

Frega dropped out of the tree.

"Put the fire out. I found an inn," he said.

* * *

The Inn on the Outs was a solitary, slumping, rustic cabin in the middle of the forest. Too far from any town to be visited by humans, it catered to a different sort of crowd. The wide variety of life forms in the pub made her feel a little nervous. They walked up to the bar and she perched on the too-narrow barstool. The barkeep, a feline-looking fellow with a milky eye, nodded and reached under the bar and put a couple of mugs on the bar.

"Wine?" he rumbled.

"Moscotto for my apprentice," Frega nodded to Kairi. "I'll take whatever Chardonnay you've got."

"Not this again," Kairi said as the barkeep emptied the bottle into her mug.

"It's good for you," Frega said.

"No it isn't! Dad _says_–"

"Be a good little _elf_," Frega kicked her shin. "And take your medicine. _Nurse it,_" he hissed in her ear. Kairi took a cautious sip of her wine rather than argue.

The Inn door was flung open and nine tall strangers in black cowls glided into the Inn. She could swear they brought along a choir. Everyone in the bar looked around for the source of the wailing dirge. The temperature dipped dramatically, and Kairi's skin prickled as they passed the bar and headed for a marked table in the corner of the pub. Eight of the strangers sat down and laid their swords against the table. One pulled out a deck of cards and shuffled.

"Ah, now that's what I need! A round of poker," Frega hopped down. "Stay here and be a good _elf_, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Kairi grumped, "Elf good, humie bad."

"Damn straight," he said. He went over to the table and joined the poker game.

The next two hours passed very slowly. She drank her wine, started a second mug, and worked on her rope. The patrons ignored her for the most part, until the nice ringwraith fellow at the end of the bar sent her a bottle of beer and she invited him to join her.

"H'lo," she said shyly.

"Hey," the wraith said.

He turned out to be very pleasant, his name was Mervin, and he used to be a king or something before his career change to undead-sin-against-nature.

"It's not a bad life, really," Mervin said. "Company pays for transportation and I get a access to all the best vacation spots. Last year I went to Eriador, it was nice, but I wouldn't want to live there. Too much of a tourist trap if you ask me."

"I hear ya," Kairi said. She was getting a little tipsy, as this was her the end of her second mug (bottle) of Moscotto. "I grew up in a... _teeny_ little place, and believe me, with all the pi– er, tourists coming and going– hic– felt like I lived in a carnival or something. My boyfriend... my boyfriend and I were gonna run away."

"Boyfriend?'

"Oh, it didn't work out," she slurred. "I remember _exactly_ wha' happened..." She stuttered out a random retelling of the entire Mouse King debacle. "And then he ditched me… rotten bastard. _Men! _They all stick together and they never grow up! Magic sword my ass!" Kairi finished off her wine and slammed the mug down.

"_Magic swords!_" Mervin said bitterly. "Don't even get me started. I carry a sword, but that's 'cause it's part of the suit." He held up the chipped, rusty blade. "Nothing magical here! I don't even need it, you know, 'cause I'm such a bad-ass, so I just carry it around until it falls apart. But I'm always running into guys who are all: 'Taste my enchanted steel!' And I'm thinkin': 'Dude! That's _so _pornographic! Why are you always trying to stick crap into me?'"

"Who needs fickle men? Maybe _I_ should get a sword," Kairi said and hiccuped. "_Self_ reliance!"

"Annoying humans..." Mervin grumbled. "Now elves. They're alright in my book."

"Hey, I, uh… was raised by humans!"

"Geez. I'm sorry," Mervin said. "Say, why don't you let me buy you a whiskey shot to apologize."

Kairi didn't know what whiskey tasted like, and hell, she was feeling pretty adventurous by now. Mervin ordered the shots and threw a couple of gold coins on the bar. When the shots arrived she sniffed the amber liquid suspiciously.

"_Cheers_!" Mervin toasted and downed the shot. "Ah! I feel like dancin'!" He glided over to the jukebox and in moments the strains of _Tequila_ pounded out in the bar. Mervin jumped onto a table and swayed awkwardly.

"Well, how much worse than wine could it be?" Kairi said to herself, and she drank down the entire shot.

_Just as I thought, no worse than cough... syrup?_

She gasped.

She grabbed her throat.

She broke out into a cold sweat, and then she opened her mouth and belched forth a stream of fire that spread across the entire bar. Several of the patrons screamed as the flames spread up the walls, and to make matters worse more little fires spontaneously erupted all over the place. Everyone headed for the doors.

Frega and Mervin tracked her down in the commotion. They stood far away from the burning inn while the rest of the patrons scrambled to escape before the barkeep could make them pay their tabs.

"Hey!" the barkeep pinpointed them. "Your apprentice burned down my inn!"

"Hold on there, good sir," Mervin stumbled over and handed the barkeep a gold card. "Charge it to my company account."

"Oh, _Mervin!_" Kairi clasped her hands together. "Thank you!"

"I can write it off as a "terrorizing the countryside" expense," he said.

"Well, _Mervin,_" Frega said snidely. "Not that I'm ungrateful, but let me ask you this: Do you know how _old_ she is?"

"Uh… nineteen… hundred?" he guessed.

"Try _fifteen!_" Frega growled.

"... Fifteen… hundred?"

"No. Fifteen!"

"...You're fifteen?" Mervin asked Kairi. "_Fifteen?_"

"Almost," she admitted.

"_Almost? REEEEE!_" Mervin shouted, and he melted into the night with a drawn-out, ear-shattering shriek.

"Thanks a lot!" Kairi railed on Frega. "He was nice! Why do guys always leave me?" She hiccuped again and started to cry.

"Forget King Creepy, _you burned down the inn!_"

"It was an accident!" Kairi took off her hat and bowed her head (or tried to, she was having trouble standing up straight) to receive her punishment. "I'm sorry, sir."

"Please tell me you at least did it using a fire spell," Frega said hopefully.

"Well, sir," she hung her head and sighed. "No, sir."

"Damn!"

* * *

Sus lies; Sus lies _big._ They were working on this little problem before she had him arrested last year.

Two years and four months ago while he was eating a delicious summer sausage sandwich. (He religiously stuck to his diet, but he _always_ made an exception for summer sausage no matter how much it hurt later.) Anyway, he was sitting out in the park with his sandwich when he spotted the growing crowd by the pond, and being a civic-minded nice guy he moseyed over to break up the fight… which turned out to be a cat fight between a couple of attractive women.

"Excuse me? What seems to be the trouble?" he caught the older woman's arm before she could blacken the younger woman's eye.

"_Help me! She's trying to kill me!_" the young woman in her early twenties ducked around him. The other woman screamed a long string of curses at her and tried to kick her.

"I'm sorry?" he asked, keeping his voice pleasant, "I didn't catch that, what's the _problem?_"

"She slept with my husband!"

_Ah crap, one of these,_ he thought, _I should've known._

"And she told all our friends…" the woman started to cry, which made him more uncomfortable. He never found this kind of thing entertaining, and these days it hit a very sensitive nerve. "… she told everyone _certain things_. How 'm I supposed to explain this to my kids?"

"Cora!" a man pushed his way through the crowd. "Don't believe anything she says! It's all a lie!"

The young woman stepped out from behind him and said in a voice that carried throughout the park: "But Howard! What about our _baby?"_

_I _hate_ people,_ Baralai thought at this juncture.

"She's crazy!" Howard yelled at Cora. Cora lunged at Howard. Baralai held onto her tightly, he feared he'd leave bruises.

"Wait!" the young woman wrung her hands. "He's right…"

Cora stopped lunging, frothing at the mouth, and generally all activity. Baralai finally let her go, but he watched her, and everyone else, carefully.

"What?"

"I just… made all that up," she blew her bangs out of her eyes. It was stated as simply as if she were stating that the temperature today was between forty and fifty with a chance of showers. "I lied." Baralai watched Howard, and noticed how visibly relieved the idiot was– a little too relieved. Howard smiled like a man with everything going his way.

"W-why would you make up such a damaging lie?" Cora sputtered.

"You see?" Howard unwisely said. "I didn't _do_ anything! We were just friends!"

"Well, not _just_," the young woman amended.

"You little liar!" Howard barked. "You've already put my family through enough." Cora kneed Howard in the groin and tried to kick him to death. This time the Praetor just let things play out, the man had it coming.

"Do you live around here?" he asked the forgotten young woman.

"Yeah, not that far away." She scuffed her shoes on the ground. "Am I in trouble?"

"This is none of my business, miss. Let's go, I'll walk you home." They quietly left the park behind. She didn't thank him, she didn't try to converse with him, she didn't do anything until they reached her front door and he turned around to find her crying.

"Now, now. Here," he gave her his handkerchief. "What's your name?"

"Susiana, but everybody calls me Sus," she sniffled and rubbed tears off her cheeks. "It's over, with Howard, isn't it?"

"It's for the best. Would you like my advice?" She nodded. "You're not going to find much happiness with a married man– they're miserable people, otherwise they wouldn't be out looking for girlfriends. And most married guys try not to leave their wives anyway."

"Why not? If they're not happy? And what about love? Don't people honestly fall in love once in a while?"

"Love is a great little high caused by a temporary chemical imbalance in the brain, but no thinking person will throw their life into the shredder for it."

"Wow," she blew out a breath and stopped crying. "You're really cynical for a holy guy."

"This isn't about me. It's about you leaving the married men alone. You're an attractive girl, there are plenty of single guys who'd crawl through glass for a shot with you."

"Yeah, but all they want is sex! I'm ready to settle down _now_."

"Then find yourself a nice older gentleman with a lot of money and no children." She stared at him hard while she thought about this.

"Seriously," she said. "What's wrong with you?"

"I have to get back to work. I hope things work out for you. Goodbye."

And even though he left her there without telling her his name she tracked him down a mere twenty-four hours later. She marched up to him in the library, where he was working on the Endless Paperwork pile, and handed him a gift basket.

"How did you get in here?" he asked, recovering from his startle very nicely when he noticed that the gift basket was filled with summer sausage.

"I wanted to give you a proper thank you for saving me from a beating. I'm not a very good fighter," she laughed weakly and pushed the basket forward. "So. Here it is. Thank you."

"You're welcome, but this area is restricted." He recalled that the librarian in charge of keeping the public out of this section was young Bashan; a good kid, but he was annoyingly timid. "I'm glad I could be of some assistance, Miss Sus. Thanks for the food."

"Umm," and she clasped her hands behind her back and succeeded in looking cute. _Back away, this one's mental,_ he reminded himself. "I was wondering? If you're not doing anything later…"

"Miss Sus. I'm flattered, but it won't work."

"Why not? You're nice, older, you're clearly employed… _oh,_ and you have a highly evolved sense of morality too!"

"No I don't."

"Yes. You do." Evidently she'd never been turned down before. Even her bewildered look was adorable. "You're not gay are you?"

"It's not that. When I said you should look for an older man, what were the two other qualities I said you should look for?"

"Umm… he should have money… and… no children?" He nodded. "But...?"

"Divorced," he said.

"Ah! That explains the bitterness!" She beamed. "So you _are_ available."

"No. I've got a kid not much younger than you and I'm broke, because I'm paying… _grrr_... _Alimony_." The library, which had been perfectly lit by the bright, clear day outside, went dark and a roll of thunder sent tremors through the musty shelves.

"Whoa," Sus breathed. "Well, oh-kay... if you won't go out with me, could you lend me ten gil?"

"Why?"

"I need to find a hotel to stay at."

And the chances to regret being nice just kept on coming!

"You got thrown out of your apartment?"

"See, it's like this," she smiled a simple-minded little smile. "You know that guy Howard? He sort of… _owned_ that building."

"He still can't just throw you out without two weeks notice."

"We-ell. You see, he already gave me the notice… eight months ago…"

"And he let you stay out of the goodness of his heart," he finished dully.

"We-ell, not _really,_" she laughed.

"Don't you have any friends to stay with?"

She stared at the floor.

"Alright," he sighed, "I know someone who can put you up."

* * *

It was just that easy. Now he had a human project– _dammit._ He didn't make it a habit to try to rehabilitate people, but she just wouldn't go away. He made her get a steady job and he tried to steer her away from certain men, men like Howard. Unfortunately, the men he did try to hand her off to found out about her little quirk in some unpleasant ways, and none would ever forgive him.

"Sus, I'm worried about this lying habit you've got. You need to get some help before somebody tries to kill you. Why do you do it?"

"I dunno. Hey, will you go out with me?"

"Don't change the subject."

"Maybe I subconsciously know a guy is bad, right? So maybe I defend myself by making up lies about him."

"There are better ways to handle them, Sus."

"Yeah, I'm bad," she giggled. "But I don't lie about _you_. I like you, you're good. You should go out with me sometime."

Not one date, he promised himself. She was pretty, young, well-meaning, but he wasn't _stupid_.

... Well, not very stupid.

...Okay, maybe he was weak and lonely, but _definitely_ not stupid.

* * *

He found her crying in the backyard between a couple rows of bean plants. He sat down beside her and offered her his handkerchief.

"Sus, why did you tell the Mayor all those things?" he asked her gently. That was how to handle this, because if she went to the police _this_ time he and the Mayor would likely never leave the city.

"I dunno," she wiped her eyes. "Are you still mad at me?"

"I was never mad at you," he lied. "What about you? Are you still mad at me?"

"Maybe," she blew her nose loudly, "You _did_ leave me, you know."

"And you did _have me arrested!_"

"It was a joke!" she shot back.

"You took me to court! You told the judge I was trying to buy your affections and you made me look like an _idiot!_ I've never been so embarrassed in my life, and that includes the time I was put on trial for, for…" he ground his teeth and she wept harder.

"_I'm s-sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!_" the wailing would attract the neighbors' attention. "_Gimme another chance!_"

"Alright! I will, just stop crying!" He had to calm himself. If not for his own sake, then for the sake of the Mayor and Destiny Island's future.

"Hold me!" she whined.

"_No!_ That's what got me into trouble last time," he gave her his other handkerchief instead. The volume of her sobs went down to a respectable level. "That's better. Did you mean it when you said you wanted another chance?" She nodded. "Good. You can start by telling the Mayor about your little joke before she burns a hole through my head with her Death Glare."

"But… _she'll think I'm a liar!_" At least she had the wit to work out how this sounded and she promptly gave in. "Okay. Fine," she mumbled. "You know, for a someone who's hiding out from the cops you're awfully demanding."

"I can leave anytime," he said quickly.

"Okay, okay. Sheesh, I'm only joking." She smiled hopefully and looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I'm glad you're back, Baralai."

"I'm glad you're okay, too, Sus."

* * *

"The Delta Sisters have got to go, they don't fit the Dizzy World image," Maintenance Man Wally said, "I need you to tell 'em that they're fired."

"Doesn't a huge corporation like this have a, I don't know, a procedure for this?" Chappu asked.

"Oh, yeah. This sort of thing doesn't normally involve Maintenance," Wally said. "But the last three guys they sent to do the job disappeared– so, the managers figure they'd leave well enough alone. But _I've_ got a problem with that. The Delta Sisters are organ harvesters! They stole my kidney!"

"... Well," Locke said after a lengthy pause. "I don't think anybody expected _that._"

"You go in there, fire the Delta Sisters, get my kidney back, and I'll give you back your moogle," Wally jabbed a pink slip at Wakka.

"This is _insulting_," Mog crossed his arms. "I'm not _property_! You can't _trade_ for me!"

"_Get back to work!_" Wally roared. Mog jumped and scurried back to the wiring.

"So, what? They have your kidney just sitting out on the dresser or something?" Chappu reached for the slip.

"_I'll_ do this," Wakka snatched the slip away.

"This is gonna require finesse, Wakka, and you've got the finesse of a... of a..."

"A lobster," Lilo supplied.

"Exactly... what?"

"I wouldn't say lobsters are ungraceful," Zidane said. "Have you ever watched a couple of 'em fight in the tanks at the grocery store?"

"You need a thief, an _expendable one,_" Sus said, looking at Locke.

"Pfft! I think Wally here is having a little fun at our expense," Locke said. He was right, Wakka decided. Organ thieves? Sure, _that's_ likely.

"I'll be right back," Wakka marched to the stage. He practiced firing the Delta Sisters in his head.

"'I'm sorry, but the guy outside asked me to give–' nah. 'Pardon me, but while your performance was really... _something_–' ugh, no! What should I say?" Wakka blushed at the prospect of having to face the barely dressed and dreaded sisters. He knocked on the dressing room door and took a deep breath.

"Come in!"

The sound of a dentists drill almost drowned out the groans of the man in the dentist's chair.

"Hel' 'e!" he screamed past the little plastic prop that kept his jaw open. One of the Delta sisters turned around.

"Can we help you?" the oldest sister blinked through her blood spattered goggles. His mind was busy trying to wallpaper over the blood with peaceful images of sunsets and dolphins and things like that.

"I said,_ can we help you?_" the sister demanded.

"Look at him, I think something's wrong," The middle sister shut off the drill. "Are you in any pain?"

"Sisters," the youngest one spoke up, "I do believe our little operation here has rendered our visitor speechless."

"Oh-ho!" the older sister laughed. "Please don't mind this! Dental surgery, our little hobby, actually looks worse than it really is. Can we help you with anything?"

"I heard," he squeaked and cleared his throat. "_Ahem._ I heard you might have a kidney. For sale." The sisters looked at each other and then at him.

"Ye-es, we do have kidneys, but we don't _sell_ them."

"No-no," the youngest sister shook her head. "We donate them, generally after a rigorous screening process. Do you have a recipient in mind?"

"Actually, this guy who wants the kidney, he says you took it from him? He'd like it back now." Honesty's the best policy, in Wakka's view.

"That 'Wally' guy sent you," the middle sister sighed. "He keeps trying to fire us. We don't like him."

"Tell him he has a perfectly good kidney already," the oldest said. "If that is all, you may leave." She waved a hand, shooing him away.

"Oh, _please!_ Please give him back his kidney," Wakka pleaded. "He's holding one of my friends hostage for its return."

The sisters looked at each other again, as though sharing a secret message.

"Really?" the youngest said. "That's Wally for you."

"Well... It's not doing anything but taking up space in the fridge..." the oldest said.

"I guess he's gotten the message," the middle sister added.

"Don't mess with the Delta Sisters!" the youngest ran to the fridge and pulled a small mayonnaise jar from the top shelf. The kidney floated in a murky solution with some wires.

"Shouldn't this be on ice?" he asked taking the jar.

"Oh-ho! Look who's the doctor now!" the middle sister said.

"Cindy!" the oldest one silenced her sister with a cold look. She gave Wakka a smile that made him think that maybe she thought he was cute. Alright! "I hope this helps. Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got a project to finish up." The man in the chair started screaming again.

"Um," he hated to do it. They'd been so nice to him, but a deal was a deal. He handed the pink slip to the youngest sister. "This is for you. Sorry."

The girl's pupils became pinpricks as she held the slip.

"Sisters," she said dully. "_Get the chloroform._"

* * *

The others later told him that they heard a loud crash and some horrible cursing. The noise didn't last long, and right afterwards the door slammed opened.

"Well... 'ere's your kidney," Wakka staggered out of the dressing room through a cloud of chloroform with the kidney jar.

"Wakka," Lilo shrieked. "There's something sticking out of your back!"

"Looks like a water pik," Sus yanked the pik out of his back. "What happened in there?"

"I..." he swayed on his feet. Wally grabbed the jar and motioned to his assistant to release Mog. "I, uh... made the sisters... drop the chloroform... _Ker-sploosh!_" He threw his arms out for dramatic emphasis, and fell to the ground.

* * *

_To Be Continued_

A/N: Long, long ago I got my hands on what I now believe to be a fan-sub of _Final Fantasy IV_, and thus began a long love affair with a video game series. The Magus sisters were called the Delta Sisters; Rydia wasn't a Summoner, she was a Caller; and Barbariccia was Valvalis (?)

Ah, good times.


	14. 13 One Way Or Another

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

One Way Or Another is by and copyright Blondie, from their album Live By Request.

* * *

**One Way Or Another**

"Again. You're not putting the emphasis on the right word," he said. "The wrong emphasis can throw off everything!"

"Why can't I just buy a flame thrower?" Her brains seemed to be trying to knock a hole through her skull, and her stomach wouldn't stop lurching, even when she ran out of things to throw up. _I'll never drink again,_ she swore.

"Magically induced fire is more versatile and powerful," he answered in his scholarly voice. "A weapon can be lost or out of reach, but magic is always at the tips of our fingers."

"Whom would I want to burn to death?" she asked.

"Lots of people! But we're not going to dwell on that right now."

"But I want to know!" she growled. "Why should I learn how to hurt people?"

"Don't take that tone with me!" he hissed, his tail whipped from side to side like a cat's when it's agitated. "Your sentiments are admirable, but predators– enemies, if you will– are a natural part of life. You must learn to defend yourself. I know you're having a difficult time, but nothing worth doing is going to be easy, young lady, _nothing!_"

Kairi didn't have anything to say to that, it wasn't as if she could say that he was wrong. She mumbled an apology and some excuse about her hangover.

"Let's take a break," Frega sighed. "I'm hungry. Would you like to hunt some rabbit with me?"

"Do I get to cook it before I eat it?" she asked warily. Amazingly, in spite of her nausea, something within her rose up and demanded fresh, raw meat and blood… mmm, bone marrow… She stuck her tongue out in disgust.

"Seems like a waste of time," he said. "But if you can start a fire– and you know how I mean– I wouldn't stop you."

"Figures."

He trotted into the woods on all fours and noiselessly disappeared into the undergrowth.

"Well, there's always roots and berries," she said, although they weren't nearly as appealing as warm, uncooked fat… "Blech! What am I thinking?" Poking around in the area turned up only a handful of edible berries, but she did snag a nice juicy caterpillar that she enjoyed to her utter horror.

And why couldn't she get a flame thrower? What was the point of all this, and why did he– her _kidnapper_– want to teach her how to defend herself? What happened to his endless quest to kill her father?

She pondered this while she attempted to wash the taste of caterpillar out of her mouth. Kairi tipped the entire contents of the thermos down her throat, letting a few trickles escape down her chin.

At that moment the ambient noise in the forest died.

It was so sudden that she almost choked on the last mouthful. Worse than the silence, there was someone behind her.

Just a couple of heavy steps, as though this person wanted to alert her to his presence. She turned around and screamed when she saw Garm. He was dressed in forest green, his long, dark hair was tied back and he held his falchion loosely in his hand. The nightmare smiled.

Kairi fell backwards, she slammed into the ground so hard her teeth clicked. She frantically ripped the hat away from her head and looked again.

No one was standing there. _My imagination must've formed the image from the scenery_, she thought. _I'm spooking myself, and it's all because of those dreams_.

The worst one was about the giant from the sea. It was the sort of dream that doesn't sound at all scary when you think about during your waking hours; but recalling the images at night gave her the shivers.

_I'm standing on the beach, middle of the day, it's bright. No one is around and I see that giant hand reach up out of the sea. It's far away from the island, but I watch the pale body rise out of the sea. It's so far away I can't see any features, but that's okay, I don't want to. I can already tell that its thin arms are much too long._

_Stop thinking about it!_ she commanded herself. Of course, this provoked her imagination into creating all kinds of possible features for that nightmare.

_Once I dreamt about a creature in a giant egg. I could see it through the membranous, leathery shell, all kinds of faces pressed against the shell..._

"Be rational!" she hit her leg. "What would Dad say?"

Whatever trick her eyes played on her, there was no mistaking the lack of birdcalls in the area.

_Okay, too creepy,_ she thought, _I'm outta here._

_Wait. I'm no coward, and besides, what would Master say?_

_Kairi!_ A new voice within her spoke up._ This is your survival instinct calling! Do not listen to reason! I repeat: Do not listen to reason!_

_This should be good,_ reason sniffed.

_Leave the area! Run! Run to the furthest place away from here! Dumping adrenaline cache into the system... Now..._

_Good heavens! Is that the best your vaunted "natural instinct" can do? What if Master is merely playing a trick on us? How stupid would we look if we ran screaming through the woods then?_

While she was of two minds about this situation, her eyes picked out the pattern of shadows on the forest floor. The slightly darker bars of shadow over the leaves stretched towards the west since the hour was somewhere around mid-morning. She watched the shadows lose their distinction from the rest of the gloom– it was all gloom, the light was leaving– and in her head this information got put together with the missing animal calls to produce a flashing 'Danger' sign

She slowly backed away.

"Where is Master?" she asked herself in a shaky voice. "I'll bet he's fallen into a bear trap or something. I'd better track him down and help him out then..." She picked up their packs and shuffled off in the direction she thought she saw him go.

Frega hadn't tried to hide his trail and there were many telltale marks for her to follow. She walked out of the dark area, and noticed that even the air felt different. Survival instinct and reason called a truce. She focused her attention on looking for the signs of her master.

The sense that something was following her persisted. The only thing that kept her from screaming and dashing off into the woods was the idea that it was too far behind her to know for sure if she was its target.

Once she distinctly heard something heavy fall in the distance behind her. She squeezed the Bucky Ball in her pocket.

_Don't look back. Don't look back. If you see it, it sees you. Don't look back._

Frega had made a kill beneath a sapling in a cluster of thick, flowering bushes. Bits of brown bunny fur lay around the area, a few were strewn along the natural path that led around it. _Yuck, what a messy eater!_ She trotted along the path, more sure of herself as she went along.

_Don't look back. Don't look back._

The trail led her to a cave with a low ceiling. She nearly passed it, the entrance was so small that the few scrubby bushes around it hid it from view. Perhaps it would provide them with a hiding place.

"Master Frega?" Kairi chanced a call into the gloom. "Footprints," she murmured as she traveled deep into the cave. There was a respite from the... _Gloom_? What was following her, anyway? And why didn't they tell you there were things like this in the world? The respite didn't last, the familiar presence intruded again, smothering her senses to all else.

_Please. Don't let me die alone,_ a tiny part of her whimpered.

"Sure is cozy in here," Kairi said cheerfully. The gloom didn't register the echo of her voice. She had the feeling it was still creeping along, nose to the ground, figuratively. This realization made her feel a little better, and the pressure around her heart eased a bit.

It was deaf, whatever it was. Maybe it was blind too, but it could _smell_, which was sometimes a better sense than the other two. She wondered what it could look like, which turned out to be a mistake. A flash of nightmare flitted through her mind and she sensed the thing freeze. A wheezy sigh echoed through the cave and the sound made her blood run cold.

_Find Master!_ she thought as the taste of metal filled her mouth. She put her eyes to the floor and followed the prints studiously. The hissing didn't stop, it was just one long expulsion of air and it came closer.

_It can't end like this,_ she thought in a surprisingly calm manner. _It'll kill my parents. And my friends... hello, what's this?_

The tracks ended at a circular area drawn in the dust.

"A dead end," she said, and she laughed mirthlessly. The hissing gloom would soon enter this very chamber, she'd certainly see it. Any minute now. Maybe this is what happened to Master?

A loud click surprised her, she squeaked and then screamed when the ground gave way beneath her.

* * *

"Well, pardon me for saying so, Miss Sus, but that was in pretty poor taste for a joke," Myrna said, she smirked. "But I've seen worse. The look on _Bari-bear's_ face was precious!" She laughed; laughed so hard that she _snorted._ When she and Nerd-boy got together and did that he called it the Geek Chorus.

"Yeah," Sus agreed happily since she wasn't going to get into trouble, "He was pretty funny looking." Sus got this strange look on her face, he thought she might be having a seizure.

"_That's it exactly!_" Myrna shrieked. Goliath looked up at the laughing women from his perch on the kitchen table and started to laugh too.

"What are _you_ laughing at? You don't even know what's going on," Baralai snapped at the little dragon. Goliath scurried into Myrna's dress pocket and peeked out at him with a wary eye. "It wasn't that funny!" he growled at the women.

Myrna sidled up to him.

"I think she _likes_ you," she whispered. "Isn't that great?"

* * *

Sus put them up in her attic space, a good place to hide if the soldiers checked in (and with Sus, they often did.) Myrna didn't complain, but he knew it would be hard on her back so he let her have all the extra blankets, even if she didn't deserve them.

The next morning they had a complicated breakfast. Myrna showed off her cooking skills and Sus' full pantry (provided by numerous hopeful soldiers,) enabled her to really shine. Sus brought in the newspaper and checked the local section for the disturbance at the customs office. She didn't bother with the front page anymore, she explained, because _Renard_ told her they stopped reporting real world events months ago to keep the city population under control.

"Who's Renard?" Baralai asked. A new boyfriend would explain Sus' willingness to try and make peace with him.

"_Renard_ is the leader of the _Underground Mysidia Movement,_" she stage whispered.

"Sus," he sighed, "Joking like that could get you thrown in jail."

"Are we in there?" Myrna looked over Sus' shoulder.

"Here. Says the City Guard is looking for two weirdoes who caused a disturbance at the Station and managed to break past the customs officials. '...one albino man and a tall drag queen with a lizard.'"

"_I beg your pardon?_" the Mayor's jaw clenched.

"It's not like they got a good look at you, and from behind, you do look a little 'mannish'," Baralai said with a cheeky grin. Myrna glared at him. "Erm, this is fortunate, that description of me fits half the men in this city and since you don't _really_ look like a man you're safe as well."

"Should get their friggin' eyes checked…," Myrna muttered.

"Yep, who'd look twice at a couple of women," he said.

"Gee, Baralai, disguises are always a good idea, but I don't think you'd make a very convincing woman," Sus said.

"I think he's saying that he's going to ditch us," Myrna said.

"What? But why?"

"Look you two, my Order's in trouble. It's my duty to lend a hand."

"What? Oh, don't do that!" Sus pouted. "I could have _Renard_ ask around, he has tons of spies."

"What possible use– I mean, what...," Myrna sputtered. "I commend your loyalty, but what about me?"

"You two keep each other safe, stay indoors," he got up before they could work themselves up to a good argument against the risky venture. "I'm counting on you Sus."

"Don't patronize me," Sus said in an uncharacteristic show of antagonism. "U.M.M. can help you."

"Ha-ha, Sus," he said mirthlessly, and shut the door behind him.

* * *

They were going to have to take Sus with them when they left the city. If she was hanging around with people who fancied themselves guerilla warriors she could get hurt, and by the end of the day he became convinced if she kept playing resistance spy she'd be killed.

The city was in far worse condition than he initially guessed. The City Guard's numbers were supplemented with soldiers from a foreign army; he hadn't met anyone who knew what country they were from either, as though the identity of the Governor's allies were a grave secret. But the worst part was the mercenaries. _Mercenaries!_ Every City Guard Patrol (up from two _real_ guardsmen to twelve soldiers) had a mercenary in the ranks.

Baralai wondered if the Order had spoken out about this drastic change– they had to have, and maybe that was the reason the Governor had them jailed. Strange, how thorough the Governor had been; by the end of the day the Praetor's search turned up nothing but rumors of arrests and secret executions.

He walked the streets with his head down. The wind picked up, but he didn't mind it, he could smell the clean scent of the early winter storm in the air. It pushed away that dreadful stench of ash and burnt something. He asked a street vendor about it while he purchased a cup of coffee. The woman just smiled wide and pushed her cart away.

"It's good," she said in a fake happy voice. "Everything the Governor does is _good!_" He looked up at the heavy clouds and frowned.

The Praetor stalked around a corner and nearly ran over a figure in black.

_Shadow,_ he almost forgot that nuisance. He was about to chew Shadow out when he realized that he wasn't facing Shadow at all. The figure ran into a dark alcove and Baralai followed.

"You got my message?" the figure asked in such a low, raspy voice that he was hard to understand.

"What?"

"The book! You found the book?" A match was struck and the figure lit a cigarette and took a slow drag.

Baralai drew his gun.

"What do you want?"

"Easy, guy!" the figure rasped.

"And stop talking like that! It's too hard to understand."

The figure cleared its throat.

"How's this?" he asked in a clearer, and _familiar_ voice.

"Do I know you?"

"Not really in the sense that we've ever met before" the figure said. "You could say I'm your guardian angel."

Now, Baralai had met a number of angels. The Temple register listed hundreds of gods, both living and dead, and they all had their angels. No one really had a clear idea of how they meshed together, but Baralai was inclined to think that they pass around mortal names the way telemarketers pass around phone numbers because he'd been visited by no less then six angels in the past two decades. Three had warned him to change his ways before the next Labor Day; two had tried to give him a makeover, help him impress the cool kids, and get a hot date for the school dance (and since he was in his thirties and married at the time, it had been awkward!); and one tried to kill him. Not one of these pests looked like a, well, an informant from a bad movie.

"Look here, what's your game? Are you with the Order?"

"We don't have a lot of time! I'm here to _warn_ you! It's about the…" the so-called angel mumbled and blew out a cloud of smoke, intent on finishing the cigarette in a hurry.

"The what? This is ridiculous– goodbye."

"_The Mayor is in danger,_" the angel grabbed the back of his jacket, part of the jacket lining ripped. The angel muttered an embarrassed apology.

"Happens all the time," Baralai said darkly. "The Mayor is in danger, from what, specifically?"

"I work for some bad people. They sent me to give you this invitation to Lord Vargas' palace, but I'm throwing in this warning for free."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Lord Vargas has been waiting to meet the Mayor, he needs her to convince her husband to do something."

"Zephram Unne is–"

"Shut up! They'll try to seem like nice guys." The angel drew another long drag and blew the smoke up into the air. "But they'll try to get rid of you, not in any illegal way of course, they don't want to scare her away. You see?"

"Who are you?"

"I told you, your guardian angel," the angel said and threw the spent cigarette to the ground, "I gotta go. Be careful, and don't let her out of your sight!" The angel gave him an envelope with gold embossing and then up the wall the figure climbed, until he disappeared nimbly over the edge of the roof.

* * *

_Captain's Log_

_Stardate: ... I don't know!_

_I'm having serious doubts that we'll be able to rescue Kairi at this point. I can't help but feel that this entire venture is doomed. Our chief engineer has locked himself in the engine room and won't talk to anyone, our two passengers won't stop screaming at each other, we're running out of fuel again, the acting Captain is my sneaky kid brother, I'm recovering from nearly having my organs carved from my still-living body (yikes!), and our medical personnel are a seven year-old girl and her dog. (Although, I have my doubts about his being a dog at all. This could be the drugs talking.) I wonder how the pilot is doing?_

Little happened over the next week of their flight. Days passed as near as Wakka could tell without sunrises or sunsets. Stitch turned out to be an adept doctor and Wakka felt almost normal in no time, aside from the itch.

Meanwhile Chappu declared himself acting Captain, which Wakka didn't mind letting him do but he really wished Chappu hadn't found it necessary to celebrate his temporary promotion by leading a conga line through the ship. Wakka got even by super-gluing Chappu's hand to his head while he slept.

Stitch and Lilo spent most of their time redecorating the living area, Locke was stuck with Mog in the engine room most of the time because he couldn't stand Sus, and Sus declared herself "morale officer" and made thousands of cookies with the E-Z Bake oven the DIzzy Company gave them.

This fairly quiet period (compared to what happened later) ended when they coasted into the Jupiter Spacestation's dock. The station orbited around a large gas giant a gemlike green color with a double ring, and they all stopped to stare out the dome over the dock.

"It's beautiful," Sus breathed.

"I'd rather see a boring old sunrise at this point," Wakka said, "yeah, it's somethin' all right."

"I wish I had my camera," Lilo said.

"There might be one in the gift shop," Chappu said. "Which leads us to our next lesson: blackmail."

"_What_?" Wakka whipped around.

"What?" Chappu asked innocently.

"What did you just say? What are you teaching her?"

"I was just kidding around, _gawd!_" he waved his arms around. "Just because some girls tried to hollow you out you lost your sense of humor? You act like I'm always up to something or something…"

"You _are_ always up to something!" he put his hand on Lilo's head. "She's just an innocent little girl, I don't want you teaching her how to be a thug! Understand? I've got my _eye_ on you," he warned Chappu and turned on his crew "On all of you."

"Hey, why are you looking at me?" Zidane asked.

"Sure, okay," Locke said.

"You should relax," Sus tossed her head. "You'll irritate your dental injury."

"You're right," Wakka said, touching the tender spot on his back where Mindy had driven the water pik. "I just don't want Lilo to be badly influenced; I don't want to send her home to her family as a thief, ya?"

"I think you should know, since thieves bother you so much," Locke said nastily, "Sus is thief!"

"I'm a _bargain_ _hunter!"_

"Of the five-finger-discount kind!"

"Locke's the thief!" Sus screamed.

"_Treasure hunter!_"

"What's wrong with thieves?" Zidane said in a hurt voice.

"I think the only ones who aren't thieves," Mog interrupted before the arguing could escalate. "Are you, me, Lilo and _maybe _Stitch."

"I will not stand for this indictment on my character, sirs!" Chappu objected, rather unconvincingly at that. Wakka tiredly scratched his head, not knowing what to make of this bizarre development. "I'm more of an idea man," Chappu admitted. "A planning guy, a lieutenant, if you will..."

"So we're like a... gang?" Lilo said.

Chappu broke into a bright smile, "Not exactly. We're..." he gasped and clasped his hands, an expression of pure bliss came over his features, "We're _space pirates!"_

"We are?" Sus put her hand over her pretty mouth.

"Cool!" Lilo cried. "Yarrrr!"

"_Space pirates! Yeah!_" Everyone cheered… except for Wakka.

"Pirates? Dad'll _kill us,_" he said to Chappu as the rest of the crew danced around in a circle singing _It's A Pirate's Life For Me_.

"We have to get new clothes," Sus said.

"And a new paint job for the ship," Zidane added.

"I'll go put some on order," Mog said.

"What's the big frickin' deal?" Wakka asked them. "You wanna be criminals?"

"Think about it, Captain," Zidane slapped him on the back, "We're free men following the winds of fortune; we make our own rules, and then we break our own rules. And everyone knows that pirates get all the chicks!"

Wakka thought about the crusty, filthy, obnoxious pirates back home. Captain Peekay's constant crooning about how he's just a lonely guy, Captain Bikke's creepy habit of skulking in alleys and peeping into bedroom windows...

"According to _whom_?"

"And pirate ladies get to wear the prettiest clothes," Sus bubbled. "Gems! Gold! Fiscal security!"

"You're all just being... _silly_," Wakka said. "Chappu, you've seen real pirates! You tell 'em."

"We are gonna be so bad-ass!" Chappu said.

"And another thing," Wakka argued, "We've already got a mission: we're going back to Earth! And we already have a full crew. Sus, don't you have a family to get back to? Locke, don't you have some revolutionary missions to do?"

"What's the problem, Captain," Zidane asked. "Don't you like pirates? I heard your mom was one."

They could practically hear the universe come to a screeching halt.

"_What did you say about my mother?_" Wakka growled at Zidane, little flames dancing in his eyes. Chappu drew his little pocket knife and got a really nasty look on his face. Everyone backed away.

"Well, Lilo, it appears our associates are freaking out," Mog whispered, "Shall we head to the food court and get some snacks while they kill each other?" The three backed very slowly away from the scene.

"Take me with you," Sus said, but as she hurried past Wakka she gave him a knowing smile and a wink. A shiver ran from the top of his head to the tips of his toes and his anger disappeared. He turned to watch her walk away.

"Uh," Zidane wasn't sure what to do now that he'd been forgotten.

"I told you," Locke said after she was gone. "_Succubus._"

* * *

"You're listening to BRY-FM, playing yesterday's hits for the young-yet-old at heart! And we've finally come the dedications and requests section of our progam…" the radio station boomed over the ambient noise of the food court.

Wakka looked around for Lilo, Stitch, and Mog. He needed to let them know that everything was all right and to apologize for scaring them. How could he lose his cool like that? As the adult (almost) in charge, he had to keep it together.

_Must be losing my marbles,_ he thought. _But some very _unusual_ things have happened to me, so I guess you can't blame me for freaking out._

"And today we've got a very strange request from a Captain– and this is underlined three times in red, folks– Seifer Almasy." The annoying deejay went on, but Wakka ignored the radio as he looked for Mog, Stitch and Lilo. For some reason his attention turned back to the soporific voice on the radio near the end of the dedication letter.

"Casey, could you play _One Way or Another_ by Blondie for this young man? His name is Wakka."

"Hey! That's me!" Wakka stopped. "Must be a... It has to be a coincidence."

"I want him and his little brother, Chappu, to know that their days are numbered! Seifer– I'm sorry, _Captain_ Almasy, we'll certainly play your song. Here's _One Way or Another_ by Blondie."

Wakka's jaw hit the floor.

"Did you hear that?" Chappu's voice startled Wakka out of his silent freak-out session. "Somebody wants us dead!"

"What'd we ever do to him? Did you hear the rest of the dedication?" Wakka asked.

"I didn't pay attention 'til I heard my name," Chappu shrugged. "Stupid radio station. How could they entertain that maniac like this? I'll sue!"

Wakka scanned the crowd again. He better warn the crew.

"Oh my god!" Sus scurried up to him, "You poor thing! What's this Captain Almasy look like? I'll teach him a thing or two about harassment!"

"Did you really kill somebody?" Lilo gave him a considering look.

"Who said anything about murder? We never heard of this guy!" Chappu said.

"Why would someone you've never heard of want revenge on you?" she wondered aloud.

"You _killed_ someone?" Zidane joined them. "You?"

"No!" Chappu defended his brother. "What makes you guys think that?"

Wakka got the feeling that someone was watching them.

"The Captain doesn't even give off, you know, _murderer vibes_," Sus said reasonably, "The guy who wrote that letter is clearly unbalanced."

"Crazy," Lilo agreed.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Wakka scratched his head, it was a nervous gesture.

"Wakka's a little odd, but no way would he kill someone," Chappu explained.

"Odd, how?" Zidane asked.

"Well, he likes to count things, patrolling the town, silly rituals… you know, harmless crazy."

"Not crazy," Wakka mumbled.

"Aww," Sus cooed and patted Wakka's head tenderly. "Who hasn't got problems? We're all friends here, we'll help you watch out for this nut."

"Captain?" Lilo patted Wakka's cheek. "He's in shock!"

"Poor guy," Sus said. "Say! I know just what'll make him forget about his problems for a while!"

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	15. 14 Every Breath You Take

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

Every Breath You Take is by and copyright The Police, from their album Synchronicity

* * *

**Every Breath You Take**

She fell through the trapdoor and hurtled down a smooth chute. The contents of both Kairi's and Frega's packs tumbled free, it was a loud mess that dropped out of the tunnel and into the community hall of the Loyal Order of Cactuars (which weren't really cactuars, they were more of a men's club for dwarves. Think "freemasons".)

"Look! Another one." A dwarf stood over Kairi and shook his head. "That's two in the same day. Call the healers!"

"Hi, I mean, Lali-ho!" she sat up and grabbed her head. She gave the dwarves a huge grin, the result from the kind of high one gets after catapulting from acceptance of one's demise up to the realization that there was some kind of mistake and today was just one in the limitless number of days to come.

"Eh? Oh, uh, Lali-ho?" they stared at her through their goggles.

"Wow, that was _close. _Would you fine gentlemen tell me: has a little elf been through here recently?"

The dwarves looked to each other before deciding which one would have to deal with her.

"There _was_ a little hoity-toity fella in while ago. He's at the hospital. Broke both his legs on the way down," said one dwarf.

"That's terrible."

"Oh, that wasn't the worst part. He happened to drop in during the Grand Haboob's birthday party."

"Oh no! ... What the heck is a 'haboob?'"

"That's none of your business!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did he ruin the party?" she asked.

"I'll say! He... _he fell on the cake_..." said one dwarf in a wounded tone of voice. The lip trembled and a single tear squeezed out of his eye.

"Right as the stri– er, _entertainer_ was coming out of the top," the other wrung his hands.

"He fell on a _stripper?_" she slapped her hand over her mouth and snickered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, hehehehe! W-was she hurt?"

"She was, er, holding a trident," the dwarf turned red.

"Yeah. Went right through his liver, so I heard– where _are_ those healers?" She stopped laughing.

"Is he alright?"

"Miss, I don't know," the other dwarf said. "Ah, the healers! 'Bout time!"

A couple of dwarves wearing white over their chain mail bustled into the hall and asked Kairi a few questions before loading her onto their stretcher and taking her to the Sherwood Memorial Hospital.

* * *

The ambulance drove through the caverns of Luca, the dwarf city beneath Sherwood Forest. From what little she could see through the window it looked like the inside of the world's biggest termite mound. A large cavern with several layers of spiraling tracks carved out of the sides, and tunnels that led off to other places. There were many impressive fountains, impressive in that a few of them spewed magma. The roots of the great trees above hung down from the ceiling of the cavern like crepe paper and in many places there were holes where the sunlight streamed in. Kairi thought it was very pleasant, and it was nice to be warm again.

The dwarves wheeled her into the emergency room.

"Goodness gracious, another human?"

"It's that kind of week, I guess."

"Put her in with the other human– that should keep her calm."

A bright light was shone in her face and a handful of bearded faces peered over her while the healers waved a number of instruments at her.

_So this is what it's like to be treated at a big hospital,_ she thought.

"Phew! I think this one needs a bath!" one of the healers said.

"Excuse me?" she said timidly. The healers ignored her and continued to talk over her.

"Open wide!"

Kairi opened her mouth and someone jabbed the back of her throat with something sharp. She gagged and choked while someone else whacked her in the knees.

"Feel its nose, I think that helps."

"Oh now you're just being funny."

"Well, looks like all we have are few bruises–"

"Nonsense! Blood work! I need a complete battery of tests!"

"Yessir!" several healers chorused.

After she was stripped, bathed, and bled nearly dry; the entire group wheeled her into a little room with two other patients. She saw a man in traction in the corner and in the other bed...

"Master! You're okay!" He sat up in bed with a red and white striped bucket in his lap full of deep-fried meat. The bucket had the words _Cat-in-the-Box _on the sideunder a cartoon of a kitty cat wearing a crown and giving the thumbs-up.

"Here! How did you get that?" one of the nurses scolded him. He stopped chewing on the thighbone in his mouth and snapped his fingers. The nurse blinked in confusion and then went back to tending to the man in traction.

"What happened to _you?_" Frega asked.

"Trapdoor."

"Ah. Yes. Good job. You didn't lose your onion, did you?"

"No, Master." The dwarves at the Cactuar Lodge meticulously gathered up the things that fell out of their packs and arranged them in a box. They even sent along a detailed list of the items– typical, fussy, little engineers that they were.

"My good dwarves," the healer in charge grabbed the lapels of his robes and stared off into the distance in a manner which she supposed was inspiring. "Today we've looked past racial differences to help a fellow being in need..." he blathered.

"Master, are you okay?" she asked. "I heard about the stripper." Frega grunted and just continued to eat.

"Excuse me, miss," the nurse turned to her. "We don't get many humans in this area, and we were wondering if perhaps you know this man?" She pointed to the man in traction. "He says his name is Fester."

Fester groaned in his sleep.

"Sorry, I don't know anyone named Fester," Kairi shook her head. "What happened to him?"

"He says he was thrown off the train by a, let's see, I think his words were: 'a disagreeable, swart little man.' And something about ninjas." She shook her head. "What we do know is that he was attacked by a monster in the woods. Poor thing's lucky to be alive."

The nurse bustled off to see to her other duties. Kairi's stomach rumbled, the smell of cooked meat made her forget everything else that had happened.

"Can I have some of that?" she held out a hand. Frega sucked on a thighbone and shook his head.

"You won't like it."

"It smells _fantastic_. Please?"

"But it's–"

"Don't tell me what it is, just give it to me," she said. He glowered at her tone. "Pretty please?" Frega shrugged and handed her a big piece of golden brown deliciousness.

* * *

Baralai opened the invitation and found a card with a black symbol for water engraved above a date, time, and address on one side. _Three days from now,_ he thought, _perhaps the train would be moving again before then_. He flipped open the card and read the note from the 'bad people' his angel warned him about.

_Hon. Mayor Unne,_

_Although we've never met before I have heard a great deal about your accomplishments on Destiny Island and have been a great admirer for years. When I'd heard that you were in our wonderful city and in hiding from the current regime I knew that "destiny," if you will, smiled on me at last._

"Oh, give me a break! Oily creep," he muttered.

_I request the honor of your presence at my home for tea. I'd very much like to hear your take on a few administrative dilemmas that have cropped up recently– in fact, I would like to offer you a permanent position in my growing company! I will be happy to explain the details when we meet, but whatever your answer (please do not feel pressured!) it would be wonderful just to meet you and I'd like to extend every resource at my command to help you in your own dilemma._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Lord Vargas_

"Ugh, spare me," Baralai crumpled the note and threw it down a storm drain.

* * *

Days passed as the train to Zanarkand remained in its berth at Mysidia Central Station, until an entire week had passed.

Goliath started to molt. The skin on his nose flaked and he spent a lot of time pushing his little body across the carpet to get his old skin off.

Myrna and Sus spent much of their time together, taking care of Goliath and doing whatever it is that women do when they're bored. Baralai could sense Myrna's impatience as days five and six passed, but she didn't say anything to him.

Baralai continued to scour the city, ducking patrols of heavily armed soldiers and slipping into hiding places to find just _one_ free dragoon knight.

The only person he could find was the old woman who used to sweep out the Temple. He ran into her on fateful day seven, and she still proved to be as difficult to deal with.

"I remember _you_. Didn't they used to call you 'Raging Butterball?' You handsomed up nicely." She stared at him in that hungry way that used to make the trainees burst into tears of shame.

"... thanks."

"You're not the first one to come wandering around, I'll tell you what I told them: leave town. The only way outta Kefka's dungeon is in several bags, if you know what I mean. Someone sold you out I think. They knew where to find everybody in the city. Every secret spot, every hidden treasure, every squire and every layman." She leaned in, and the smell of cinnamon, peppermint oil and old person wafted from her. "And the Guards tend to take an interest in anyone with information on 'stragglers.' Know what I mean?"

She looked at him shrewdly and something about the look she gave him made his insides go cold.

"Info like that must be worth _something _to a guy like you."

"Alright, you don't have to tell me anything," he sighed. The old woman scowled. "Did the Governor ever say what he wanted?"

"Why should I tell anybody anything? I'm just an old woman what can barely make ends meet, nobody ever pays attention to me!" She whined and wheedled as though she suddenly lost her mind. He ignored the performance and stepped off of her porch into her home. She shut the door. Now he was alone with the hag.

"Was it the vault?" he asked.

"Partly," she said sullenly. His intuition told him this was what it was, he'd been worried about this all week. After all, it was the Antiquities Class that was pinpointed by the City Guard first.

"What exactly did he want?"

"Lots of things!" she snorted. "It's not like I saw what they took, or saw who they questioned, or who escaped with what treasure down what secret escape passage!" She turned around and with a smile she began to dust the little altar in her foyer. He did a double take when he saw the idol on the altar, but it shouldn't have surprised him.

"That's one of the Three Goddesses," he said.

"Maybe," she sneered. "You think I stole it? I bet you do."

"You know, it's your duty to give a full, honest report to Antiquities agents," he said. "Like me, for example."

"Well, sure," she cackled and pinched his cheek. "But not for nothing!"

He thought about the week's discoveries.

_Bashan Greimeer, incarcerated; Martin Linkleer, dead; all three of the Kale brothers, missing..._

And this disgusting old woman was the only one who could tell him things, whether their sacrifices had been in vain or if any remained.

_I can't be the last of the Order of Antiquities, there were others out on assignment, right?_

Or he could forget about all this, he had to take care of the Mayor and his hometown. Just go home and read about it in the news.

The problem with any Antiquities agent was that they were insatiably curious.

"What do you want?"

* * *

Nothing that had happened so far had depressed him as much as the meeting with the dirty old woman. He returned to Sus' place in a foul mood, his clothes out of place and in need of a shower. He almost had a breakdown when he discovered half his luggage missing.

"Hey Babe, what's wrong? You look like you've been in a fight," Sus trapped him up on the stairs between the attic and the kitchen.

"Sus, what did you do with all my stuff?" he asked, letting only the barest edge of his annoyance into his tone.

"Right in this basket!" she said proudly. "I washed everything, except what I threw out."

"Threw out?"

"I got you some new socks," she dug through the laundry basket. "And you were curiously low on underoos…. Oh, it looked like a moth got at your uniform, so I took it to the tailor's."

"_The tailors?_ Sus, they'll alert the authorities–"

"Oh, relax," she shushed him and leaned in close. "I took it to the underground tailor," she whispered, "they do a lot of work for the resistance movement– which I'm a key figure in, I might add."

"Sus," he sighed. "I'm not interested in anything but the _truth_, and after what I did, I _deserve_ it! Believe me."

"What? I _am_ in the U.M.M." She kissed his cheek. "Now don't you worry about a thing, I'll take good care of you." And she bounded up the stairs to repack his things.

Myrna was sitting in the living room, her brow furrowed as she labored over a letter.

"Did you tell her she could go through my things?" he demanded, startling the Mayor so badly she dropped the pen and Goliath crawled under her chair to retrieve it for her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she rubbed the creases out of her forehead.

"Sus did the laundry," Baralai complained.

"Oh no, you poor man! A beautiful woman wants to wash your man-panties and feed you– call Amnesty International!" she said with as much sarcasm as she could inject into the statement. "She really means to treat you well, Baralai, now what's wrong with thisparticular woman?"

"I'm old enough to be her father!" His outrage found a new outlet in this brewing fight, and Myrna was clearly sick of being cooped up in the house.

"Excuses," Myrna snorted. "It's always something, isn't it? You never know a good thing when you have it and it's any excuse to run off into the sunset… No note… No call… _grumble, grumble…_"

"She had me arrested!"

This statement dragged her out of whatever other mental conversation she was having and she blinked.

"Arrested? Good Lord, _why? _What did you do?"

"_Nothing!_"

"You make her sound unstable."

_There you go_, his look said.

"You're nuts," Myrna snorted and went back to her letter. But he couldn't let this fight end.

"What are you doing?" he asked. He could see her unsteady handwriting covered at least three sheets. Myrna had trouble writing in her _own_ language, and her writing could be mistaken for a grade-schooler's first attempts at the alphabet.

"I'm writing a letter to the Governor," she said. "I've got nothing better to do while we wait for that damn train to move again, and I can see some areas in his rule that could use improvement."

"You're going to send the local dictator a letter of _critique? _What are you, stupid?"

"It's only a first draft," she shuffled the papers self-consciously. "And most likely I won't get the chance to send it, you know, since we're _leaving soon_." He craned his neck to read the letter.

"Y_ou put your name on the letter?_ Are you trying to get killed?"

"I am not a coward." She sat up and regarded him sternly. "Besides, he'll take a letter from a visiting Mayor more seriously than a letter from an anonymous armchair politician. He wouldn't even know where to begin to look for me anyway."

"Oh, wow, a Mayor from a town the size of a city block on an island nobody can find on a map without a couple of magnifying glasses. _Very impressive._"

"What in the world is your problem?" she asked, she was royally annoyed now. "Why are you trying to start an argument?"

"Hey," Sus said gently. She stepped into the room and sided with her man. "Why are you fighting?"

"She's just mad because her bastard husband finally escaped he clutches! We all saw it coming... and... uh..." Baralai said, and he regretted it just as soon as he said it. She looked as if she'd been punched. "I'm sorry," he apologized. Myrna's eyes narrowed and her fingers clenched.

"Really?" Sus said, she glanced at them both, not knowing what to say. "That's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that." Myrna just seemed to _harden._

"Don't worry about it," she said, "these things happen. Ha ha."

"That was way out of line–" he began.

"I said: don't worry about," she clipped off each word. Sus elbowed him the stomach.

"Aren't you hungry? You want to go out to eat? Let's go out to eat! Now." Sus talked fast. She looked at the Mayor, whose attention seemed to be wandering off to the window already. "I could use some air."

He agreed. He needed to get out.

Sus was pretty quiet until they left her block.

"She's right, you _badly_ need to get laid."

Most of his guilt suddenly evaporated.

"She said if I managed to land you, I'd be doing everyone in town a favor," she sighed. "I didn't think you were _that_ bad, but then, wow! I mean, ouch!" The guilt came back.

They had a nice quiet dinner on the south side of the city. He would've classified it as a successful date if he wasn't with Sus. They wandered back to her place just at sunset, to an empty house.

* * *

"Okay, our options are… _The Grinch That Stole The Nightmare Before Christmas_? Sounds arty," Chappu read the listing above the box office.

"Pass!" everyone said.

"I'm going to tell you all right now, no R-rated films," Wakka said.

"We don't want to warp my fragile little mind!" Lilo said.

"_American Beauty and the Beast_?"

"I hate romantic comedies," Sus said.

"Nobody asked you– _freeloader_," Locke said.

"Like _you_ contribute?"

"Guys, could you please not do that right now?' Zidane stepped in between them. "Hey! Kenneth Branaugh's _Hamlet_!" Zidane hopped up and down.

"Isn't that a four hour movie? I'm not sitting for _four hours_," Chappu objected.

"How about _Piglets of the Caribbean_?" Mog said.

"You don't want to make us homesick, do ya?"

"This one's animated, _The Jungle Fever Book_?" Wakka read.

"Uh, that's _not_ a kids' movie," Locke said, both he and Sus shook their heads.

"That leaves… aw _man!_"

* * *

"Six adults and three children for _Mulan Rouge_," Wakka said to the ticket seller.

"Ooh! I love that movie," the teenage girl said and handed him his tickets. "It's so dreamy! So tragic!"

The popcorn and candy cost them way too much, according to Chappu, but they splurged anyway (it was for the benefit of their Captain's mental health and the overall morale of the crew, after all) and filed into the back row of the theater.

The film was well done and "pretty", but it wasn't easy to watch. Wakka could almost feel whatever manliness he possessed dying just a little bit every time the lead actor opened his mouth to sing. All the guys on his crew looked terribly uncomfortable, except for Zidane, who went through it with his usual unsinkable attitude.

"He's got a _voice_," Zidane said in awe.

"I don't know how the Huns fit in," Lilo said. Stitch concentrated on spitting unpopped kernels into the backs of the other theater-goer's heads.

Wakka felt close to insane by that point and got up to go to the bathroom.

* * *

After he washed his hands he combed his hair back into it's typical 'do, and struck a heroic pose in the mirror.

"All senior officers report to the bridge," he said to the mirror in his schmaltziest Captain Kirk voice.

He ran into Sus outside the bathroom.

"Can I talk to you?" She looked up at him through her thick eyelashes. He shrugged. He tried to keep his eyes from traveling down to the neckline of the too-tight shirt. "I never said thank you for getting us all out of that crazy place."

He tried to think of something cool to say, but she pressed closer. "You must be, what, twenty?"

"I'm seventeen."

"Wow. You're really mature," she smiled at him. "And you must be some kind of saint to watch all these _children_ without losing your cool. Not _once._"

"They _are_ my friends. Uh, except for my brother." He smiled, it was nice to be appreciated.

"Yeah. I guess…" she looked at her feet. "Anyway, about what you said before? I don't really have a family anywhere to go, and I'm getting a little tired of this part of the galaxy, so I was wondering: could I come with you? I'll pay you whatever I've got and you won't have to take me far," she pressed closer and fluttered her eyelashes. Wakka developed a sudden case of Delayed Reaction Syndrome.

"Sure," he said, he didn't know how long, after she asked. "The more... the merrier?"

_Ahhh! I can't believe I just said that! Stupid! I'm so-o-o stupid!_

"You mean it?" she bounced and hugged him around the chest. "Oh, you'll hardly know I'm around! Thank you! _Thank you!"_ She kissed him on the cheek. Then a funny thing happened: the wind started to blow gently and angels sang.

She smiled at him and flounced back into the theater.

* * *

"Hey! Get offa me, ya freak!" he remembered someone saying to him.

"Oh. Sorry, wrong seat," he apologized.

"On drugs," the person grumbled as he stumbled around for his crew.

"Psst!" Locke whispered to him. "I got a message from Banon–"

"Shhh! Mulan is _talking_!" Zidane hissed at them and pointed at the screen. Wakka smiled dopily at him and gave him the 'okay' sign.

"What's with _you_? Didja hit your head when you fell in the toilet?" Chappu asked him.

Wakka rested his chin in his hand and stared at the screen, a dopey smile on his face.

"This movie is so romantic…" he said. Chappu stuck his tongue out.

* * *

The movie ended tragically, with the heroine conveniently dying before the relationship got stale. Wakka had trouble believing that _that_ constituted the greatest kind of love story ever told, but he was probably missing some important point about it, as usual. The crew staggered from the theater into the normal light and all sighed with relief.

"Truly thou art more than mortal man," Locke said to Zidane, who hummed the end theme.

"Yep," Zidane buffed his fingernails on his lacy cravat.

"Uh-oh. Guys, it's them!" Lilo gasped and pointed into the crowd of people waiting to buy tickets for the evening show.

"What the hell is _Christmas?_" Cid asked.

"What's a _Grinch?_" Leon asked.

"Quit yer griping," Yuffie said. "A deal's a deal and you lost. Be good losers. Right Aerith?"

"I don't _like_ slasher films," Aerith frowned. "Couldn't I just go to another theater?"

Yuffie looked at Seifer, expecting him to add his two cents, but he just jotted things into his notebook. _Scribble, scribble, scribble_, she thought. What's he writing in there? She made a mental note to swipe the notebook as soon as he fell asleep.

"Hey," Cid grabbed Leon's shoulder and pointed into the crowd leaving the theater. "Look over there!"

"That's the oldest, _dumbest_, trick in the book you guys," Yuffie said, but she turned to look anyway. Eight theater patrons stood rooted in place with frightened expressions on their faces.

Neither group moved for a second, until Aerith took it upon herself to yell: "Nobody move!" Several people in the crowd dove for floor and pulled out their hidden weapons to defend themselves from the supposed arrival of the Galaxy Police. Seifer fired a couple of shots in the air, everyone in the lobby hit the floor. People were either firing off random shots, running, tripping, or lying on the ground crying.

The children bolted.

* * *

"How'd they find us so fast?" Chappu gasped when the ducked into a dark hallway.

"Must be something on the ship they can track," Mog said.

"Banon called me, you guys," Locke said. "We have to get to the Returners, they can help us!"

"Nuh-uh," Chappu shot back. "We don't trust them! No organization does any good deed for free."

"You have to trust _somebody_," Locke looked at Wakka, who shook his head.

"You're not gonna get any help from me, I trust him. He's _nobody's_ fool," he said. Chappu grinned. Locke opened his mouth to argue some more, but Sus elbowed him in the stomach.

"There they are!" she nodded towards the pursuers in the crowded mall.

"Everybody," Mog opened an unmarked door. "Get in here."

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	16. 15 The Galaxy Song

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

The Galaxy Song is by and copyright Eric Idle (I think), from their movie Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.

* * *

**The Galaxy Song**

When Kairi was younger Dad used to take her on nature outings. He had a childlike fascination and love of marine life that he desperately wanted to share. One weekend he took her to the infamous Howler's Cave on the north end of the island.

"But _Dad!_ Everyone says that Howler's Cave is _haunted_, and Mom even said that a demon lives there!"

Dad sighed and kneeled down to look her in the eye.

"Beaker." He called her that because Mom used to see them in them together and called them Beaker and Bunsen. "You're not _afraid_ are you? Because it's okay to be afraid."

"I don't like demons," she admitted and he laughed.

"Demons aren't real."

"But Mom said!"

"There are plenty of natural, non-supernatural dangers," he said. "But with care we should be fine and even have some fun." He had an awkward smile that endeared him to many women who had nerd leanings. It was slightly guarded, but not in any way that caused her to distrust him. He was the most honest adult she knew. She wanted to be brave for him.

"What are we looking for today?" she asked brightly.

"We're going count the specimen living in the environment," he said. "Check the temperature of the water and test the content for..." he rattled off procedures. It didn't sound like a lot of fun, but she did like catching the fish for the aquarium in his library. He told her that the things she collected had a higher survival rate than his collections.

"Are you sure there isn't a demon, because Mom says–"

"Mom just likes to tell stories, it's all part of what she was raised to believe and she gets carried away. But you and me, we're both pragmatists. It's okay to be afraid to go into a dark, mysterious cave. Fear is healthy, but you won't do yourself any favors dressing it up as a demon or a bogeyman. We both know there's no such things as demons, angels, ghosts, or monsters. Right?"

"But Riku's dad said–"

Dad rocked back on his heels and laughed bitterly.

"_Never_ take anything that man says too seriously," Dad said in a strange tone, one which she eventually learned meant that he was talking more to himself than to anyone else. "He's deeply embedded in a _cult_, on top of that he's got emotional problems." Dad twirled his finger around his ear. "In fact, I want you to promise to never let his DNA anywhere near our superior gene pool."

"I don't understand... but okay!"

* * *

_Present..._

"I can't believe he actually said that!" Kairi said when she finished relating the memory to her boss.

"I'm not surprised. Don't let it bother you, I'm sure your little friend had to listen to the same kind of things." Frega hobbled down the front steps of the hospital with a tiny bit of difficulty. The crutches were made for dwarf-sized patients, not elves.

"I hate hospitals," Kairi said. They had to spend two days in the infirmary, too long for Kairi and (in her opinion) not long enough for her Master.

"That's a perfectly healthy sentiment," Frega agreed.

"'My good dwarves! Blah blah blabbidy-blah-blah!'" she imitated the pompous lead healer so perfectly that Frega snickered.

"Ah, on the road again. Nice-looking city," Frega nodded. "Good place to get lost in for a few days."

"A large population will not stop it," Kairi mumbled.

"Pardon?" Frega whirled on her. "What did you say?"

She never told him about the... the _gloom._ Her reason managed to muscle her survival instinct back into its cage and once reason was back in charge she realized that she couldn't tell anybody what happened in the woods. 'I was being followed by a feeling of gloom. No, I didn't see anything, it was just a _feeling._' Yeah. That'd go over well. _She_ didn't even believe it.

But still, when the lights went off in the hospital at night Kairi couldn't help pulling the sheets over her head and shutting her eyes tightly for fear of catching glimpse of that presence. She would open her eyes in the middle of the night, all unsuspecting, and _WHAM!_ It would be sitting at the end of her bed and she'd die of fright.

What if Mom and rest of the town was right? What if she'd gone off the deep end? And if so, when exactly did that happen? How much of her life did she make up?

"Don't mutter under your breath," Frega said when she didn't answer. "If you have something to say, then state it loudly and firmly. Only cowards and children mutter under their breath, it's passive-aggressive and I will not tolerate it."

"Yes, Master," Kairi rolled her eyes. "What are we going to do now, sir?"

They were going to spend the next week in a hotel, courtesy of the Loyal Order of Cactuars. The Grand Haboob felt personally responsible for Master Frega falling on the entertainer, as it was the Grand Haboob's grandfather that had the chute installed in the lodge for reasons they could no longer remember. The Grand Haboob even picked up the medical bill, which was fortunate because Frega's cuteness powers didn't work on dwarves; the dwarves were actually repelled by the combined adorableness of Kairi and Master Frega.

Frega stumbled on a broken step, Kairi reacted quickly and kept him from falling into the street.

"They released you too soon, sir. They didn't like us."

"Fine with me! We're not here to make friends."

"Yes, but if we make the entire city uncomfortable, who knows what they'll do if someone comes around asking questions."

"Why would it matter, are you on the run?" he chuckled.

"I thought we were..."

"Fortunately I don't pay for thinking," Frega stopped. "Which reminds me. It's payday." He handed her a small envelope with her name printed on the front.

"I get _paid?_" She held the envelope up to the fiery light of the underground. A choir of angels sang. "I've never gotten a paycheck before! Wow!"

"Yeah. It's a real milestone. And here's your company credit card. Mind, there's a three thousand gil limit on that thing, so don't be stupid with it."

There had to be a catch, he did not just hand her the means to escape, did he? Maybe she'd pay a trip to one of the hardware stores in the area and maybe she'd get herself one of the auto-crossbows she'd read about in _Antique Technogeek Monthly._ Hmm, and maybe then she'd run off and catch the next train outta Luca. She could be sitting on her front porch in a couple of days.

"Well, I wonder what my little apprentice could be thinking?" He got close and stared directly into her face. He had a little alcohol on his breath, and it was only nine in the morning! "Could she be plotting an escape attempt?"

"Master," she sighed. "Why would I ever want to leave you? You're so... creepy."

"Don't be _smart,_" he rapped her on the head. "Dream all you want, but if you've read your contract– and I'm sure a smart wittle cookie like you has– then you'd know that running off on the job will subject you to _terrible legal consequences!_ (Section II. Clause 8.)"

"I could get sued?"

"Not to mention that you'd have to spend the rest of your natural life maintaining that onion! You'd be blacklisted by the Black Wizard Council, never permitted to finish your training or have your soul put back in."

"Aw, you could find out something like that on the internet," Kairi said.

"Even if you did find some reliable soul-putsies-backsies instructions on some dork's blog, you'd never finish what you began. You'd be a never-was. You'd still be some potential victim and then some jerk would swoop down and kidnap you... then I'd have to come and rescue you! Do you know what happens then?" he asked shrilly.

"Wizard smackdown?"

"Yeah, and then I'd have to _marry_ you! Ugh!"

"Where'd you get that idea?"

"It's the standard hero's reward," Frega crossed his arms. "A kiss for the hero and a wedding to follow. There's no other reason to rescue damsels in distress."

"It's the decent thing to do, shouldn't that be enough? Maybe the princess and the hero can be friends..." Frega started to laugh. "Okay, maybe I could just pay you a lot of gold, that's acceptable, right?"

"Why would you even want to put yourself in that position?" Frega asked.

"I don't! I was just saying, a _real_ hero would not expect to be compensated for–"

"Do you really aspire to be a useless burden on your friends?" he asked sharply.

"No," she hung her head. "I was just _saying_," she said quietly.

"Good, less talking and more walk– er– hobbling. Now, onto training!"

Kairi groaned.

"Can't you just teach me how to fight?" Frega whipped around and smacked her. Kairi fell on her butt and blinked back tears. "_Oooouch!_"

"Your reflexes are too slow. It's magic or nothing. Just a matter of finding the right magic rock... Hmm, I have an idea."

He laboriously led her to the desolate fairgrounds on the edge of Luca, the historic location of the annual World's Fair. "Your training is going to be unorthodox as it is, perhaps we should put the fire spell aside for once and move on to lightning. It's not unheard of, some students have a deep-rooted fear of fire– perhaps there's some trauma in your past. Hmm?"

"I don't really know," she turned away, conveniently into a narrow stream of light from a crack in the ceiling above. She looked angelic and tragic. "Where did I come from? Where am I going? Everyday I struggle with these questions especially, because you see, I have amnesia–"

"That's great," he dismissed whatever she was going to say with a wave. "Whatever the case, turn to page thirteen and lets begin."

She memorized the spell and Frega took a precautionary step backwards.

"Now, just for good measure," he said. "I shall demonstrate this time; I don't like to waste perfectly good magic energy, so pay attention!"

"I'm watching," she resisted the temptation to roll her eyes.

Frega raised his staff and chanted the spell very carefully. A charge built up in the air very quickly and a small bolt of lightning sparked off the top of her head.

"_Yeowch!_" she grabbed her head and felt around for singed hair. Maybe this was the reason Black Mages wore hats– baldness.

* * *

_God, I need a shower._

It began to rain.

The District of Porom was an hour's walk from Sus' place, and even though the area was busy he tried to stay in the alleys much of the way. The barkeep at _Owain's_ had told him that Myrna had asked directions to the finest food in all the city, and so the man had directed her to Market Street– the strip of high-class restaurants where cooking talent went to die. Rich Mysidians didn't want _good_ food, they wanted _fad_ food. What the Praetor found when he got there were more pizzerias than he cared to see in the historic area. Little Nero's, Patsy's, Marinara Land... The smell of pepperoni was enough to give him heartburn.

_Why couldn't she have stayed at Owain's? _He hoped he'd find her before her ragged appearance attracted the attention of the City Guard, but the closer it got to the midnight curfew the more worried he became. The Guard wasn't the only danger in this city, there were all kinds of low-lifes who wouldn't think twice before pouncing on a woman on her own.

"Hey! Hey out-of-towner!"

For example, that street gang.

With everyone leaving the area for the night the only people left were a gang of young men loitering in the mouth of an alley. The obvious leader called out again and sauntered across the street to bar the Praetor's path. He considered knocking the idiot aside and going on, but reconsidered as the boys may have been the only ones paying enough attention to the people in the area to know if the Mayor passed through. Hell, they may even have been dumb enough to try and rob her.

"So, out-of-towner, what's new?" The boy grinned in what was a pathetic attempt to appear menacing, and though he did have a few inches on Baralai the others slowly got the sense that they were bothering the wrong guy. Baralai sighed a long-suffering sigh and pulled his gun on them. And since Mysidia was still a knife culture, the boys froze.

"Hey, what's the idea?" the leader said.

"I don't have a lot of time to waste, _kids_, so this won't take long. Have any of you seen a big woman with a, a... a _lizard_ run through here?" The boys looked at him as if he were crazy.

"Big? You mean like fat?"

"No, more like big in the shoulders," he corrected. "Tall, black hair–"

"I know who he means!" a one of the boys said. "The Mayor!"

"Oh. _The Mayor_," the other boys echoed.

"She introduced herself to you?" he asked incredulously.

"She asked directions," the leader said.

"Didn't see no lizard. Had a nice-looking _dragon_, though," one of the smart ass kids added.

A sharp noise boomed from the alley, almost similar to the sound of a shotgun. Several of the boys jumped and took off. The rest followed quickly, not wanting to get shot for sticking around.

Baralai ducked around an ornate statue (_Man-Bear-Pig in Recline_, damn the Committee For Public Art) and waited to see what would happen next.

A man who looked an awful lot like Garm the White Mage strolled into street and waved at him. "Incredible! I never thought I'd get to see _you_ again. Come out of there! It's me."

Without really knowing why, he turned the safety off on his gun and slowly stepped out.

"Good god! _Praetor Baralai_? What are you doing here, all the way from Destiny?"

* * *

One night, Riku, all of five or six, had come running into his room to tell him there was a monster under the bed. Not wanting to encourage a nightly ritual or a unreasonable fear of dark spaces he'd tried to reason with boy, but Riku was so insistent that he finally gave up and took a look.

At worst he expected to find a stray cat under the bed (it _was_ making noises) but he lifted the coverlet and was attacked by a scaly, toothy thing with more arms than any living thing ought to have. It had to have gotten in while he was moving the old bookshelf into the garden shed and left the door open; their house was on the edge of the town and right up against the jungle. He dispatched the thing, but not before it slashed him viciously across the belly. It was a close thing, any deeper and he would've been standing in his own guts.

The full horror of the situation didn't sink in until he and Riku retired for the night. The boy slept in his bed, neither wanted to be out of sight of the other.

* * *

It felt like the Night of the Scaly Thing Under the Bed. Something that seemed like a joke was clearly worse, much worse than he anticipated.

"Are you Garm? Or a twin?"

"What a small world," Garm said, ignoring the question. "So, how about this weather?" A couple of figures, clearly not human, formed from the deeper shadows. The atmosphere on Market Street got darker and colder around them.

Demons.

Demonic involvement did supply the answer for a difficult question: how did Garm, who was supposed to be rotting peacefully at the bottom of the harbor with a hole in his head, get out of that burlap sack? White Mages weren't so powerful that they could fix a wound like that, and no White Wizard can raise the dead.

"Where's your other friend?" Garm demanded. "Not the Mayor– but the man in black?"

"I don't know what you mean," Baralai lied. Cooperating with demons was a dangerous trap, do it once and they can find you wherever you go.

"The man in black! I did see him last time. I'm certain he's the one who got me back in Portico," Garm whistled sharply and called out to the shadows. "Spread out! Find him!" A frigid breeze wafted past, but Baralai didn't see anyone else. The owners of the surrounding buildings, sensing what was going on, pulled their shades down and locked their doors.

"Mr. Baralai."

"_Praetor_ Baralai," Baralai corrected him automatically.

"Whatever. You should know that there's no hard feelings for the bullet to the head," he put his index finger against his temple and mimed pulling the trigger. "Really. I understand that you got lucky. My quarrel's not with you."

"What is your quarrel?" His hands were getting damp with sweat, with all his experience with the supernatural the presence of demons still made him ill.

"Quarrel was the wrong word, it's more like a mission. By the way, have you seen the Mayor?"

"What are you?" He changed the subject. "You look too healthy to be a zombie, sound too intelligent to be a mere clone and you've walked in daylight so you're no vampire."

"You don't hear a question like that every day!" All heads turned toward a bodybuilder who stopped in the street. The man was tall with shoulders broader than any man he'd ever seen before and with that long mane of snow-white hair he looked like one of those models from the cover of a romance novel. He wore a very bright warm up suit, he glowed like an angel.

_Perfect. Some do-gooder from the gym, _Baralai thought.

Garm and his group didn't know what to make of this stranger who didn't even give the demons in the shadows the slightest acknowledgment.

"Hey-y-y," the stranger zeroed in on the Praetor's not-so-carefully concealed weapon and smiled. If the light on his teeth could make a sound it would've been 'ping!' "Is that a Grandpa Nambu? Does that actually still work? Did you restore that yourself?"

"We-ell, actually it's a slightly modernized replica," Baralai said. It was a gift from Galuf on the day he'd passed the rites and been knighted.

"It's beautiful."

"Thanks."

"Uh, excuse me?" Garm said. "Do you mind?" The man walked right past Garm and beamed down at Baralai.

"So. You're the Exiled One." The word _exile_ shot straight through Baralai's mental filters and he reacted on a gut-level completely free of reason or tact: he sucker-punched the man.

The stranger stumbled back a step and the demons burst into giggles that died away once they realized that the stranger was laughing behind his hands as well.

"Mind your own business you silly man," Garm growled and drew his falchion. "Go on! Beat it!"

"No," the man swept his luxuriant mane back. The demons sighed softly. "I don't have to, because I've got a gang of my own."

A couple of men _oozed_ out of the night. _Professional killers, and they've seen this sort of thing before,_ Baralai thought. The demons sniffled and scooted back. Garm frowned.

_I think... I know these men,_ he squinted at the newcomers. Yes, they definitely looked familiar, but he couldn't place them. Strange, he didn't think anyone could ever forget seeing someone like the man with the hammer. He looked like someone of Eblanese descent or possibly someone from the Tenger Valley given his remarkable height. He had that unmistakable blue-black hair; the small hands and feet; and long, narrow limbs that had a bandy, steel-spring strength.

The smaller man wasn't really a small man, he just looked small standing next to his giant partner. This weaselly man had sharp, delicate features; Baralai was reminded of Fry. The eyes constantly squinted and even his mouth looked like it was smiling when it wasn't. His dark brown hair was cut into a mohican style, and he dressed with the flamboyance of a space clown from a music video, he would've fit in on Destiny Island.

"See? This gentleman is with us, you'd better leave him alone," the body builder said.

"No, I don't think so," Garm flicked his sword back and forth between the three newcomers. "I told you this is none of your business."

"Considering that you're on my street, in front of my home, bothering my friend and _in my way– _I'd say this was my business," the body builder declared with a grandiose flip of his hair. (Baralai couldn't help but feel that the gesture kind of robbed the moment of its macho heroism.)

He looked back and forth between the men as they tried to stare each other down; it was a contest of will. The contest lasted a long time.

"Huh, pointless," Garm broke the stare. "What's your name, handsome?"

"I don't believe that has anything to do with your mission, _ekimmu_," the larger Eblanese man stepped forward, all eyes went to the giant war hammer slung over his back.

"I never want to see any of you on this street again," the body builder said, all traces of good humor were gone.

"Please...," Garm sneered. The Eblanese man instantly swung the massive hammer from his shoulders, the sound it made as he spun it around was very audible in the silent street.

"Alright, you showoff," Garm sighed. The demons melted into the darkness, and the night returned to normal. Garm sheathed his sword and strolled down a nearby alley in silence. Just like that, he was gone.

"Wow," Baralai said when the dark, cold taint in the air was entirely gone. "Thank you... and, I'm sorry I punched you in the face."

"It was nothing," the body builder shrugged. "Believe me, anyone who's taken a punch from Duncan is not going to whine about a little _slap._"

"Duncan? You've trained with _Master_ Duncan?"

"Verily! I am his student," the man flexed his muscles and posed dramatically.

Baralai was impressed, even out on Destiny he'd heard of Duncan. The legendary martial arts master had taught the even more famous martial arts hero, action movie star (and one of Riku's favorite actors) Sabin Figaro.

"Well, thank you again, I'm honored!" Baralai relaxed. Any student of _The_ Master Duncan had to be an honorable and trustworthy man. It looked like a little luck finally came his way. "It looks like you know me, but I've never had the pleasure of being introduced."

The man took Baralai's hand and shook it firmly.

"My name is Lord Vargas."

* * *

The gang spilled into a corridor filled with warriors in fancy armor. Half pushed their way in one direction while the other half (mostly paramedics and stretchers) went the other.

"We're in a battle arena!" Zidane rubbed his hands together and smiled. "You know what this means, eh Locke? All those rich gamblers..."

"Gambling's not really my thi– hey! I _do not_ appreciate that! I'm a TREASURE HUNTER!"

"Sure. There's lot's of _treasure_ to be 'found,'" Zidane smirked.

"We do need some gas money," Chappu said. "This battle arena, this wouldn't be a venue where it's legal to beat people up for money would it?"

"I wouldn't recommend it, it's easier to just go treasure hunting for wallets," Zidane said. "We better get lost before those nutty people find us."

"This way," Wakka headed in the direction the paramedics and the losers were going.

"I've got an idea," Chappu gasped. Chappu's little pupils looked like gil signs.

"Forget it, Chappu!"

"But–"

"No!"

"Uh-oh. Twelve o'clock!" Lilo pointed to the door the paramedics exited through. Two stubborn blonde men blocked the flow of traffic. Wakka didn't recognize Captain Seifer Almasy, having never come face to face with the guy, but he remembered Cid the angry star ship captain from the diner. The crew turned around and tried to blend in with the fighters going the other way.

"We might be able to dive under the stands," Sus said.

"People drop all kinds of disgusting things under there," Mog said.

"And loose change, I mean, _treasure._" Zidane said. Locke glared at the pilot.

"Come on, brother! I bet you'd be really good!" Chappu wheedled.

"Really good at _what_?"

"Fighting to the death?" Lilo said.

"It would appear that you only have to fight to the _pain_," Zidane amended, he raised an eyebrow at the number of stretchers going by.

"I thought the government outlawed blood sports," Sus said. Zidane shrugged.

"Come on, brother." Chappu did the puppy eyes, but he didn't have the naiveté to be completely believable. "I believe in you!"

"You look kind of sleazy," Lilo said.

"Where did such a sweet little girl pick up such a nasty word?" Sus asked.

"Hey, don't patronize me!"

"Come o-o-o-o-on, Wakka! Please? _Please?_" Chappu begged. "Pleasepleasepleaseplease–"

"Are you crazy? Look at these guys!" He glanced at the guy behind them, a man with muscles so big that Wakka doubted the guy could clap his hands. Spikes and blades stuck out from every angle of his armor. The glowing eyes flicked down at him. He turned around and pretended that he wasn't staring. "And what would Mom say?"

"She'd say it in two words or less, so it's not so bad. Don't be chicken, these guys don't look that tough," Chappu said. "It's all just for show, I bet you could take any one of these guys. Right Lilo?" Lilo looked up at Wakka and then at the guy behind him, the one who had to be a whole two feet wider in the shoulders and two feet taller.

"Oh, _sure. _You can do whatever you put your mind to." She leaned in and whispered to Wakka. "_Don't do it!_"

"That guy's in a totally different weight class," Chappu said. "I bet you could take down anybody who's only twice your size, I've seen you do it in the games!"

"That's different! Give it a rest, Chappu."

"Aw, don't say no until you at least see the guys you have to fight!"

"Maybe it's fake, like wrestling," Mog said. "That's why I prefer the ballroom dance competitions myself. It's all real baby!"

"Excuse me," Spikey Armor Guy interrupted. "But this is not a fake sport. We are serious, well-trained athletes. But you are correct in assuming that a little fly weight like this boy here–"

"Hey!" Wakka objected.

"–wouldn't be matched against an old pro like me! Not for a few years anyway. He looks like he could do alright in the lower-rung competition though I'd suggest he eat a sandwich or something or Dio'll turn him away at the scale! Ha ha! I mean those have got to be the thinnest little wrists I've ever seen! And those thumbs look like they haven't seen much action beyond a video game controller!"

"What's the purse?" Chappu asked. Wakka scowled. He'd think of a good comeback much later.

"For a beginner? Five hundred for the first round."

"_Five hundred?_" the crew echoed.

"That is a lot," Wakka admitted.

"Yep. Championship Thumb-Wrestling is no sport for the dilettante!" Spikey Armor Guy held out his hands and flexed his double-jointed thumbs.

The crew looked at the strange man and then back at Wakka. Would their barely competent leader accept the challenge, or chicken out?

_Thumb-wrestling? _Wakka had to smile. He was the Tri-Island Thumb-wrestling champ!

"Where do I sign up?"

* * *

"Something doesn't seem right here." Wakka looked nervously across the arena floor where the words 'The Brave Don't Fear The Grave' had been painted on the mat in red. _Well _that's_ encouraging_, he thought. For some crazy reason there were weapons all over the floor. Chappu stood next to him in the pit beside the ring.

"That's the stage fright talking!"

"But I don't get stage fright. There sure are an awful lot of dark stains on this floor, dark red..."

"Concentrate. You're a jock! Full of unrestrained aggression, grrr!"

"What about all those people on the stretchers, and would you look at _that_!" His opponent, Bloody Murder, stepped out into view. There was an explosion of cheering, several busty women threw rose petals over the big, ugly brute.

Bloody Murder's enormous upper body was carried into the ring on his tiny little legs. He sniffed the air like an animal, pretended to notice Wakka for the first time and growled at him.

"_MEAT!_" he roared, the thick veins on his neck bulged. His handler gave him a cannon ball. Bloody Murder held it up for the crowd to see and the spectators shrieked even louder. The thick fingers closed over the ball and after much theatrical grunting and vein pulsing the cannon ball burst under the pressure. Fragments rained into the wild crowd and bounced across the arena.

"Ladie-e-es and gentlemen!" the announcers boomed. "Welcome to the ultimate in alternative battling. We're not talking about cards, or one-on-one melee fighting, but the _ultimate_ ultimate!

"Welcome to _Championship Thumb-Wrestling!_"

"Bloody Murder! Bloody Murder!" the crowd chanted.

"Our returning champion needs no introduction–"

"_Meat!_"

"–in the red corner, Blo-o-o-dy Murder!"

"Boo!" Wakka's crew yelled.

"And our challenger tonight, the stunning, the sensational, _the amazing Spiderman–_"

The crowd went nuts again.

"–will _not_ be competing tonight. Instead we bring you the small-town jock everyone loves to _hate_, Wakka!"

It was an amazing trick, how silent everyone got so suddenly. Wakka could swear he heard a cricket chirp.

"Ouch," Chappu said.

Bloody Murder laughed at Wakka, sweat was already forming on the freakish man's face. Wakka held out his arm for the ref to secure to his opponent.

"Rules are simple," the ref explained as he tied their wrists together, "pin the opposing thumb down for three seconds to win. Losing consciousness results in an automatic forfeit. Good luck."

"Get ready to cry to mommy!" Bloody Murder growled.

"I'll thank you not to talk about my-"

The bell rang. Bloody Murder twisted Wakka's arm back and lunged to the floor for one of the blunt weapons. The joints in Wakka's fingers popped. Wakka squealed like an animal and tried to pull away. Bloody Murder seized a dull battle-ax from the floor.

"You want to give up already?" Bloody Murder laughed and swung down. Wakka dodged the axe and saved his, er, nominal looks from rearrangement.

"This isn't right!" Wakka screamed. Bloody Murder shoved him to the ground, dislocated his shoulder, and drove his elbow into Wakka's lower back. Up until that point it was the most painful moment in Wakka's life.

"_My kidneys!_"

Bloody Murder laughed.

"Brother! Pay attention to the real fight!" Chappu called. Bloody Murder tried to wrap his unwieldy thumb around Wakka's normal-sized digit and force it down. Thinking quickly, Wakka grabbed a rusty dagger and stabbed Bloody Murder in the foot. Creepily, his opponent didn't scream, he just tightened his grip on Wakka's fingers and dislocated the ones he hadn't completely mangled the first time around. He jumped on the boy again, this time concentrating on a new spot.

"_Aaah! My liver!_"

Frustrated, Bloody Murder stood up and prepared to jump on him again. Wakka reacted quickly to save his endocrine system from certain death. He rolled onto his back and gave Bloody Murder a bloody nose.

"Alright!" Zidane yelled. "Hit him again!"

Bloody Murder backhanded Wakka. Even though his vision became blurry Wakka could see the tiny little star that circled above his head.

"This doesn't have to get ugly, kid," Bloody Murder said. "Just stay down."

"Lookout! He's closing in!" Chappu screamed. Wakka wiggled his thumb from Bloody Murder's just before the man could lock him down.

"Big mistake, stupid!" Bloody Murder stood up.

_I don't think I can last another attack._ Wakka looked speculatively at his opponent, the man was all hair and muscle, a steroid freak. There was no way Wakka could win in a fair fight against this guy.

"Kick him in the _balls!_" Chappu screamed.

_But I always play fair,_ Wakka thought, and a terrible moral dilemma would've been raged even as Bloody Murder smacked his lifeless little body on the floor over and over... if his back hadn't started to spasm. _Ah, to hell with it._

Wakka pulled his good kicking leg up (his back felt like it was literally on _fire_,) and slammed it up into Bloody Murder's wide crotch.

Bloody Murder's tiny mouth dropped open. He looked at Wakka with a confused expression.

"Hit him again!" his crew called.

So Wakka kicked him once, twice, three more times; and on the third kick Bloody Murder threw his head back and screamed.

"_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!_"

And in a moment that would haunt Wakka's nightmares for the rest of his life, Bloody Murder's head exploded.

The torturous grip finally relaxed, in fact, Bloody Murder's hand went completely limp. Wakka held down the opposing thumb and ref came over and declared him the winner by default.

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	17. 16 Precious

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

Precious is by and copyright Depeche Mode, from their album Playing the Angel.

* * *

**Precious**

The fairgrounds had a few large sooty spots across the empty lots, each with a reversed, spread-eagle-Kairi-shaped mark in the middle.

Kairi got up out of the last spot, brushed the soot and dirt from her coat and trudged towards the city.

"Look. You left your mark on the world again," Frega laughed and laughed. "Hey, where do you think you're going?"

"To buy a gun," she rasped. She expected another blow to the head, but he just sat on his haunches and flipped through his day planner.

"Don't be too long," he said.

* * *

She got as far as the Seventy Cent Store before guilt made her turn back around. She didn't like magic, but she wasn't a quitter either...

It hit her.

"I've got stockholm syndrome," she said. A bum in the near alley looked at her and quickly looked away. "He's _brainwashing_ me! _Me!_" The only cure for this was to do something reasonable.

_I have to call Mom..._ her heart constricted. She went into the store and asked to be directed to the phone.

* * *

Destiny Island had all the latest technology in communications; unfortunately, the limited wealth of the town allowed only one phone for the entire island. That little commodity fell under the watchful eye of Paul the Merchant, owner of the only grocery store in town. He was busy brooding over the sudden drop in business when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Paul?"

"_Kairi_?" the sound of the phone being shifted, "Is that you?"

"It is!" Kairi wiped a little tear from her eye.

"Where have you been, girl? You know the Mayor went looking for you weeks ago?" More little tears fell on her cheeks.

"I got caught up in something, Paul, but I'm okay. I'm okay!"

"That's good to hear, did you need some money, Kairi? Are stranded?" She would've loved to stay on the phone and listen to Paul's sincere voice for hours.

"I'm fine, Paul. I just wanted to ease my Mom's worries, that's all."

"Well, she did leave town already. I'm sorry."

"That's okay. Has anyone seen my Dad yet?"

Paul was quiet for a couple of seconds. Kairi remembered that she was supposed to be in some tragic denial about a bunch of unexplained deaths. Damn, why couldn't people just hold out a little hope?

"No, darling."

"I can't stay long," the pity in his voice annoyed her, "but if you hear from my Mom, could you tell her that I called? Tell her I'm fine, tell her that I'm in Luca. Okay?"

"_Luca?_"

"Bye, Paul!"

* * *

The call cut her paycheck in half.

When she had her composure in place and returned to the fairgrounds she discovered a short note written in the dirt: Went To Caves. A precise arrow pointed towards a towering wall of black rock and several old barricades covered with black and yellow caution tape.

Was this supposed to teach her something? She grit her teeth. He wanted to play in the dark? Fine. With her glowing onion in hand she headed for the shadows.

"Master? Master! Yoo-hoo!"

_What a dump._ Kairi stood in the low archway plastered with generations worth of DANGER signs. They were a surefire way to attract bored teenagers. She could see their graffiti all over the place, and all the beer cans, broken glass, and burned out cars looked so strange against the background of broken monoliths. Here a cracked face watched over the old dump; and there lay a giant fountain on its side. Kairi picked her way through the junkyard, making sure not to scratch herself on anything, she really didn't want to go to the hospital again.

"Master?" she called again. _This place is a maze _and_ a-mazing! _Dad would've loved that pun.

She found him sitting atop a pile of cut slabs sketching the stones arranged in a careful circle around him. He was pretty good at it. She peered over his shoulder and watched a group of soldiers take shape beneath the chalk in his thin fingers.

Frega didn't appear to notice her sidling up so close to him. She thought she could get away with kissing him on the cheek.

"Don't even think about it," he said when she puckered her lips. He looked up from the notebook and glared at her. "If you _ever_ attempt to do that, then say Fare Thee Well To Thy Eyebrows. I can cast lightning spells that'd melt your genes to a puddle!"

"Grouch," Kairi sniffed. "What are you doing?"

He nodded at the arrangement of stones, large pieces that she would never believe anyone had the strength to move. The stones formed a mural, a story of some battle.

"The dwarves used to live underground, _way_ underground, more than four thousand years ago," he explained. "They migrated to the surface and brought all of their handiwork, even the ancient palace of the Dwarf King. Bit by bit they moved pieces upward and reassembled everything here."

"And they threw away the stuff that broke?"

"I'm sure they had every intention of repairing everything that held significance. Look at this. _This_ one, they probably didn't even realize its value." He waved at the length of stones. "Do you know what story this tells?"

"Some old battle?" she fidgeted. History was so dull– except for documentaries about war machines.

Frega gave her one of those looks that said she was close to getting her ears boxed. Kairi got up and took a closer look at the warrior leading the attack.

"What's that he's riding?"

Frega looked at her in surprise.

"Surely your educational system isn't so dismal that you haven't heard of a _horse_?"

"I know what a horse is! I've never seen one with that many legs."

"Alright, it's a badly realized horse. Dwarves didn't see much of 'em underground."

He shut his drawing journal and hopped to the ground.

"Come on, Jailbait," he sighed. "Let's get back to work."

* * *

"Welcome to tonight's episode of _The Dating Game!_"

Bright lights and cheesy game show music roused Baralai out of his doze. He was sitting on a high stool in the middle of a pink and red nightmare of a set in his dress uniform. Vargas strode from offstage, cards in hand, stage makeup plastered on and a huge grin.

"I'm your host Lord Vargas, bringing you voyeuristic vultures– or loyal viewers– in on the most dangerous game ever played with the human heart. Tonight's victim is a forty-two-year-old exiled Dragoon Knight from the Island of Destiny. He's divorced, a father, a smuggler and an avid collector of the works of Danielle Steel. His hobbies include drinking, sunbathing, wine-tasting, museum critiquing and antique collecting." He winked conspiratorially at the camera and stage whispered. "And in case you're wondering ladies, yes, the carpet does match the drapes."

Baralai sat with his mouth open, humiliated and horrified while the audience made catcalls and whistled. Vargas rolled his eyes.

"There's no accounting for taste with some people, am I right?

"Last week we sent our hopeless case on a date with three lovely ladies wa-a-ay out his league, and tonight we're going to hear how it all went. Are you ready?"

The audience clapped and yelled.

"Will our lovely ladies please join us on the set?

"Our first bachelorette is a dancer who divides her time between her career and her hobby as a real estate broker, please give a warm welcome for Miss Ruby!' Ruby stepped out onto the stage wearing a tight Little Miss Bo-Peep outfit that was cut to show off her two talents. She waved at the audience and bowed forward slightly, almost coming out of her top.

"And our second bachelorette is a barista from lower Mysidia who's hobbies include making shit up and home wrecking– Miss Mary _Susiana!_" Sus ran onto the stage wearing a gold bikini.

"Hi-eee!" she hopped up and down and waved both arms at him.

"And finally we have our third bachelorette, a belly dancer from Eblan who likes dogs and long walks on the beach. Give a warm welcome to the pleasurable Miss Shad-_elle_!"

Shadow danced onto the stage, swinging his roomy hips in ways that seemed impossible for normal human bodies.

_It's creepy, _Baralai thought,_ but he sure has a nice set of– eearrrgh! Must... gouge out... own... eyes...!_

"This must be some horrible dream," he said out loud.

"So ladies, how did your dates go?"

"Awful!" Ruby crossed her arms.

"Okay I guess," Sus shrugged.

"As long as I get paid…" Shad-elle said.

"Awww," the audience said sympathetically.

"Dear me!" Vargas put a hand over his chest. "And we had such high hopes! What happened?"

"It started out all right," Ruby said, "But once we got to dinner he would _not_ shut up about his ex! I mean, _come on!_ What woman wants to hear that? Then as we were leaving this Dr. Unne guy comes up to us and accuses me of being a hooker! And did he defend me? Oh there was some punches thrown, but I got the feeling it wasn't even about me.

Worst date ever."

"Please. You just don't understand him," Sus rolled her eyes at Ruby. "He's sensitive! For example: after our fabulous date we had beautiful movie sex under a star-filled night. He cried for about a half hour afterward. True story."

"Why god? Why?" Baralai put his head in his hands and muttered while the audience died of laughter.

Laughter... he heard someone laughing.

His eyes opened. He was under a painfully bright light, and it was the only source of light in the room. He pushed the swinging arm of the accent lamp away and blinked.

"Excuse me?" Baralai said. "Hello?" He sat up on a plush couch in a gloomy living room.

"Yes?" Vargas answered from the dim corners. He walked into the light with the weaselly man behind him.

"Where's Myrna?" he asked the man. His own voice didn't sound right in his ears and he had a massive headache.

"Madame Mayor? Oh dear," Vargas sighed. "We don't know. There's been an accident, you're confused."

Baralai tried to stand up, but the floor wobbled under his feet.

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of you. We're _very_ interested in your health."

"Where am I?" The memories started to come back. He'd been looking for the Mayor, and he ran into _Garm_– that wasn't a dream was it?

"You're safe in an undisclosed location."

"I'm in your house, aren't I?" Baralai stood up, even if the room spun. "And... and you goons _clubbed_ me!" He rubbed the back of his head where a large knot was forming.

"It was an accident," weasel-man said, his eyes shifted back and forth like a cartoon character's.

"A _miscommunication,_" Vargas amended.

"What do you want? Is _this_ how you intended to treat the Mayor?"

"Oh stop it!"

A young boy joined them from the shadows. Baralai put his age around ten or twelve, he was sunburned, he had an insolent look in his eye, and his hair... It was all spiked up the center and blue.

"Whine, whine, _whine!_" the kid reprimanded. "You're a dragoon knight! You're tough enough to take a little beating!"

_Flashback..._

"Whine, whine, _whine!_"

"Master... I'm just a little... ugh... concerned...," a sixteen-year-old Baralai shuffled into the teacher's area with a spreading blood stain on his chest. He could barely move for the pain, to say nothing of the wooden training spear still protruding from his back.

"So go to the infirmary and take a number! Be a man!"

_End flashback..._

"I know you," Baralai said. "You're that kid who gave me the invitation!" The boy backed up a couple of steps before the large man with the hammer kicked him forward. It was such a small movement from the man, but the little body hit the floor as if thrown and suddenly the brat was just a delicate little child. The boy picked himself up glared defiantly.

"Errol is my charge, sir," the man said. "If he's said or done anything disrespectful I will deal with him."

"Who are you?"

"Captain Ysamir Antilles, lancer," the man saluted.

"And I'm Os," the little weaselly man added. "Formerly of Os and Steve."

Baralai ignored the loathsome man and stared at the only other knight left in Mysidia– not even the old woman knew about this one. "What are you doing here? I've looked everywhere in this city for one of you and here you were the whole time?"

"There's not much time to explain–"

"There never is."

"I have obligations, sir," the captain said quietly.

"To me," Lord Vargas stepped in between the men. "And to our Society."

"Are you aware of what the Governor's done?" Baralai ignored Vargas.

"Oh yes, sir. _Fully_. I've been monitoring the situation closely and I can tell you, happily, that most of the contents of the Vault are on their way to alternate locations."

That the man would openly speak of this in front of people outside of the Order absolutely baffled the Praetor. But there were more pressing concerns.

"Do you know what I had to do today for the old cleaning woman to find out this information that you could've told me?" Baralai demanded. He pulled off his shirt and showed them the deep scratches on his back. Eyebrows were raised. "You see? _Do you see?"_

"Uh," Captain Antilles hesitated.

"I had to help her rearrange her bedroom. She wouldn't make up her mind about the new layout... moving that damned armoire _all day_! And then her cat attacked me!"

"Sir. I'm sorry."

"Don't feel bad, sir," Errol said. "She does that to everybody, she's just lonely."

"I kind of got the feeling she just likes to watch men lift things," Captain Antilles said. All three of them stood quietly lost in their own horrific thoughts, Baralai absent-mindedly scratched at his arms.

"I'm so sorry about Captain Antilles and Os' behavior," Vargas waved at them to get their attention. "They just forget how to deal with civilized people after a while. No harm done, I hope?"

"What do you want?" Baralai snapped, pulling his shirt back on.

"Only to talk." Vargas looked at him earnestly. It was an expression that Baralai didn't trust. "Please. Would you like a drink?"

"I think I'd rather just go, if you don't mind," Baralai headed for the door.

"You can't go yet."

"Why? Because you're holding me against my will?"

"Of course not! That's ridiculous," Vargas blocked his path. "I would just like to take this opportunity to offer you a job."

"I thought you wanted to offer the _Mayor_ a job; speaking of which, it's the middle of the night and she's still missing– goodnight."

"Please, hear us out," Vargas scurried back toward the noisy shadows. The lights in the room finally went up to reveal that they were surrounded by dozens of robed and hooded figures.

"Well? What do you think?" Vargas asked.

"I think you're creepy."

"But wait!" On that cue the figures opened their robes to show the glittery dance costumes beneath.

"Believe it or not," Baralai's eyes swept across the lines of dancers, "this actually makes me feel worse."

"We aren't creepy, we're the _good_ guys!" Os said. "We are... _The Society of the Black Wave._"

_Uh-oh, I sure hope this isn't going where I think it is._ However, he could hear the faint sound of a live orchestra tuning up and that made him nauseous. Musicals and the supernatural– he couldn't stand them.

"Four thousand years ago–" Vargas began, but Baralai cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it, okay?"

"But our secret origin–"

"Ancient threat spells end of existence as we know it. We get people saying the same kind of nonsense all the time." Usually this nonsense comes from an eclectic group of warriors who sail into port and attempt to openly ransack every house in town.

"Well yes but–"

"You're looking for a powerful talisman."

"Right, and–"

"You need my help."

"In a roundabout way–"

"Get a life." He stepped around Vargas, the crowd of jerks in fishnet stockings muttered to each other.

"Sir," Captain Antilles met him at the living room door. "Please, hear these people out. Most of them are useless, but I do believe that the danger Lord Vargas speaks of is very real."

"You do?" The word of a knight had a lot more weight than a secret society hobbyist, but still... "Then you should take care of things through the proper channels. _Don't encourage the crackpots_." He didn't care if Lord Vargas and his geeks could hear him.

"Please listen, sir. I should think you'd be interested in the immediate safety of your friends, the Unnes."

"I should hope that for your sake that wasn't a _threat,_" he whispered.

"No, sir. I mean to say," he leaned in, "they don't intend to let you leave this city, sir, and _the last one to see Dr. Unne alive is in this room."_ The Praetor whirled around and stalked back into the living room.

"Alright, let's get this over with."

"What?" Vargas blinked.

"You heard me. You win. Sign me up for the _crazy club!_" Baralai cried.

"You don't have to be rude about it," Vargas was completely thrown by the reversal, but it was enough to bring a smile to his face. "Really?"

"You've convinced me. Completely! Yes, I'll help save the world! How could any moral person do otherwise?"

"This is wonderful! I am so glad that you're so reasonable," Vargas swept his hair back again in a movement that was getting irritating. "You have no idea how obstinate people can be! And we didn't even have to offer you the monkey!"

"The monkey _is_ a nice incentive, sir," Captain Antilles said.

"Leave us! We have much to discuss!" Vargas waved the lackeys away. They were incredibly disappointed that they didn't get to perform their song and dance. Eventually they all filed out and only Os and Captain Antilles remained. Vargas wandered over to the bar and poured himself a drink. "_Would_ you like a monkey? They're great around the house."

"No thanks, I'm never home often enough to keep pets," Baralai casually looked around for the exit.

"I wonder what the Captain said to you to make you change your mind," Vargas said. He looked over his glass at the Praetor with a measuring gaze. "Errol told you about Dr. Unne, didn't he?" Baralai shrugged, outwardly he was completely at ease. "The boy has been difficult to control; kids think they know everything."

"Everybody thinks they know everything. Don't punish the boy for his impetuosity, I wouldn't have paid much attention to you if you didn't have information about the good doctor. Where's he been for the past two months?"

"And you're concerned? I heard that the two of you were bitter enemies." Vargas was looking at him carefully. Baralai remembered that their initial target had been Myrna and that Antilles had hinted that Dr. Unne may be dead (or that he was alive but the last person to see him in that condition was... why the hell does everyone have to be so vague?)

"The man's ego won't let him do anything that didn't glorify his intellect, he's become completely self-serving. I assumed that he decided to leave his family and his life because he felt entitled to greater things, it's no secret that he's unhappy. But since he didn't see fit to let the mortals know his intentions I can't say for sure.

"I only care about the town and my friend. If the man's dead, great, the Mayor needs closure. If he's alive and well and he doesn't care about her anymore..."

"Based on your personal experience, wouldn't dead be better?" Vargas asked, swirling his drink.

"Maybe, but not knowing either way isn't doing much for our town."

"That's funny, I thought you guys left town to investigate the illegal transfer of the island's ownership, and to find a missing girl. I thought this wasn't about the doctor at all. I thought that as soon as she had this little 'mission' that she'd taken a step towards living a life independent of the man."

"Lord Vargas, I told you why I cared; would you mind telling me what your interest in this little soap opera would be? And why you or your underlings felt it necessary to burgle my house?"

"The book," Vargas laughed. "Sorry about that, that was all Errol. He's the lowest of the low in your Order and naturally he was fascinated by you and your son, and your life. We were only interested in the Unnes.

"Do you know the odds of finding a natural White Wizard?"

* * *

The odds of finding a natural White Wizard are said to be one in a million. That means in a country with one million people you _may_ find an individual with the inherent ability to cast White Magic. Anyone can go to The Center of White Magic in Burmecia and learn to practice medicine; a small number of those may discover the ability to work with magical energy and become competent Mages; an even smaller number can devote all their energy to the study and become White Wizards; but one person in a million will be able to cast the more powerful spells and do so without the use of energy-storing devices, stones, or Mist treatments– natural White Wizards. This ability manifests itself in various ways, some wizards are immune to poisons, a couple had lived freakishly long lives, and others have the ability to heal themselves.

Though he was an active child, Dr. Unne didn't have a scar on his body until some group tried to vivisectify him when he was fifteen. After that it seemed that Unne actively tried to collect scars and made a conscious effort not to let them fade. That was the drawback to Mankind's Gift, in spite of the records of tragic loss and disaster some people still believed that the GIft could and ought to be controlled and studied.

Baralai didn't like Zephram Unne, but he prayed that this secret society wasn't holding the doctor in some secret lab and trying to open him up to see how he worked.

Errol had said that they wanted Myrna to convince Unne to do something, and now they no longer seemed concerned about getting to her. Did they kill him?

"One in a million. So you know," Baralai shrugged. "How did you find out?"

"We have members who attend the Center and were able to check the records," Vargas said. In the face of Baralai's apparent nonchalance on the subject Vargas relaxed.

"Makes sense." _Idiots! Careless Incompetents!_

"He would've been a considerable ally in our struggle," Vargas explained.

"Or a tool," Baralai said. Vargas flinched at the idea, he actually _flinched._

"Good god! We're not monsters!"

"You orchestrated his disappearance?"

"Well, it was only going to be a temporary disappearance," Vargas said guiltily. "We isolated him, explained ourselves and offered him the opportunity to help us– and he did accept the offer, by the way."

Baralai didn't believe a word of it.

"What happened next was a, a miscommunication, there may or may not have been threats issued by a former member of the society. Unne took it all the wrong way, and then that freak storm came up, ship capsized, many men lost. It's too horrible to go into," Vargas refilled his glass. Master Duncan would've disapproved of his student's substance abuse.

"Errol told me that Dr. Unne was alive, and I can see no reason for you to bother the Mayor if he were dead," Baralai said. _You manipulative, cruel bastard,_ he thought.

"True," Vargas grimaced. "We suspected that he went into hiding after we lost him in that freak storm, I mean, he's invincible is he not?"

"Guy can drown like anyone else."

"Ah, really. Didn't know that. Probably a good thing we didn't, believing he survived we set up a network of informants, and lo and behold he turned up. We don't know where he is, exactly, but we're zeroing in on his location."

"And you were going to get his wife to help plead your case once you found him," Baralai said with a faint smile.

"Absolutely! And once we found out that the Enemy had taken his daughter we thought she'd surely want our protection and she'd help."

"And who's this enemy?"

Vargas winked and waggled his finger at him.

"Ah-ah! Soon, all will be revealed."

_I sense an insanely long and pointless monologue coming. I better get out of here before _I_ start talking like this._

"I need to use your bathroom," he stood up. He could see Captain Antilles and Os sitting on the couch playing with Game Station handhelds. Vargas didn't look all that alert either.

"Right down the hallway and up the stairs to the left."

"Thank you."

He walked out of the study and down the hall, opened the front door and walked out of the house.

* * *

"You're the first opponent to beat Bloody Murder since his winning streak began! How do you feel?" One of the arena staff asked.

"I feel," Wakka held his aching stomach and thought for a moment. "Faint." Zidane and Locke had him by the arms and were keeping him upright.

"I can't believe a little guy like you beat Bloody Murder." Dio, the speedo-wearing owner, insisted on presenting the winners with their checks personally. So Wakka had been escorted up the longest flight of stairs to the owner's box. A small crowd gathered on the red carpet, a photographer slowly set up his camera to record the moment and a nurse pulled all of Wakka's fingers straight.

"Good god, kid," she checked his ribs. "You're built like a brick shithouse, I thought for sure you'd be, y'know, _dead_."

"Hey, bro, look what I got," Chappu opened his hand. A glistening eyeball with the optical nerve still attached lay in his grimy palm. "Souvenir, heh heh," Chappu chuckled. Wakka slapped the disgusting thing out of his hand.

"And now, here is your prize!" Dio handed Wakka a slip of paper. "Five hundred..._ battle points_!" There was a blast of cheesy fanfare music. Dio threw a handful of confetti over Wakka.

Wakka choked. Chappu turned a pretty shade of pink.

"Battle points, hm," Locke said calmly. "And about how much is that in _munny?_"

"Nothing," Dio said.

"Nothing? Then what was the whole point?" Sus demanded.

"The point is to collect points and trade them in for something rare!"

"Oh _wonderful_, it's like that crappy pizza place in Pravoka," Chappu said. "So what's worth 500 battle points and peeing blood for a week? Candy necklaces? _A superball?_"

"Well, first you get this complimentary camera from the Gerad Foundation," Dio handed Wakka an antique-looking 35 mm camera with a large flashbulb attached to it. The thing weighed a ton. Chappu took it away before it slipped out of his hands.

"Here you go," Chappu handed the camera to Lilo.

"Sweet! Thank you."

"Are you sure you don't want to continue?" Dio asked. Wakka growled in way that was disturbingly similar to Bloody Murder. Dio held up his hands and took a step back. "Alright. Then, Bob, tell us what he's won!"

"It's a _brand new living room set!_" The hidden announcer yelled. The far wall lifted to reveal a sofa and loveseat set, two end tables and a huge slab coffee table rotating in a display with a couple of smiling models. "This sofa and loveseat combo are accented with a three-piece carbonite set..." the announcer rattled off the list of qualities. The crew 'oohed' and 'ahhed' over the tasteful but dull set valued at fifteen hundred munny.

"And it's all yours for the low price of 480 BP!" Dio said and put a hand on Chappu's shoulder.

"Please don't touch me," Chappu said and tried not to look at Dio.

"Smile everyone!" Lilo called. Stitch helped her hold the camera straight while she waited for the crew to pose for the picture. "Say cheese!" The powerful flash went off.

"_Ouch!_"

"My eyes!"

"Something's wrong with Locke!" Sus screamed.

Locke lay on the floor, twitching and drooling excessively. The curtains in the display area were on fire, and the natural leather seats were scorched.

"That's just disgusting, hey kid, knock that off!" Dio nudged Locke with his foot.

"There they are!" Aerith shouted. Cid, Seifer and Aerith stood behind the partition that separated the owner's box from everyone else.

"Everybody _freeze!_" Seifer ordered. "You are all under arrest!"

"On what charge? How _dare_ you imply that we're doing anything illegal? Thumb wrestling is _not_ a blood sport! _Lawyers!_" Dio roared. Five men in expensive business suits leapt between Dio and Seifer, briefcases open.

"I'm not talking about _you_, idiot!"

"Lilo. Take their picture!" Mog whispered.

Lilo lifted the camera to her eye and pressed the shutter.

A wall of flames swept across those unlucky enough to be in the path of the camera's extremely powerful flash. Spectators scattered in an attempt to find a water fountain or a clear space to put out of their burning clothes.

"Let's get out the frell outta here!" Chappu said.

"Here, jump on the furniture," Dio said. "We'll beam it directly to your ship's hold."

"That sounds dangerous," Mog said.

"Or you can fight your way past them, _I'm_ not picky," Dio pointed beyond the lawyers at the angry Cid and even angrier Seifer. Zidane and Sus dragged Locke onto the couch, Wakka sat down on the loveseat, Lilo, Stitch and Mog climbed on top of the coffee table.

"Thanks for the camera!" Lilo said to Dio.

"Ha! No problem little girl! As for you, Wakka, come back and fi– I mean, _thumb-wrestle_ again, young man!"

The battle arena disappeared in a haze of special effects and light.

* * *

Instantaneously the whole furniture set and seven people burned to a bright red shine (one of them flailing violently and drooling) appeared in the Altoona's cargo hold. Everyone screamed from the instant sunburn.

"_Aaah! Aaaah!_ Let's never do that again!" Sus cried.

"Wow!" Chappu said, his enthusiasm not at all dampened by the first-degree burns on his legs, arms, and face. "Just like on... uh, some show I heard about that I never watch."

"Zidane, start the engines," Wakka said miserably, trying to move as little as possible. The pilot slowly got up and shuffled towards the service ladder.

"Water, water," Stitch limped off towards the kitchen area with Lilo in tow.

"Should we put something under his tongue?" Chappu kneeled by Locke. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know! We have to take him to the hospital!" Sus screeched.

"Blblblblblblblbl... urk!" Locke foamed at the mouth.

"Calm down everybody, and get yourself to a seat– with seat belts, Chappu," Wakka said.

"Hey guys!" Chappu leaned over the coffee table. "You've got to see this!"

* * *

The three men of the Black Wave Society stood patiently for a few minutes longer before Captain Antilles said in his mild-mannered way:

"I don't think he's coming back."

* * *

_To Be Continued_


	18. 17 Pride

**The World Of Destiny Island**

A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...

Pride is by and copyright U2, from their album The Best of 1980-1990.

* * *

**Pride**

"Fine. Whatever. _You_ need hard evidence… _I_ go by faith."  
"OK. I'm a _realist_… you're an _idiot_. I _get_ it."  
–The Dreamland Chronicles

It was far too early in the morning to get any light; she didn't hear a sound. She woke because of a dream, but she couldn't remember it.

_Probably another gory dream, _she thought as she rolled out of bed. Time for a trip to the little dwarf's room…

The hotel carpet felt prickly under her bare feet, it had been shampooed to a stiff, spiky torture mat. Even out here it was silent as death, and that gave her the heebie geebies.

What had that dream been about anyway? Her nightclothes were damp with sweat, and she had a tight, nervy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She looked around to make sure no one would catch her digging around in the ice machine with her bare hands.

When she got back to the room she saw Frega speaking into his cell phone in hushed tones. He seemed surprised to see her and he got off the phone as quickly as whomever was on the other end would allow. Something about the way Frega acted gave her the idea that the person was important.

"Who were you talking to?" Kairi sat on the edge of the hotel bed and squinted at the clock.

"My boss."

"At three in the morning?"

"With power comes responsibility," he yawned.

"With _great_ power comes _great_ responsibility," she corrected.

"Ah, you kids and your love of unnecessary hyperbole."

She didn't know what to say to that one.

"Why are you up?" he asked.

"I had a bad dream," she looked up at the ceiling and let the patterns in the paint and shadows form. What sort of people did Master Frega answer to? Were they more powerful than he was? Did they know he staged a kidnapping? Did they condoned this kind of thing? Did they order it?

"You're not the only one with that problem. In the last twenty minutes I'd say, oh, half the people in the city just turned their lights on." He stood in front of the window, his expression unreadable. "What do you think about dreams, Kairi?"

"What happened to 'Girl Friday?'" His ears perked up and he shook himself out of his reverie.

"You're right. A breakdown in the master/apprentice relationship _would_ be a hindrance to our work. Forgive me."

"Are you feeling alright? You just _apologized_ to me."

Frega shook himself like a dog and put on an expression of seething annoyance.

"Alright, you little brat, enough of your insolence. Just answer the question." his tone regained the terminally pissed quality that she'd come to know and tolerate. "Dreams!" he snapped. "What do you think of them?"

"They're fake!" she answered quickly.

"No, no, no," he shook his head and sighed. "Be more specific and exacting with your definitions."

"Oh-kay… they're… memories…" she took a breath and tried to recall if it would better to use the word 'mind' or 'brain' for this definition. The lump above her right ear reminded her that the two terms were _not_ interchangeable. "The… _brain_ kicks out images and sounds into a linear sequence of events that we, uh, relive during our sleep-cycle." She waited for judgment.

"That's all? How _literal_." He slumped in the chair at the desk.

"Well, some people believe the images are more than that, some believe they're prophetic," she added nervously and watched him.

"Right," he shut his eyes and smiled. "Good, which leads us to our next lesson because…?"

"Everyone's having nightmares? Apparently?" she guessed and flinched preemptively.

"Correct." He turned back to the window and stared out at the city lights. She waited patiently for him to continue.

"… Is that it?" the question startled him. "Are you _sure_ you're doing alright? You've been acting a little weird since we got out of the hospital."

"Thanks, so have you. My boss called to inform me that he also had a bad dream."

It sounded like he and his boss were a little too close. She grimaced and didn't respond.

"Which is odd," Frega continued, "considering the man doesn't sleep much these days."

"Well that's not healthy."

"He has a lot of _enemies._"

"Kidnaps a lot of young girls, does he?"

Frega glared at her.

By the time she finished writing 'I will not make wise-ass comments about Mr. Golbez' twenty-five hundred times in Elvish it was already time for lunch and her writing hand was a little claw. She locked up the room and headed for the hotel restaurant to turn in the sheets to her Master. He'd already started eating, plates of runny eggs and some unrecognizable roasted animal lay around him.

"Very nice ligatures. Are we still feeling snotty?"

Kairi whined in reply.

"Good, sit down. You know, while you were working I was thinking: she's right. He _is_ a kidnapper! I suppose under different circumstances I'd owe you an apology."

Kairi bit the inside of her cheek.

The dwarf waitress left a menu for her without looking directly at the two of them. A lot of the other patrons got up to leave without finishing their meals. Frega ignored all of this and the dirty looks the restaurant's managers sent their way. Kairi hoped that the cuteness didn't drive the dwarves to commit violence and wished she hadn't left her hat back in the room.

"Even _you_ must've heard the story," he said suddenly.

"What story?"

"His story. _The_ story."

She looked at him blankly.

"Nevermind," he muttered. "It is ridiculous. Anyway, what were we talking about?"

"You were talking about dreams."

"Dreams. Of course! Very important to magical folk like you and me– _eggs and toast!_ _And step on it!_" he screamed at the waitress before she could open her mouth and ask them to leave. The dwarf woman, too rattled to argue, hurried off to fulfill the order.

"Thanks. Now they're going to spit in my food," Kairi said.

"Even if they do, you've had worse– and why do you keep looking out the window?"

"Was I?"

"You haven't stopped since we got out of the hospital. What are you looking for?"

"I dunno," she shrugged, unable to explain.

"You 'dunno?'" he sneered. "What? Are you hoping to get rescued? Do you think your little phone call will bring anybody?"

"No," she was surprised he knew about that already; sure, there probably was a way to trace where the money went but things like that took time, right? "I just wanted Mom to know I wasn't in danger. She doesn't have anybody else, you know."

"Life's hard, then you die," he said. The jerk.

* * *

The warm water of the shower washed the tension out of her body. The shortest interactions with her Master made her shoulders tight. Yet even in the calming shower she couldn't shake the feeling that something dark was close by.

_The gloom._

The heavy presence had stayed with her since her escape down the tunnel, a black cloud that settled over her day-to-day activities. It made being alone nerve-wracking at first, but after a day or two she got used to the tension in the air and refused to dwell on it. Whatever unpleasant thing was out there couldn't be a match for the much more unpleasant Master Frega.

Anyway, she had the feeling that it couldn't find her.

She got out of the shower felt the immediate buildup of energy. It felt so palpable she would almost swear her Master was casting Lightning in the next room. She hurried into her clothes, threw on her coat and flung open the bathroom door.

Frega looked up from his day planner. Every hair on his head stuck out, and his tail was twitching already.

"We can't stay here!"

"You're... right," he said, it was almost a question. He sniffed the air, the little ears went up and forward. "You can feel that?" he arched an eyebrow.

"Ugh! It's horrible!" The hairs on her arms and the back of her neck stood up.

"There's hope for you yet! Get our things packed, we're leaving."

"What is it?" She tried to the rub the goose bumps from her arms. Now her ears were ringing.

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do, that's kinda why I asked."

"Keep talking back to me and I'll leave you here to find out!"

They bolted from the hotel and ran across town. Kairi didn't know what drove her Master, but she was getting plenty of motivation from fear alone. He dragged her up the steps of a two-story building, built to look like a giant alpine cottage. The windows were dark, but she could see a long succession of thick poles behind the building, a thick cable strung along them.

Frega slammed his staff against the heavy door of _Deedle's Station_ until a sleepy-eyed dwarf stuck his head out the second-floor window to swear at them. A couple of gold coins bounced off his forehead and landed at his feet before he got a chance to even warm up his first verbal assault.

"Fan-frellin'-tastic," he stooped to pick the coins off the floor. "An elf and a– _ewww!_"

"Open up!" Frega screeched, "We want to go to Elfheim!"

"_Elfheim?_ No way! I'm not driving all the way to the North Pole with you two!" The dwarf spat.

"I'm warning you, _I am a wizard!_" Frega growled.

"And he's short-tempered, too!" Kairi called in an attempt to help.

"Aw, gimme a break!" the dwarf shouted. Frega threw a candy bar at his head.

"_My eye!_" the dwarf screamed and swore.

"Why'd you do that?" Kairi asked her Master.

"Open up! Open up! The fair's been paid!" Frega continued to knock on the wooden doors with his staff. Dwarves on the street were beginning to stop and stare.

"Here's your damn fair, you bastard!" A couple of coins bounced off the steps between Kairi and Frega.

"Girl Friday, zap that guy!" Frega ordered.

"What? But–"

"_Do it now!_" he raised his fist in a threatening manner.

"I can't, it's wrong!"

"If we stay here too long..."

The air turned to lead and the shadows grew longer, it was getting hard to see the people around them. How could everyone not notice it?

"_Please_ open the door!" Kairi begged. Frega slapped her across the back of the head. "I'm really sorry, sir," she said to the dwarf and lifted her palms up.

"W-what are you doing?" the dwarf asked nervously.

"You've been warned!" Frega said. "My apprentice as lousy aim and worse control, I hope you're insured!"

"Look, okay, you _win._ Just don't hurt me!" the dwarf disappeared from the window to let them in. Kairi stopped the incantation and let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Don't ever hesitate again," Frega muttered. The dwarf unlocked the door and stood aside to let them entire, he held his hand to his eye and Kairi felt a little guilty about that though she didn't know why.

The inside of the station shined, every surface polished to mirror-finish. Their footsteps echoed on the granite tile. Frega marched directly to the barred ticket window and slapped down his coins.

"Two tickets, immediate departure, for Elfheim," he glowered at the dwarf. "_Now._"

"You can't even muster up a 'please?'" the dwarf had the guts to ask.

"Girl Friday," Frega said. Kairi lifted her hands again.

"Nevermind!" he squeaked. "Elfheim! Right away!"

* * *

"Sus! Sus?" He walked into the dark house, fearing that he'd led trouble back to his charge when she didn't answer right away. She peeked out of the kitchen and put her finger to her lips. She padded across the living room.

"We have a situation," she whispered.

"Did the Mayor come back?"

"No, but her boyfriend's here." He was taken aback.

"Boyfriend? She doesn't have a _boyfriend._"

"She made me promise not to tell anybody– although, knowing she's got a sleazy little secret–" Sus snickered.

"Sus?"

"Right. Anyway, I think he wants to kick your ass," Sus glanced over her shoulder. "I think he could do it too. Maybe you should run!"

"She wouldn't... ah, of course," he stepped past Sus and went into the kitchen.

A man in a long, brown jacket sat at the kitchen table with a glass of whiskey in his hand and a katana sword in front of him. He didn't look like anyone familiar, except for the fierce glare. The dog looked up at Baralai and thumped his tail against the floor.

"Better late than never, I guess," Baralai said quietly. "What happened to the mask?"

Shadow finished his drink and otherwise ignored him.

"Where's the Mayor?"

"On her way out of the city."

"I see. By herself?"

The ninja stood up, without his black clothes and mask he looked like a middle-aged transient. There was some gray in that brown hair and his skin looked a little worn from the sun. He looked older than he seemed in the disguise.

"I came here to tell you that you've become a liability. She says your help is no longer required."

"One little temper-tantrum and that's it?" He slammed his fist into the table. Shadow didn't flinch, he acted like a man operating in another world that only he could see. "Did she decide this by herself?"

"I did advise against waiting on you. Nothing personal, but there's a job to do. So you're free. You can stay behind and fuck around in this city all you want."

Baralai pulled out his gun and aimed right between Shadow's eyes. They narrowed.

"You?" Shadow whispered "Will you murder _me_?" His face still formed no expression or gave clue to the man's emotions, it was like threatening a robot and it was creepy.

"Take me to the Mayor, or summon her here."

"No."

"_No?_ You can't say no!" He shoved the gun up to the man's forehead.

Sus shrieked suddenly. The gun went off, but Shadow had already hit the floor, sword drawn, waiting for an attack. He was too fast to be real.

"I can't believe you brought a _gun_ into my house!" Sus stomped into the kitchen. The dog growled and the fur on it's neck bristled.

"Shut up, Sus!" Baralai warned.

"No! You know how I feel about this!" In an uncharacteristic display of conviction and determination she grabbed the weapon and threw it into the trash where it fired again. Everyone jumped, Shadow grabbed the dog's collar as it lunged and Sus shrieked.

No one said anything as they watched a wisp of smoke curl up above the receptacle and then a little flame sprang up. Sus hurried to the sink, grabbed the basin of water with all the dirty dishes soaking in it and before Baralai could stop her she threw the whole thing into the trash.

"Well. That should bring the City Guard," Shadow stood up and sheathed his sword. "You and your girlfriend should leave this house."

"No problem! We have friends in the Underground Mysidia Movement, they'll help us," Sus said confidently.

"Stay out of this," Baralai snapped. "As for you–"

"Goodbye," Shadow threw a smoke bomb on the kitchen floor.

"God dammit!" Baralai choked on the irritating cloud. Both dog and owner were gone.

"Thank god, " Sus said. "I thought he was gonna kill you."

"Really."

"Yeah! He had the sword out and everything! Mayor made him show me how fast he was once. He had these little throwing knives and he's crazy-fast! He was all 'woosh-woosh-woosh!'" she waved her hands through the air to try and demonstrate the speed of Shadow's attacks. She was so impressed and there was so much admiration in her voice that Baralai had a moment of jealousy.

"Nevermind, we have to find the Mayor. Are my bags packed?"

"Yes, I put everything back the way I found it."

"Good. I'm sorry about this, Sus, I don't think you're not coming back to this house."

"I understand, it was going to happen eventually," she became all business.

He climbed into the attic to retrieve his and Myrna's bags and then they left the house for good.

* * *

"You're going to the hospital!'" Sus said and she stomped her foot.

"Mind your own business, woman! I don't need a doctor!" Locke said proudly. The seizure had ended shortly after takeoff. It was a miraculous turnaround, the thief just stopped flailing and leapt to his feet (and then slipped on his own drool puddle and then leapt back to his feet again.)

"Yes. You. _Do!_" Sus punched him in the stomach and he doubled over.

Wakka, Chappu and Mog ignored them. The boy in the coffee table was much more interesting.

The arms and legs were spread wide as though he'd been tied down for a human sacrifice. He had a look of complete shock and surprise and with the layer of carbonite over the face it was almost hard to tell what the little boy looked like; but the clothes, the shoes, and the hair were unmistakable.

"It's like my dream finally came true," Chappu said. A radiant smile lit his face and a sparkle winked in his eye.

"Your dream was to win a boy frozen in carbonite?" Mog raised an eyebrow.

"Just this one," Chappu put his hands on the sheet of glass that lay above the carbonite block and cackled. The sound attracted Sus' attention, the blonde gasped when she realized that they were looking at a human body under the glass.

"What's this?" she asked.

"I call it 'Tidus on Ice.' This is going on display in my Den of Villainy," Chappu said.

"You're supremely weird." She leaned over the table to get a better look at Tidus, all eyes went to her top. "Poor little thing. Is he still alive?"

"Definitely, and well protected," Mog said.

"How did he get in there?" Wakka lifted the glass and tapped Tidus on the forehead.

"Why don't you just defrost him?"

"We need the instructions," Mog said, running a paw over the temperature control panel on the side of the slab. "And a translator, it looks like this thing was made in some obscure part of the galaxy, I've never seen letters like this. Good engineering, but not user friendly."

The deck suddenly dropped, everyone and everything hung in midair for a brief moment before crashing down. The impact shattered the glass tabletop.

"We're being chased, Captain!" Zidane yelled over the intercom. "And, uh, I accidentally hit the gravity controls in the cargo hold. Sorry."

"Everybody get somewhere safe!" Wakka ordered. "Sus, go make sure Lilo's okay."

"Can you blame me? It's right next to the intercom button," Zidane continued.

The boys pulled themselves up to the bridge to see a hail of warning shots crossing the viewscreen.

"Who's firing at us?" Wakka yelled.

"Like you don't know," Chappu said.

"They're not cops," Locke reasoned. "Bounty hunters! Probably found out about the warrant on all of you after we trashed their ship. They must've thought: 'Oh, what a lucky coincidence! We can make them pay and get a big fat reward too!'"

"Let's get some space between us and them, Zidane." Wakka sat down in the Captain's chair.

"We can lose them on the highway," Zidane said.

"Make it so."

He hadn't even thought about it, it just came out. Fortunately no one other than Chappu seemed to notice.

"Set a course for the following coordinates," Locke stuck his head up through the ladder and rattled off a set of numbers.

"And that takes us where?" Wakka asked.

"To Banon," Locke said. "He'll let us hide out in his garage, yo."

"Forget it!"

"After all they've done for you?"

"If we're going anywhere, it should be the _hospital_!" Sus yelled through the intercom.

"Shut up, Sus!" Locke yelled back. One of the warning shots came a little too close and banked off the ship. Several system alarms went off.

"I'll send him a thank you note, but I'm not going near him or his gang!" Wakka said. He had the sneaking suspicion that this rebel group wanted their hands on this experimental Luna ship.

"Even a monkey would see that I'm– _the Returners_ are all you've got! You need us!" Locke said.

Wakka's memory stirred.

"_You know, even a monkey would see that I'm right!" Selphie told him._

"Well I'd like to see this mythical super-smart monkey you keep bringing up," he replied, "so until then, I'll do what I want!"

"Uh, guys? So where are we going" Zidane asked.

"Set a course for the nearest hospital," Wakka snapped. Another shot hit the ship and caused it to jolt. "After we get rid of these guys."

"Okey dokie, Chappu, I need directions," Zidane pulled out onto the ship highway and weaved across three traffic lanes while Chappu brought up the navigation system and did a fast search.

* * *

"Just wing them, I'd rather have them alive, naturally," Seifer said to Leon, who sat at the weapons controls. Leon couldn't help making faces at the guy behind his back.

The salvaged Shiva followed the Altoona as it gained speed and pulled away into the traffic. The experimental ship's engine kicked into high gear, shooting out of their range in a burst of light. Cid followed the Altoona out into the Trans-Galactic Highway. The little ship had an alarming ability to weave through the traffic dividers, it was a challenge to stay on their tail.

"The force is strong with this one," Cid muttered, neatly dropping the dangling ash from his cigarette on the dash.

"Aim all weapons on their secondary systems," Seifer ordered imperiously.

"And that would be _where?'_" Leon rolled his eyes.

"_Who is this pilot?_" Cid wondered.

* * *

"Good job," Wakka said to Zidane. "You're doing great! _Stitch get away from there!_" Stitch said something to him that Wakka didn't understand. The little creature stood in knee-deep in wiring and spare parts that he dragged from the engine room.

"Why don't you jump to warp speed?" Locke yelled. The treasure hunter held onto his chair with a white knuckle grip.

"Because it's not responding!" Zidane yelled back. There was a tremendous roar from outside the ship, the boys looked up expecting the hull to split.

"What was that?" Mog demanded over the intercom.

"_Barrier_," Stitch said, peering at one of the small navigation screens.

"Mog, what's going on with the warp drive?" Wakka inquired.

"It's gone."

"_What?_ How?" The ship rocked again, and a friendly automated voice informed them that their shields and their secondary systems were history.

* * *

The Shiva made it around the damaged barrier partition as it floated free of its moorings with a little fancy move that only Cid could pull off.

"You know. Maybe we should try reasoning with them," Aerith gently suggested. No one listened to her. "Do you realize how many people are killed in high-speed chases every year?"

"Shit!" Cid yelled when the Altoona took a hard right and soared straight into oncoming traffic. Everyone screamed as the Shiva followed suit.

"Good work, sir, I like your nerve!" Seifer said to Cid.

* * *

"_I lost control!_" Zidane panicked.

"Zidane!" Wakka screeched, the sight of the ships speeding towards them and veering off suddenly was enough to make his hair stand… oh, right.

"Guys, I do believe that _Stitch_ is driving now," Chappu said with feigned calmness. Stitch had a toy steering wheel on the floor in front of him; half the wiring beneath the systems panels were taped to it. "You know, I wish we thought about getting weapons for the ship when we had the chance."

Stitch laughed as he zipped past oncoming ships, barely missing two head-on collisions and snapping the antennae off several more.

"This better not cut into my pay," Zidane said to Chappu.

"Will you relax? It's all good," Chappu assured him.

"Captain?" Mog's voice crackled over the taxed intercom systems. "Everyone. Stitch and I are going to attempt an emergency hyperspace jump!"

"No!" Locke turned white.

"I thought we couldn't jump to warp?" Wakka asked.

"Hold on to your lunch!"

"No! _Wait!_" Locke screeched.

"Fine!" Wakka yelled over Locke's protests. "Do it!"

The little ship speeding the wrong way on the highway exploded.

* * *

_To Be Continued_


End file.
